Category Archives: Humor

Feeble Tries at Olympic Humor, for Fibbing Friday, Aug 2, 2024

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For Fibbing Friday, the prompts are:

  1. The Olympic Games originated in Ancient Greece but in which year were the first known Games held?  It’s all Greek to me.

  2. What prize was given to winners in the ancient Games? The prize was that they were allowed to live. Losers were exported to the Roman Colosseum and disposed of to protect the gene pool.

  3. The flame which burned during the ancient Games was in honour of which goddess? Joan of Arc. (A Soothsayer predicted her future birth and death.)

  4. What was the only event type at the first Ancient Olympics? Discus throw.

  5. Which Roman Emperor declared himself the winner of an Olympic chariot race, even though he fell out of his chariot? Feebleus Erectus the First.

  6. When did the Ancient Olympics cease and why? Not enough athletes left. They’d all been sent to Rome and disposed of in the Colosseum.

  7. In which year were the first modern Olympics held? In the new century, 1900

  8. How often are the Olympic Games held? Too often.

  9. In which year were the last solid gold medals given? In 1907, the year plastic was invented.

  10. In 2024 Paris will equal which other city in hosting the Olympics three times? Barely worth noting as a record, as they were held in Olympia, Greece for 383 years.

Man Child

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Man Child

He’s a bomb at being serious. He’s jolly, rash and wild.
In essence, he’s never grown up. He’s a perpetual child.
His rustic simplicity is anything but charming,
for he’s redolent of fishing smells and horse riding and farming.

His impetuosity has often brought on trouble,
leading to some barroom brawls and the resulting rubble.
For all these things, he’s won a sort of infamous renown,
and he’s banned from almost all the pubs in his little town.

The local folks have made excuses for him all his life,
but such crass indulgences won’t garner him a wife.
He’d like to have some kids himself–a most unlikely bid
so long as he himself insists on acting like a kid.

Today’s prompt for My Vivid Blog is Man.

This is a “man” I used to see at the beach. Those squirrels are real!! They later had a baby squirrel, increasing the family to four (including the man child.) This is a reblog of an earlier blog.

Ball Mortality, for dVerse Poets, Aug 1. 2024

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Ball Mortality Thanks to Morrie

He gores them and he punctures them and rips them on the bias,
demanding that we throw them from the pool or on the playas.

Every time we throw a ball, he’ll chase it and then snatch it,
and one time out of four, he’ll meet it in the air and catch it.

Then he will purloin it and we find when he is finished
somehow our tennis ball supply is rapidly diminished.

This radical behavior is supported by each caster
who realizes unthrown balls are the real disaster.

And so our local sports supply store profits from our loss
because we have to soon replace every ball we toss!

Click on photos to enlarge.

for dVerse Poets the prompt is  Mortality.

Memory Aid

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Memory Aid

When lethologica rears its ugly head,
I give up and go to bed,
for when my conscious mind won’t stream it,
my response is—try to dream it.

Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky!!

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My friend Joan sent this story to me. I know not where she heard it, but it’s too good not to pass on:

Mr. Gorsky…Too funny and historically true!

IN CASE  YOU DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF WONDERFUL TRIVIA…………..ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON

HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, “THAT’S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,” WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS. 

BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK “GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY.

” MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. 

HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS. OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE ‘GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY’ STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED. 

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT MR.GORSKY AND THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE HIS MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION. 

HERE IS THE ANSWER TO “WHO WAS MR. GORSKY? 

IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR’S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. 

HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. 

AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY, “SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU’LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!” It broke the place up.      

NEIL ARMSTRONG’S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY. 

Sticking to the Straight and Narrow, for FOWC, July 28, 2024

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Sticking to the Straight and Narrow


Sticking to the Straight and Narrow
(Mother Superior’s Rejoinder)

Please do not lollygag. There’s no time more.
We’re closing the shutters and locking the door.
Wipe those dreams from your brain, for it is our fear
that your thoughts will diverge from the prim and austere.
Make sure your spirit is pearl white and pure
with no sinful streaks to compete with demure.
Deadly sins number from one up to seven,
and striated souls will not make it to heaven.

This is one of my favorite photos, taken at the Shrine of the Virgin of Guadalupe in Mexico City. I love the one nun on the left, turned around to look back, plus the one with her arms crossed in back. I should perhaps crop it a bit on the right. Will next time I use it.

 

For FOWC, Narrow

 

At the Olympics Awards Ceremony (For RDP)

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IMG_3700 (1)jdbphoto

At the Olympics Awards Ceremony

You are the one we’d love to beat.
We train, we strain, we sweat. We cheat.
Anything to win the heat
and gain the glory of your defeat.
You are so handsome, fit and neat.
Sure of hand and swift of feet,
with fame and glory, you are replete—
the hero of each match and meet.

You are not boastful, do not bleat
your successes down every street.
You are humble and discreet.
You do not replay and repeat
each mile covered. Nor do you greet
those you’ve defeated when we meet
with prideful leer or smile cloying—
but still, we find your fame annoying.

You win each medal, then repeat
year after year at every meet.
Your well-toned muscles, hair like wheat,
make you every lady’s treat––
propel you to the winner’s seat,
your win made obvious and concrete
while those below complain and cuss.
Could you not leave some fame for us???

For RDP, The Olympics

Crabs!!! For Stream of Consciousness Saturday

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Crabs!!

A consortium of crabs can be an itchy deal.
Not the sort of gathering that one wants to feel.
Perhaps out on the beach it’s easier to bear,
but crabs should never gather in anybody’s hair!

 

Yolanda tells me that when Yoli goes to school, they have to be sure to wind her hair up and put it on top of her head as there are people who steal the hair of children and women with long hair to sell it for wigs. Some world.

For Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Itch

For Fibbing Friday, July 26, 2024

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Spider

For Fibbing Friday, July 26, 2024, the prompt reads:

Something a little different this week courtesy of Jim Adams who has been inventive in making up words and asks us to describe what these, if they existed, are or could be used for.

1) Antiplixen One opposed to the eighth  (before Rudolph) of Santa’s reindeer.

2) Mortangru  A dead kangaroo

3) Clydearum  What Clyde’s wife said to him just before she presented him with the bill to her last shopping trip. “Clyde, dear, um . . . .!”

4) Monogrifrt An antisocial vagabond con man.

.5) Ulangabop An African dance of the 40s and 50s.

6) Krixashobie. Overheard response of one southern boy to another southern boy’s admiring comment of “That new girl Kirixa? She sure fine!” 

7) Xgreapey  A ranking of wine.

8) Knobweg The home of a spider with a cold.

9) Betalafil  What they called the winning falafel in the falafel cookoff.

10) Dvpslyaran  One addicted to the collecting of DVDs.

What Were You Doing in 1976???

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Today I went through my huge stash of photos to try to find one particular photo for my book that I never found, but what I did find was this photo of me. I was living and teaching in Cheyenne, Wyoming and my friends and I had gone for a drive in the country  and decided to do a photo shoot. My friend Julie took this photo of me which I had totally forgotten and in the same file was this program from Cheyenne Frontier Days Rodeo, “The Daddy of Them All.”

It looks like it has seen some hard times, including having a bit of rodeo barbecue smeared on it, but if you look a bit closer at the third photo, you’ll see an interesting fact that I had also forgotten.  The name of the bull ridden by Smokey Merritt in the World’s Championship Brahma Bull Riding  Contest was none other than Ju Dykstra!  Was it a coincidence? Nope. Because the honor of having a bull named after one was limited to prominent men, two members of the committee had submitted my name as “Ju Dykstra.”  First I knew of it was when it was announced during rodeo event # 4 as, “Next out of the chute is Smokey Merritt on Ju Dykstra!!!”

To my knowledge, I am the only woman ever to have a Brahma bull named after her in the Cheyenne Frontier Days Rodeo, but it may be that they’ve changed their policy and there have been many. Suffice it to say that I was the first!  Try as I might, however, I cannot discover which  won out in that match—Smokey or my namesake.

What were you doing in 1976? If you have a funny story, please share it and link it to this post.