Category Archives: Humor

Grandma’s Birthday Confessions (For Sunday Whirl Wordle 620)

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This might have been a better choice for Grandma’s Birthday Cake.

Grandma’s Birthday Confessions

A trick of fate has caused my skin to rumple, thin and bruise.
My limbs are merely spindles and my breasts simply refuse
to remain in their stations!  My locks once shiny gold
have dimmed to dullest silver, thus making me look old!
Of late, I find the edges of things have grown less clear.
I bump myself on door frames and on table tops. I fear
I may have a slight problem with my peripheral vision
which upon occasion has created much derision
on the part of youngsters, whose laughter, I suppose
has something to do with the lipstick on my nose.
And if you wonder why my bangs are so oddly fringed,
please don’t blame my hair stylist. I fear that they were singed
when I tried to blow the candles out on my birthday cake.
Who knew they’d use one candle for each year, for heaven’s sake?

The words for Sunday Whirl Wordle 620 were: late edge spindle skin rumple  fate trick slight singe dim limb

The Lost Blogger Attempts Fibbing Friday, Sept. 15, 2023

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1. Have a break :  What one sumo wrestler said to another before jumping, full weight, on his leg.
2. You’re never alone with a strand : What the keeper said to the Hawaiian lady wearing a lei as he advised her to take it off before she entered the apiary.
3. Snap! Crackle! Pop! The answer the sumo wrestler’s body made to the statement of the sumo wrestler in line 1.
4. The Ultimate Driving Machine:  What other golfers call  Jack Nicklaus.
5. Don’t leave home without it:  The front door key.
6. Have it your way. The final retort of the loser in a marital disagreement
7. Good to the last drop:  Slogan inscribed on the side of a nuclear bomb.
8. Hello Moto: What the one-year-old birthday boy said as he opened his first Hot Wheel gift.
9. Taste the rainbow. What the rain says to the earth just as the sun comes out as it is departing.
10. Because you’re worth it. My reassurance uttered mentally to my conscience each time I buy a new piece of art knowing I have no place left to hang it!

 

For Fibbing Friday Sept. 15, 2023

Cheesecake: for the Three Things Challenge, Sept 10, 2023

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Cheesecake

When we choose to display ourselves
on runways, beaches, screens or shelves,
we should be careful that we don’t show
more than we want the world to know.

 

For Three Things Challenge the three words are: DISPLAY SHOW SHELVED
photo borrowed from the Internet.

 

Crazy Socks

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Sock

Click on these gaudy socks to see them in more glorious detail!!!!!

Crazy Socks

Don’t feel that you must explain
a choice in socks that seems inane.
Sunflowers or checks or plaid
or other patterns in which you gad
should be nobody’s choice but yours.
Black socks are gloomy. White socks bores.
If you would please from top to toe,
choose the socks that make you glow.

Sox that glitter, clash or shock
better propel you ’round the block.
Those who balance on fashion’s fence
may well question your fashion sense
if you wear socks with chickens on them.
But go ahead and buy and don them.
You’ll start the day in mood more spritely
if you dress your feet more brightly!!!

 

 

For the Wednesday Prompts Weekly Challenge: Socks

South Dakota….Through the Eyes of Jeff Foxworthy and Seconded by Me!!!

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Click on image to enlarge.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in South Dakota. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t even work there, you may live in South Dakota. If you’ve worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in South Dakota. If you’ve had a lengthy telephone convers……ation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in South Dakota. If “vacation” means going to Sioux Falls for the weekend, you may live in South Dakota. If you measure distance in hours, you may live in South Dakota. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in South Dakota. If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day and back again, you may live in South Dakota. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in South Dakota. If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked, you may live in South Dakota. If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in South Dakota. If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in South Dakota. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in South Dakota. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in South Dakota. If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in South Dakota. If you find 10 degrees “a little chilly”, you may live in South Dakota. If you know how to pronounce Ipswich, Belle Fourche and Pierre you might be South Dakota. If you actually understand these jokes, repost this so all of your South Dakota friends and others can see…. Too true! LOL

 And, you might think you pronounced Pierre correctly, but unless you rhymed it with beer, you were wrong.

Thanks to my friend Jim Anshutz for sending this to me, and thanks to Cherie Ramsdell for sending it to Jim!!!

It is only coincidence that my new book on growing up in South Dakota will soon be available on Amazon. I’ll let you know when.  It’s titled The China Bulldog and Other Tales of a Small Town Girl.

Image by Alex Person on Unsplash.

Little Duck (for 99 Word Story)

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Little Duck can’t believe it any more than I can.  Out of eight socks taken out of the dryer, six of them are mismatched—which means each of them matches none of the others! You may think some look like they match, but none of them remotely do. If they are the same length, one is heavy and the other see-through. I cannot figure it out as I have even purchased two new pairs of black socks since I left Mexico. Mismatched socks are a Bummer!!! We may have to go buy me some new ones to console ourselves.

 

I think I’m too late to submit to this 99-word challenge, but here are some other Duckie stories from folks who discovered the challenge on time: https://carrotranch.com/blog/

 

 

Food Fight and Flight for Wordle 614

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Food Fight and Resultant Flight

I dabbed the food flecks off of my face
and skittered at a quickening pace,
my tattered hem dragged from the grasp
of my tormenter’s cruel clasp.

Chattering teeth betrayed that place
where I had ended flight and pace
to squeeze my frame into a nook
where my pursuer would never look.

But, trapped within the prison I chose,
I felt the world around me close.
So, squinting out between the slats,
I spied the confirmation that’s

evidence of that scalding truth
that drove me from seclusion’s booth.
Freedom’s worth more than former wishes
to avoid doing the dishes!!

 

Prompts for The Sunday Swirl Wordle 614 are: tattered chattering drag dabbed face hem trapped frame squinted cruel flecks skittered scalded

 

 

Calamity’s Knell (For Wordle 610)

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Calamity’s Knell

As the final school bell rang,
the riddle of that tiny bang,
the whimper as I shut the door,
made me wonder all the more
what had happened as I ran
to try to beat the truant man.

He clenched his jaw and cleared his throat,
I knew that I had got his goat
as I reached the child-sized split
‘tween frame and door and barely fit
to squeeze myself into the school,
thereby proving students rule!

By rights, he couldn’t count me late
so long as I had made the gate.
Peace reigned, then, for all afternoon,
but soon I’d sing a different tune
as I got home to see our mutts
had dined on all the cashew nuts
my aunt brought home from her vacation
for my family’s mastication.

Miserably, I confessed
I bumped the table and made the mess
as I rushed off to school blind
to the spilled nuts I’d left behind.
Such chaos comes from tardy fools
who live adjacent to their schools
and wrongly think that they excel
at winning races with the bell!

 

For The Sunday Whirl Wordle 610  the word prompts are: miserably nuts peace rights blind jaw throat tiny bang whimper fit riddle

Delayed Warning

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Delayed Warning

A bout of indigestion can make a guy a grouch
and leave him prone to lying grumbling on the couch
while his wife stands listening, chuckling in the hall,
remembering how she had warned him not to eat it all.
Yet he had ingested it, as usual, in a hurry
before she could warn him that he was eating curry!

 

For the Three Things Challenge the words are: CHUCKLE GROUCH INDIGESTION
Image by towfiqu-barbhuiya- on Unsplash

No Stone Unturned: Three Things Challenge

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No Stone Unturned

Turning over stones can be overly unpleasant
due to all the denizens likely to be present.
Yet I profess it’s cowardly to just let them lie,
I’m sure you’ll prove your manliness and flip them by and by!

For Pensitivity’s Three Things Challenge, the words are: STONE UNPLEASANT COWARDLY.