Category Archives: Humor

“Slang with a Bang” For Fibbing Friday. Last of the Year!! 2023

Auld slang syne this week: Your interpretations please!

1. Sling your hook: What the doctor said he was going to do to Mohammed Ali when he was taken to the emergency ward with a broken left arm after his last fight.
2. Here’s mud in your eye: What the female mud wrestler said to her opponent just before she trashed her eye makeup.
3. Bun in the oven: Describing Jennifer Lopez as she stuck her head into the oven to test the temperature.
4. Twinkle Toes: Anyone going barefoot in the Mardgras parade.
5. Moolah: Money spent on enlarging one’s cattle herd.
6. Brazillian: A new term above million and trillion that described Playtex’s total income.
7. Airhead: What they call the bathroom on a jet.
8. Goof off: The challenge is not punctuated correctly.  It is what Goofy said to Pluto when he was ready for him to abandon his lap. It should read,
               Goof: “Off!”   
9. Mickey Mouse: Request made by Cinderella, arriving home exhausted from the ball. Also a bit tipsy, thus her stutter as well as her need to request help in opening the door from one of her tiny rodent companions. “Mi-c-key, Mouse!”
10. Razz: Really good with Red Beans.

For Pensivity’s Fibbing Friday. Dec 29, 2023  Image by Lawrence Makoonah on Unsplash

Can’t Help It. Gotta Do Another Xmas Posting!!!!

Xmas Traditions Explained (For Fibbing Friday Dec 22, 2023)

                                                          Leave Santa alone, Kids. He’s exhausted!!

1. Ever wondered why they call them Christmas Carols? Because Bob was already associated with bobbing for apples on Halloween, Ted was busy spreading hay for the manger and Alice was busy looking at herself in the looking glass. ( Confused? See “Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice”)

2. Why do we put a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree? We didn’t. It just kept flying up there.

3. Are St Nicholas and Old Nick the Jekyll and Hyde of Christmas? No. Old Nick is just the natural result of St. Nick’s exposure to so much carbon chimney buildup and air travel over the centuries.

4. Why do we traditionally kiss under the mistletoe? The practice started because approximately 1/2 of the world’s population is actually allergic to mistletoe and the other 1/2 needs to give them artificial respiration therapy.

5. Why is it Christmas lights work when we put them away but don’t when we take them out the following year? Because you have to remember to unplug them before putting them away!!!!

6. Why are pigs in blankets so called? Because they are cold and this is a natural response to chillbains..

7. Should we have cream or custard on mince pies? Yes.

8. How did a Christmas Stocking originate? When Santa heard there was much mischief afoot during the year and decided he needed a method of bribery to put an end to it.

9. Do you like the idea of a white Christmas?  Well, yes. Much more than its actuality.

10. Have you been naughty or nice? Yes. You can guess which.

Red-faced.The Devil made me do it.

For Fibbing Friday

Who Sang That, Anyhow? For Fibbin’ Friday, Dec. 15, 2023

Classic Christmas hits, but can you suggest alternative artists for them?

1. Wherever you are: Blind Faith
2. Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree: The Chain Gang
3. That’s my Goal: Joe Namath and the Lime-Liners
4. Mistletoe and Wine: Alan Shephard taking solace while recovering from a bad case of athlete’s foot after returning from the Moon landing.
5. I saw Mommy kissin’ Santa Claus: Truman Hanks, the night his dad Tom came home sporting full-costume during the filming of Polar Express.
6. All I want for Christmas: Melanie Trump, handing Donald a map of the U.S.
7. Sound of the Underground: The Moles (yes, a real group)
8. Jingle Bell Rock A trio comprised of *Barry Manilow, Alexander Graham Bell and Elvis. 
9. Can we fix it: The White House Plumbers
10. Somethin’ Stupid. Hate to quote the obvious, but come on now: Donald Trump

*Known as “The King of the Commercial Jingle.)

 

For Pensivity’s Fibbin’ Friday, Dec. 15, 2023  Illustration by Little Plant on Unsplash.

Daily Funny Dec 13, 2023

I believe I shot this on the way to Mosca’s  north of Tenacatita beach. Wish I’d stopped to investigate what was in the barrel that was of so much interest.  (This is a goat, not a dog.). 

Daily Funny

I’ve been a bit lax re/ my daily funnies. Here is one to make up for it. Thanks, Noreen!!!

 

Fibbing Friday, Dec 9, 2023

1. What is Free Will?   Is when you marry a lawyer and he writes up who gets your stuff when you die.
2. What is persona non grata? Is every person except for Grata.
3. What is bog standard?  Is bog not special.
4. What is builders tea?  Is Orange Pekoe on week days and Rusty Nails on Friday night!!
5. What is a couch potato?  Is any potato served with Chicken Divan.
6. What is a finger in every pie?  Is cook clumsy with knife.
7. What is meant by nip in the bud?  Is sipping beer.
8. What is to pitch in? Wastebasket is to pitch in!!!
9. What is rule of thumb? Rule of thumb is that must accompany four fingers.
10. What is to steal someone’s thunder? Is to hold hands over ears of friend during rainstorm.

 

For Pensitivity’s Fibbing Friday

Time for More Lies!

1. What is Allium Sepa (Cepa)? What the head of the sperm bank said to his main donor as they walked past a wall of last year’s crop of babies when the donor asked him which of them were his progeny.
2. What is Arran Pilot? A person from Isfahan who flies a plane.
3. What is a love apple? A swelling on the lip caused by too-strenuous kissing.
4. To what genus do cabbages, broccoli and cauliflowers belong? Einstein (And I must point out that you have a spelling error in your question.)
5. Which vegetables were the first to be canned? Asparagus.  It was done alphabetically.
6. Pepinex and Telegraph are varieties of what? A type of energizing medicine and a means for pachyderms to communicate over long distances.
7. What is a White Lisbon? A city in Portugal after a freak snowstorm.
8. What is calabrese? A slight California wind.
9. What was described as a cabbage with college education?  Those studying to take the bar exam are known as  slawstudents.
10. What is a Pentland Javelin? A new model of sportscar.

 

For Pensitivity’s Fibbing Friday

The Arms Race (Becoming Grandma) for Wordle 627, Nov 5, 2023

When I look in the mirror, I sometimes feel like I’m becoming my mother, but when I look at my arms, it is also revealed that I am becoming my grandmother.  By the time she passed away at age 96, any effort to assist her in rising or sitting up by grasping her lower arms could result in the skin actually tearing off in pieces like tissue paper, and although not quite at this stage,  At 76, I have grown fragile. My skin has become translucent, showing off deep blue or purple bruises from below  given birth to by slight bumps or scrapings against even smooth surfaces—the edge of a table or a door. Small beads of blood flow out from tears of skin caught in a cat’s claw or a dog’s questing paw, and the skin of my lower arms is dappled with these signs of affection left by even the most furtive advances of the smallest of my dogs.

At night, in bed, I am a highway for dogs jumping into bed to snuggle down for the night and likewise for the same dogs springing from the bed to investigate the slightest noise in the backyard or the street.  One bound, using me as trampoline, propels them to the floor, and one more, in a flash, shoots them out the door. Any stray possum or other late night intruder into their domain not driven off by their initial loud growls and following barks is dealt with in a snap of the jaw. No furtive ingress into my nighttime garden goes unnoticed. Then, the intruders dealt with, back into bed they bound, usually landing on one arm or the other, leaving yet another mark of their affection. They are my protective angels, these small warriors of the night, but I fear they are loving me to pieces, as one glimpse of my arms will attest to.

The words for Sunday Whirl Wordle 627 are: caught pieces snap flash angel stray furtive dappled flow skin translucent blue

Wild White Flour for FOTD, Oct 26, 2023

Forgive Forgottenman, Cee.  He noticed I hadn’t published a flower for today so he set this up on my site!  I’ll atone by publishing a real one as welll!  All of the below is what Forgottenman posted on my blog.

Giggling as I draft this. Yeah, WAY outta bounds! Still…
Do or not do with it as you will or won’t.

Wild White Flour

For Cee’s FOTD?