Category Archives: Humor

Jail Break: For The Sunday Whirl Wordle 623

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Jail Break

All these words are borrowed. They are not really mine.
They came all neatly packaged in an orderly line
where they were held hostage, gathered up and wrapped—
a lexicography in waiting with its power oddly sapped.
Words slack with grief, all gathered in a long veiled sigh,
as though lined up like prisoners, scheduled to die.
Bare pockets empty of bare change, stripped of all their worth,
words that once soared to lofty heights were now brought down to earth.
But here I am their savior, for it’s been left to me
and other hero poets to set their power free.!

The words for The Sunday Whirl Wordle 623 are: slack grief hostage gather bare heights wrapped words pockets long veiled sigh

No Escape, for The Three Things Challenge

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No Escape 

I’ve vowed that I will have no more
of all the things that I abhor.
Indeed, these things that I detest
that in the past came to infest
my head and home and my whole life,
causing pain and stress and strife,
I left behind when I moved South,
and merely hear by word-of-mouth.
And in return, I trade for tales
of my South-of-the-border travails.

 

For the Three Things Challenge the words are: ABHOR DETEST INFEST

Fractured Song Titles, for Fibbing Friday, Oct 6, 2023

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Our topic to lie about this Friday is song titles, so here goes!

Here is the prompt: “This week I’ve chosen Song Titles, but rather than fib about who sung them, can you improvise on what they are about?”

1. Spirit in the Sky: Cocktail hour on the space shuttle.
2. MacArthur Park: What did the WW2 American Pacific commander do when he finally drove into Tokyo? (Actually, Forgottenman came up with this great answer after reading the lame one I had apologized for in an earlier version of this posting. He graciously gave me permission to claim it as my own which my conscience will not let me do!)
3. A Whiter Shade of Pale: Skin tone of Anglos after a long winter season.
4. Crocodile Rock; What we called it when we danced to  Billy Haley’s “See You Later, Alligator, After Awhile Crocodile” in the fifties.
5. Run: What we hope and pray Trump ultimately won’t be able to do again!!!
6. Don’t it make your brown eyes blue:  Contact lens ad.
7. Heaven can wait: Sign at the gate of Purgatory.
8. One night in Bangkok: Approximately 1/10th of the price of a stay at a Motel 6 in the U.S.
9. I know him so well: What Stormy Daniels  says she is “absolutely willing to testify to in court.”
10. Here comes the Sun: What Mom says to Dad every morning as she sees the paper boy pedal up on his bike.

For Pensitivity’s Fibbing Friday

Out on a Ledge (A Mountainous Misadventure)–For Wordle 622, Oct 1, 2023

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Out on a Ledge
(A Mountainous Misadventure)

You’ve provoked me out upon this ledge
and forced me to survey the edge,
but I’m the biggest coward of all,
fast-forwarding to view the fall!

My eyes scroll over far below
the distance that I’d have to go
if I were to tip myself
off this narrow mountainous shelf.

That edge looks crumbly to me,
and instills in me a need to pee.
The sun’s rays swell into a fire,
that well may be my funeral pyre.

My buzzing brain shows lack of trust.
A throbbing heart dictates I must
be off to flee this place I hate.
I just remembered a previous date!

Get me out of here real fast,
or this date will be our last.
When you said we should get high,
I didn’t know you meant the sky!!!

 

I keep telling myself I’m going to stop doing these, but they are irresistible.  The words for The Sunday Whirl Wordle this week are: provoke ledge eyes rays scroll need throbbing buzz fire hate trust fall

Popcorn Mystery

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I’m trying to eat popcorn out of a tall blue soup bowl. I can see a hair sticking up from the popcorn, but no matter how I try, I cannot pick it out of the popcorn. I know I am reaching for the right place, but when I finish, I am empty-fingered and the hair is still there.

It is not until the third try that I realize the hair is just a reflection in the shiny smooth ceramic of the inside of the bowl!!!

“Flip Fibs” for Fibbing Friday Sept 29, 2023

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We all have bad hair days, right? These are hairstyles as well as common words we may be familiar with.

1. Wedge — What I’ll prolly do ef ya ask me. 

2. Mohican–What Mo’s prolly doin’ if he’s been drinkin’ moonshine.

3. French Plait–What George Washington called his new imported teeth. 

4. Pageboy–What Tarzan couldn’t do

5. Bouffant–A Halloween hairdo

6. Pixie–A Photographer’s groupie.

7. Bob–Abbreviation for “Boy oh boy!!!” 

8. Crew Cut–What happens in the kitchen on a boat during meal preparation during stormy weather.

9. Buzz cut–A lumberjack’s favorite hair style.

10. Bunches–Tiny sandwich rolls for tea party fare.

 

Comments: My sister thinks I’m a bit obscure on # 1 and #8, so if you agree, here is some help.

#1. If you propose to me, I’ll wed ja!  (a y is pronounced like a j in my part of Mexico!). Yes. Very obscure. Sorry, Patti and all.

#8.  My fault. I left out part of the sentence.  It should read: Crew cut–what happens in the kitchen on a boat during stormy weather..(.i.e. the boat lurches and the kitchen crew slices their fingers instead of the veggies.)

 

For Fibbing Friday Sept 29, 2023

Cold-Hearted, Short Little Prompt Poem

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 I woke up to this prompt from Forgottenman:
No friggin’ idea why, but I just conjured up a three-word prompt: anvil, fluffy,                        sediment. Do with them as you will or not. (Yeah, I needa head to bed.)
I’ve said before that I am game for any challenge, so here goes:

Cold-Hearted
You’re fluffy as an anvil, as sweet as cod liver pie.
The sediment from the hearts you’ve broken piles up so high
that you can’t be seen behind it, so there you sit, alone.
reflecting on the shattered loves for which you must atone.

Image by Kasia Darenda on Unsplash. And this poem, although written in the second person, is not directed at the prompter. 

 

 

Cat Blanket

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The Cat Blanket
“If Mom’s gonna spread out, we may as well do so, too.”
(Click on photos to enlarge.)

And how many cats here?
How many cats in this Photo?

The kitties were all girlcatting it around outside when I lay down on the sofa, but when I woke up after a 3-hour unplanned nap, they were covering about all of me. I had been listening to a book on my Kindle when I fell asleep, but I suddenly realized it had a camera on it, so then and there, I learned how to use my Kindle to take these photos and how to send them to my computer, all while lying under a cozy cat blanket! I love it that I’m just the bottom cat in the pile.

For The Carrot Ranch’s 99-Word Story prompt

Crass Definitions for Fibbing Friday Sept 22, 2023

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Here is Pensitivity’s task for us this Friday:
You may or not remember these popular movies, be they the originals or remakes, but what do you think they could have been about?

1. The Parent Trap: How my parents might have felt after the birth of their third child
2. The Incredible Journey: That first trip all on your own as a toddler when you slipped out of the bathtub when Mom’s back was turned and ran down the block to your Aunt Mabel’s house at the other end of the block stark naked! (True story)
3. Aladdin: A euphemistic description of a girl’s first sexual encounter.
4. Mission Impossible: The first time you had to parallel park for a driving test.
5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: What your next door neighbor shouted over the back fence the day the you scrambled to retrieve the pages of your manuscript the wind had ripped out of your fingers and blown away. 
6. The Wind in the Willows: When you slip out of the dinner party into the garden to fart. (Sorry for the indelicacy. I know no euphemism.)
7. Underworld: The real you under the girdle, the waist cincher or in the modern world, beneath the Spanx.
8. Legally Blonde: The results after you actually buy your hair coloring in the drug store instead of shoplifting it
9. The Terminator: Papa, when he flips the  front porch lights off and on at ten o’clock during date night’s goodnight kiss
10. The Love Bug:  Crabs

For Pensitivity’s Fibbing Friday

Feeling Owly

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Feeling Owly
(But Owl Be Okay)

When I’m feeling owly and in no mood to talk,
better that you leave me and take a little walk.

Cuz when I’m feeling owly, I don’t like being rushed.
Owly just increases when a girl is feeling crushed.

So leave me to be whooo I am and go be whooo you are.
Leave me in my owly funk and jump into your car

and be off on your business, out in the world’s wild hum.
When I’m in a mood like this, feeling sorta glum,

it’s best to leave me all alone, feeling my mood’s crunch.
Once in a while I feel the need to join the owly bunch!

 

This silly poem actually took me 4 minutes to write. I used the other two minutes to edit and format. Ended in exactly 6 minutes!!! No piece of great literature, but it fulfilled the prompt.

For Stine’s Six Minute Challenge: Write for six minutes about the photo provided above.