Category Archives: Humor

For Fibbing Friday, July 19, 2024

It’s a Wonderful Life

For Fibbing Friday, the challenge is:

Who do you think could have recorded these (your answers do not have to be singers)

1.   Penny Lane: Laverne DeFazio (A song about the street where she lived.)
2.   I want to break free: Harry Houdini
3.   Summer the First Time: Elizabeth Taylor
4.  
Waterloo: Nurf (Describing what he treated the lake as in Camp Camp.)
5.   Only the Lonely: J.D. Salinger
6.   Laughter in the Rain: Stormy Daniels (Getting the last laugh.)
7.   True Blue: The Smurfs
8.   These boots were made for walkin’: Puss in Boots
9.   Angel Eyes:Clarence Odbody
10. If you don’t know me by now:Taylor Swift

If you are a young thang you may have to Google some of these to understand the answers.

A Fan of Eudora Welty!! For Cellpic Sunday, July 7, 2024

(Pun intended.) One of my favorite stops in Jackson, Mississippi was Eudora Welty’s house…now a museum. Here hanging upside down from its handle with other fans on my curtain rod in my room is a fan I bought there.

Click on photos to enlarge and read captions.

Her house seemed to be left just as it was when she passed away. On the dining room table were pages of a manuscript cut into strips and pinned to the tablecloth… like  this was her method of seeing the segments together and reorganizing and editing them. I loved this!!! All of the awards and trophies she had won over the years were tucked away in her clothes closet out of sight to anyone but her. I love her stories and I think I would have loved her.

For Jonbo’s Cellpic Sunday
But, well, I guess I have to link to this prompt at well: A Fan Of

For Fibbing Friday, July 5, 2024

Here are the words we were given to decode for this Fibbing Friday:

  1.   Betrump: Who be the biggest asshole in the world?
  2.   Cony-catch: What my dog accomplished when my little sister dropped her ice cream.
  3.   Crapulous: My descriptive word for every bazaar or second-hand shop I pass.
  4.   Dowsabel: The label on an item of clothing that does not have to be dry cleaned.
  5.   Ear-rent: What you pay your psychologist .
  6.   Flexanimous:  The unconscious weight-lifting masculine side of a woman’s psyche, 
  7.   Gazophylacium: The largest gas station in the world.
  8.   Grum: How an angry but sad bear feels.
  9.   Huggermugger: Like a kissing bandit, but this one is afraid of catching Covid. 
  10.   Lucubrate: What Mrs. Malaprop does to her face each night to ward off wrinkles.

Daffynitions for Fibbing Friday, June 28, 2024

 

How would you define these words?

1. Milieu:The fifth and sixth and  words of the lyrics that begin , “Skip, skip, skip to ….

2. Inviolable: Music impossible to play on a viola.

3. Dulcimer: What surfers call an exceptionally flat and unexciting ocean surface as flat as the surface of a looking glass.

4. Condominium: What inmates call a prison block.

5. Sycophant: An insane pachyderm.

6. Elegiacal: A delectable food only rumored to be fattening.

7. Zhuzh: Kitten on the keys.

8. Obstreperous: Description of a difficult pregnant woman with a throat malady.

9. Symposium: Empathy for someone in agony over the length of a Jane Fonda exercise video pose. 

10. Neophyte: The first stages of an altercation.

For Fibbing Friday. 

For Fibbing Friday, June 21, 2024

For Fibbing Friday, we were asked to define these terms:

  1.  Narcolepsy: A disease brought on by the excessive consumption of illegal drugs.

  2. Antediluvian: The state of a cucumber before it is subjected to the pickling process.

  3.  Serrefine: What a drunk covers his leftover food with before refrigerating it.

  4.  Guetapens: I like Scripto, Pilot or Uni Ball.

  5.  Promiscuous: Naughty behavior at a high school dance.

  6.  Tendentious:  The state of a dental patient before surgery.

  7.  Kismet: What one dinosaur said to another during foreplay.

  8.  Autochthonous: Having the natural ability to pronounce digraphs correctly.

  9.  Macerate: Describing food cut up for you by your mother.

  10. Gladiolus: The attribution of human emotions to flowers.

For Fibbing Friday. (Thanks, Forgottenman, for furnishing the link and the prod.) T-Rex Image by NBC News.

“Fancy Word” Addendum

For those of you who read my “Fancy Word” poem early on, I discovered hours after I published it that the last word of the penultimate line as well as the entire last line had been left off the poem!  Ironically, the second to the last word of the penultimate line rhymed with the two lines above it, so the deletion wasn’t obvious, but it is funnier with the last line, so  here is the poem with all of its lines.  I’ve also corrected it on the original, so if you read it later on, you’ve already seen this version:

                                      Fancy Words

Don’t we adore fancy words? Don’t we love to use them?
Still, it is annoying when some choose to abuse them.
When “geddouddahere” would do to tell pests when to go,
they use “begone!” to banish them in words more rococo.

Their need to parlay simple words, I fear I find most gruesome.
A tasty meal’s not good enough. They see repasts most toothsome.
While we argue, they asservateassiduously stating
things that all of the rest of us are fine with just debating.

They see themselves as bon vivants, most clever and most charming,
They complicate the simplest words at rates we find disarming.
A lady we call beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, cool,
they find pulchritudinous. Where did they go to school?

Piquant” they use religiously, though most of us denounce it.
Yes, we agree it’s pretty, but we just can’t pronounce it.
Slow music is andante, dark closets are aphotic.
As they rave on, each alloquy tends to get hypnotic.

What the rest of us get rid of, they alleviate.
They do not use contractions.  They don’t abbreviate.
They’re intent on gamboling while we’re just being silly.
They see the landscape undulating. We just find it hilly.

Forsooth, they have no wherewithal to get where they must go?
We’re all willing to chip in. We hope they don’t go slow!
They are extremely irritating, though they do not know it.
It’s not easy dealing with a friend who is a poet!!!

 

For My Vivid Blog: Words

 

 

“Fancy Words” for My Vivid Blog

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Fancy Words

Don’t we adore fancy words? Don’t we love to use them?
Still, it is annoying when some choose to abuse them.
When “geddouddahere” would do to tell pests when to go,
they use “begone!” to banish them in words more rococo.

Their need to parlay simple words, I fear I find most gruesome.
A tasty meal’s not good enough. They see repasts most toothsome.
While we argue, they asservateassiduously stating
things that all of the rest of us are fine with just debating.

They see themselves as bon vivants, most clever and most charming,
They complicate the simplest words at rates we find disarming.
A lady we call beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, cool,
they find pulchritudinous. Where did they go to school?

Piquant” they use religiously, though most of us denounce it.
Yes, we agree it’s pretty, but we just can’t pronounce it.
Slow music is andante, dark closets are aphotic.
As they rave on, each alloquy tends to get hypnotic.

What the rest of us get rid of, they alleviate.
They do not use contractions.  They don’t abbreviate.
They’re intent on gamboling while we’re just being silly.
They see the landscape undulating. We just find it hilly.

Forsooth, they have no wherewithal to get where they must go?
We’re all willing to chip in. We hope they don’t go slow!
They are extremely irritating, though they do not know it.
It’s not easy dealing with a friend who is a poet!!!

For My Vivid Blog: Words
Must confess that I wrote this poem 7 years ago, but it seemed appropriate, so….

The Bread Train for dVerse Poets

The Bread Train

When you hop aboard the bread train, there’s no negotiation.
Folks aboard the bread train become a congregation.
It’s a happy wagon, a life-fulfilling ride.
Everything comes easy when you are inside.

Don’t bother about lowlifes who wait along the tracks.
You can’t be responsible for everybody’s backs.
This trip through life is better if you have some dough.
These folks who have an easy ride everywhere they go?

That there may be enough for all is what they do not know.
They want no interference with the status quo.
If folks don’t have what they do, it’s just because they’re lazy.
Those who think the bread train crowd will feed them are just crazy!

Every riff-raff wannabe can’t have what he wants.
If he can’t afford the bread train, let him eat croissants!!

For dVerse Poets: Train
Go HERE to read more train poems!

“Jailbird” for Word of the Day

Jailbird

It was a bit before midnight the night before Xmas Eve in 1975. I was just home from a party at my sister’s house, where my mother was staying, still in my long party dress with an apron over it because I was preparing the meal for Xmas Eve, when they would all be coming to my house for and afternoon meal.  I’d just opened the fridge to put the cranberries in to jell when there was a LOUD pounding on the door.  Startled, I called out, “Who is it?”  I couldn’t imagine, but they sounded in a good bit of distress.

“Police, Ma’am. Open up!”  Of course I thought it must be a joke.

“Okay, really, who is it? Buffy?”  Sure it must be friends make a drop-by after they left the bar, I used the first name that came to mind of someone who might think it was funny to rouse me out of bed on what now, by the clock, was already Xmas Eve.”

“Open up. We have a warrant for your arrest!!!”  This didn’t sound like the voice of any friend of mine.  I opened the drapes and peered out, and sure enough, there was a police car parked in the street in front of my apartment, its lights shining brightly and its cherry top rotating and sending a circle of red through the neighborhood.  I could see the drapes of apartments on the floors above opening as well in our L shaped apartment complex.  I opened the door, and there were two uniformed policemen, handcuffs extended, ready to haul me off to jail… for what?

It was my second  year of teaching English in Cheyenne, Wyoming. So far as I knew, I was free of any felonies short of perhaps driving home after a few drinks at the Corner Bar with my fellow teachers, but if guilty of that, I had never been caught. What in the world could be happening?

What was I being arrested for?

“Outstanding speeding ticket, Ma’am.”  They allowed me to get my coat, one of them following me into the bedroom as I collected it, then they directed me out to the car. As we approached the police car, one opened the back door and the other one demanded that I put my hands behind my back to be cuffed.

“You’re going to handcuff me? You must be kidding me!  I have an outstanding speeding ticket that I forgot to pay because the day I was supposed to pay it, I accompanied the high school pom pom girls to Casper for a cross country meet as their sponsor!!! You are going to not only drag me in on Xmas Eve, but you’re going to handcuff me?

They exchanged looks, and I think I detected a bit of embarrassment on their part. The handcuffs were put away and I sat in the screened back seat with my hands, at least, free.

When we arrived at the jail, I was booked and told I could make one phone call.  I called my principal, thinking after all the reason I had neglected to pay my fine was in the pursuit of school business.  “Jim, can you come bail me out of jail? I’ve been arrested.”  He laughed.  “Judy, go to bed. It’s too late for one of your jokes. We’ll see you tomorrow!”  And he hung up!!!! Could I make another call? No, I was limited to one. Again, I made my plea. I was a local schoolteacher. Not paying the speeding ticket was an oversight. I was chaperoning at a school activity! Probably half of the police officers on the force had gone to my school!  Finally, they granted me one more phone call.  I called my sister, and because my mother by habit carried a lot of cash, luckily they had the bail money on hand.

As I awaited my savior, “Where should we put her?” One of the arresting officers  asked.

“Put her in the drunk tank. She’s no better than any of the rest of them!” the desk sergeant directed.

And so it was that I joined all of the rest of the undesirables in the county jail.  As I passed down the corridor to the drunk tank, I passed the cell of a local man being held for murder and a number of other detainees who looked a bit surprised at seeing a local schoolteacher in a floor length party dress being hauled off to the drunk tank. I later discovered that the judge of traffic court, disgusted at all the unpaid fines, had directed that every person with an outstanding fine to pay should be rounded up as a lesson in what happened to those neglectful of their civic duty to pay their debt to society!!!!

My sister arrived in about 1/2 hour with my bail money and gave me a ride home, chuckling all the way. The next day when my family arrived at my house, when I opened my Xmas stocking, there was a plastic set of handcuffs in its very bottom. Evidently my enterprising brother-in-law had somehow located a set in some venue open on Xmas Eve. My mother’s gift to me that year was to pay my bail money.It was, all in all, one of my most memorable Christmases.  True story.

For Word of the Day Challenge: Lawbreaker

The Threshold, for dVerse Poets

Out on a Liminal

img_9671The jolly crew over lunch yesterday. Happiest when the jefe is not in sight. He probably knows this and this is why the two older men eat in front of the house, the younger men on my patio in the back.

Liminal—I admit that I looked the word up, and I’m glad I did.  I have always thought that since subliminal meant below the threshold of conscious thought, that liminal must refer to conscious thought. Wrong.

Liminal: of or relating to a sensory threshold. 2 : barely perceptible. 3 : of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition : in-between, transitional

So, is my house in a liminal state between completion and constant repair and construction?  If so, what is the state after liminal?  Perhaps subliminal is the ultimate state rather than the one under liminal. Perhaps it is that state in which everything just goes along smoothly without having to think about it. Water flows, floors stay crack and salitre-free, lightbulbs stay perpetually lit.

Perhaps I’d better look up subliminal as well:

Subliminal: (of a stimulus or mental process) below the threshold of sensation or consciousness; perceived by or affecting someone’s mind without their being aware of it.

One out of two. It means exactly what I thought it did.

Today is the fourth day of construction at my house and the last day of the work week.  Thankfully, only six men showed up instead of the usual nine, because that is how many beers I have in the fridge and I didn’t want to have to leave to buy more to treat them at the end of this short work day.  The jefe and his assistant seem to have stayed home to leave the other younger men to complete tiling the kitchen and hammer-and-chiseling out the built-in large bathtub to transform it into a shower and construct a small wall to serve in lieu of shower curtain.

At first I was worried that the jefe hadn’t shown up because last night as I surveyed the day’s work, I noticed two problems.  One was that the tiles on the front porch were not centered.  I can understand that he was lining up the main tile with the tile in the inside of the house, but in fact the porch is more often viewed with the door shut, so as nice a it would have been if they’d taken this into account at the beginning, they didn’t, and so having the line under the door misaligned seems a smaller problem than having the entire porch off-center.

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The second problem was that the bottom step in the hall leading down to my bedroom was 1/2 inch deeper on one side than the other.  Now, these are the steps that have tripped me up three times in the past year, twice sending me careening headfirst into an edge where two walls meet and rendering me unconscious for a few seconds. So, I don’t need a further contributing factor to my own clumsiness.  I do not need one slightly diagonal stair leading up to a square one!

img_0004

At any rate, I was dreading pointing this out to the grumpy foreman, but the young man I reported it to was very pleasant and equally helpful when I tripped over one of their damn line up wires for positioning the tiles (heavy fishing line strung between two nails pounded into the cracks between the tiles.)  This is about the fifth time I’ve tripped over the dangerous things, but this one was tangled but still connected to the two nails even though the tile had long been set, so it would not release, and sent me careening down the front stairs, head-first down onto the terrace.

In all, I probably traveled seven feet horizontally and about a foot from house floor level down to terrace level.  If it had been an Olympic event, I might have placed, but as is I just said a few very vile swear words–in English, not Spanish, so perhaps they didn’t have the same effect on listening ears.  At any rate, the nice young man who had heard earlier complaints came running to take my camera out of my hands, (Yes, I was going to photograph the misaligned porch tiles.)  to help me up and then to remove that damn fishing line that should have been removed two days ago.

So, all in all, I’d say my day so far has been anything but subliminal.  But although my entire state for the past week as we moved everything out of the house and then dealt with four days of noise, dust and constant activity has certainly been transitional, it is certainly not been barely perceptible. And in spite of the fact that my stumble and fall over my literal threshold was totally sensory, still, taking the full definition of both terms into account, I seem to be in a state neither liminal nor subliminal.

I’m just lucky that after that nasty spill that my state isn’t terminal!!!! And I can safely say, I think, that my bone density is excellent. This entire discourse, of course, simply acts as an introduction, to The Verse!!!!!

The Threshold

I must say that it’s criminal
how I must deal with liminal
aspects of  this threshold wire
that seem to signal I’ll expire
if they do not complete forthwith
this entryway. It seems a myth
that I will ever pass it freely
without tripping. Will I? Reallly?
I fear my life’s conditional
on it being transitional.

 

For dVerse Poets Pub: Liminal Spaces