Category Archives: Humor

Romantically Retired

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Romantically Retired

I think I’ve formerly related
that I’m neither wooed nor dated.
Zero heroes, zero traces
of besotted hearts or faces.

Gamblers better put their money
on the fact I’ll have no honey.
Chances more likely for a win
on the roulette wheel’s random spin.

Fortune tellers’ only visions
are of partings and divisions.
No new meetings, no reunion
that might prompt a future union.

So I guess I’ll go on missing
bouts of geriatric kissing.
And instead of passions new,
fond memories will have to do.

Prompt words today are spin, related, traces, vision, money and zero.

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

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Before the below words are imputed to be of my crafting, I must say though I am hugely partisan to their genius, I did not, alas, write them. The story below is full to the brim with creativity and good humor—its word choice both spry and original, and although the plot line may at first seem indecipherable, I trust that your mind will soon snap in line and make transliteration on my part unnecessary.

Although H.L. Chace wrote Ladel Rat Rotten Hut seven years before my birth, my folks were still quoting it when I became old enough to memorize it myself.  After 70 years, I can still quote lines of it by heart.  I want to quote a bit of it here with a link to its online source. Hopefully, it won’t require transliteration:

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

by H. S. Chace

Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist.  Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin, pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut’s murder colder inset.

“Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist.  Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors!  Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers!”

“Hoe-cake, murder,” resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft.  . . . .

To read  (and hear) the rest of the story, go to https://www.exploratorium.edu/files/exhibits/ladle/

 

Prompt words today are brim, spry,  partisan, impute, craft and transliterated.  (Transliteration changes the words from one language or alphabet into another corresponding, with similar-sounding letters with different characters.) Image by Šárka Jonášová on Unsplash.

Teen Wisdom

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Teen Wisdom

The children are all burgeoning into adolescence,
though like shaken sodas, they emerge with effervescence.

Not thinking of the consequences, behavior audacious,
argumentative and therefore maddeningly pugnacious.

Parents’ beliefs are fallacies. Teens think that only they
have the means and knowledge to clearly know the way

to surge into the future, the internet their guide—
believing all its stated truths are bonafide.

They don’t listen to their parents because, for sure, they’re wrong.
They’d rather get their wisdom from TikTok or a song.

For this generation, electronic media rules,
dispensing equal wisdom from sages and from fools.

Is it truth or fiction? Is it wack or cool?
How can they know the difference? Clearly, hormones rule.

 

Prompts today are consequences, fallacy, pugnacious, burgeon, mean and soda.

(The non-teen who wrote this poem was so wack that she misspelled TikTok as TikToc. Some teenager just clued her in.) And to be fair, there are probably just as many adults misguided by the internet as there are teens who are.

Weeds (For dVerse Poets)

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The beauty of a weed.

Weeds

They poke their heads through every crack.
We pull them out, but they come back.
What rule of nature is to blame
that the flowers we plant don’t do the same?

Here are other poems written for the dVerse Poets prompt: Weeds

Here is the prompt for dVerse Poets!!!

Fractal Life

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Fractal Life

Life has turned into a fractal with continual repeats.
She never changes what she wears or watches, does or eats.
Life for her is poignant in its regularity.
She has a time to go to bed, to exercise and pee.

Now that she has forged a life, she finds it easier
to repeat the patterns. Change makes her queasier.
Instead of heaps of whipped cream, she simply has small dollops.
Life is so much easier protected from its wallops.

She sticks to even pavement on her daily walk.
When it comes to beaches, she is known to simply balk.
No pebbles touch her insteps. No sand between her toes.
Her shoes and socks stay on her feet everywhere she goes.

Her established patterns determine where she’ll be.
She simply does not countenance irregularity.
So if you’ve never met her, I fear you won’t be missed
unless you are already included on her list!!!!

Prompt words are fractal, poignant, forge, wallop, pavement. Image by Cathryn Lavery on Unsplash

Sangria Mania

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Sangria Mania

My walks to the refrigerator are, I fear, redundant
in search of liquid succulent and winey and abundant,
for I cannot quell my thirst for what is in the pitcher
I keep upon the bottom shelf—sangria all the richer

for strawberries and orange juice, wine and Seven-Up.
I drink it by the crystal glass and sip it by the cup.
I fear that for eight months or so, this liquid’s been a stable
addition to my fridge, not to mention on my table.

Now I’ve addicted all my friends, for few have ever balked
at helping me to quaff this liquid that I can’t keep stocked.
I find that now I have to buy the wine on which it’s based
not only by the bottle, but now I buy it cased!!!

It goes so well with Cheetos that I buy them by the bag,
and I must admit that we’re also on a jag
of scarfing down these cheesy bits so succulent and crunchy,
for as we quench our thirsts we feel the need for something munchy

 

My recipe for Sangria:

Put a handful of whole frozen strawberries in the bottom of a glass pitcher.

Cover with tequila and put overnight in the fridge.

The next morning, fill pitcher 1/3 with Kirkland Sangria, 1/3 with orange juice (I use Jumex) and 1/3 with 7-Up. Stir and return to fridge.

Serve  over cracked ice in clear glasses with a stir-stick stabbed into one or more of the strawberries retrieved from the pitcher.

If you are in Mexico, serve with Cheetos Torciditos. In the States or elsewhere where they are not available, choose the crispy Cheetos.  Share with friends.   Ahhhhhhhhh.

 

 

 

Prompt words today are stable, succulent, quell, walk and redundant.

 

Saving Skins

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Saving Skins

Inherent in the human race are needs to swathe the body
in skins of other creatures more furry or more gaudy—
leather pants to cover up their lower naked form,
with a furry  jacket to keep the top half warm.

The entrance to a muskrat’s den is always underwater,
which furnishes protection for his mate and son and daughter.
Adopting such safe measures is prevalent in those
whose shiny coats are popular in making human clothes.

 

Prompt words are muskrat, prevalent, shiny, inherent, adoption and style. Image by Joshua Cotten on Unsplash.

From the Horse’s Mouth

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From the Horse’s Mouth

Since I come from where the horses live,
you’ll find these words superlative.

More than one savvy equine
has told me that it’s asinine
to expect a horse to dine
on hamburger or pork or fishes,
for it goes against his wishes.

If he gives in to your urges,
you can soon expect his purges.
Burger, hot dog, tail or fin
will soon come out where it’s gone in!
Don’t seek to change what horses eat,
for if you do, you’ll meet defeat.

Word prompts today are vivid, urge, asinine, defeat and superlative.

 

 

Fake News

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Fake News

Soon enough real journalism
will become anachronism.
Cretins overly ambitious
will decide that it’s propitious
to forever go online
quoting “truths” most asinine,
overlooking elemental
wisdom that is fundamental,
adding to the whole tableau
with things they “think” but do not “know,”
and God have mercy on the masses
who vote to reelect these asses.

Prompt words today are anachronism, fundamental, propitious, asinine, mercy and tableau. Image by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash.

Poetic Quandaries

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Poetic Quandaries

Prompts can be unpredictable. Of that you can be sure—
if not impossible to use, then probably obscure.
It’s hard not to exaggerate when words are such a stretch.
Hard not to bitch about them. Hard not to whine and kvetch.

We march in lock step in these blogs, so penitent we’re not.
It is the prompters who weave tangled nets in which we’re caught. 
It’s hard for us to devise plans that make use of each word
and add alliteration? Folks it is absurd!!!!

Frost never had such rules to follow–and such provocations.
No such tribulations and no such vacillations.
No trying to put up with a prompt that was absurd,
but on the other hand, he had to think up every word.

Prompts are unpredictable (You can say that again–ha!!!), plan, penitent, march, exaggerate and alliteration.

For another poem for today’s alliteration prompt, go HERE!!!