Category Archives: Humor

Elefante

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Elefante

In spite of the excrescence on my spaniel’s snout,
he seems to have no problem in sniffing danger out.

When he has an inkling that a cougar or a bear
is within a mile of us, his nose extraordinaire

indicates a warning with a sniff and then a snort,
signaling that it would be a good time to abort

previous plans in order for me to begin musing
about a route more suitable for less dangerous cruising.

He’s a canine Dustin Hoffman or a man’s best friend Durante,
so excessive in proboscis that I’ve named him “Elefante.”

A prince of nasal warning, he’s the hero of my life,
so I’d never dream of yielding him to the surgeon’s knife,

for unlike other species, dogs are not subject to vanity—
another indication of the extent of their sanity.

 

Prompt words today are *excrescence, dangerous, musing, inkling, prince and responsible. *An excrescence is a distinct outgrowth on a human or animal body or on a plant, especially one that is the result of disease or abnormality. As you might have guessed, “elefante” is Spanish for elephant. Image from Unsplash.

For CBWC, Nov 24, 2022: Long Items

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My nephew Ryan is certainly a long item !  He can remedy that a bit with a sideways curve, but not much! Click on photos to make him even taller!!!

For CBWC, Long Items

A Packapoo Thanksgiving

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A *Packapoo Thanksgiving

A steward of the somber in other respects, when it came to Thanksgiving, she had more colorful and grandiose dreams. Cranberries, succulent turkey stuffed with cornbread and sage dressing, another baked and crustily-topped casserole of the same stuffing pulled from a hot oven along with butter-pooled mashed potatoes, giblet gravy, sweet potatoes and green bean casserole wherein mere green beans were adorned and mixed with cream of mushroom soup, water chestnuts and crispy fried onion rings were what her palate expected and her heart hoped for.

But this year, for the first time in memory, she herself was not in control of the menu. In spite of her arguments that she actually loved all the fuss and bother of making the Thanksgiving meal, her husband had insisted that they go to his friend’s house where his new bride would prepare the meal, and knowing the young, fit yoga instructor his friend had married, she knew she had drawn a packapoo ticket on this one. What were the chances that out of the five or six items the menu would be likely to offer, that even one of her own choices would be revealed?

She had visions of a tofu turkey, watercress salad, grapefruit wedges and perhaps the wild excitement of pita bread and tahini. Fresh fruit for the dessert was a probability, sulfite-free wine the only nearly titillating item on the menu, a poor substitute for a pre-meal dry martini with double olives.

She screwed on her earring backs, adjusted the curl of hair behind one ear, slipped into the posture-destructive heels that she knew the bride would have to bite her cheek to refrain from commenting on. Then, as she heard her husband start up the car in the driveway and toot the horn, she moved to the fridge for a peek at the two pies nestled on the second shelf: one pumpkin, one pecan.  She opened the freezer door and saw the half gallon of Kirkland vanilla ice cream, then slammed both doors shut.  Her reward would come later that night, when they got home. There were simply some traditions no one should have to give up on!!!!

*Note: A Packapoo ticket is  a mess, something in a state of chaos or things randomly thrown together.  Sources may be a pakapoo ticket which could be bought and that contained rows of characters from the Thousand Character Classic, an ancient poem in which no two words were repeated or the Chinese Pakapoo game where betters choose 10 numbers. If they existed on a random drawn list of 100, they won money according to how many were correct.

Prompt words for today are packapoo ticket, somber, steward, argument, banquet. The photos of the turkey and two pies were downloaded from Unsplash. All other photos are mine. 

Speed Dating

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Speed Dating

Leaning on the table, you taste your glass of wine,
enact acts of seduction that in truth should have been mine.
Your fingers on my elbow tap a light tattoo.
High on wine and romance, I lean over to kiss you,
but this invigorating juncture ends before we’re able
as the bell sounds and each of us is off to a new table.

Prompt words are leaning, wine, invigorating, enact, tattoo, high. Image by Jiawei Zhao on Unsplash.

The Proposal

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The Proposal

He’s economically trustworthy, but has a humdrum mind.
He’ll never write a sonnet, for he’s more the right-brain kind.
He’ll never sculpt a fountain or create a work of art,
but he’s brilliant at accounting, numerically smart.
So he won’t paint your masterpiece, but if you ever spy it,
if he’s the one you married, you can bet that he can buy it!!

Prompt words are sonnet, fountain, humdrum, economic, trustworthy. Image by Andra Jackson on Unsplash.

Teenage Angst

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Teenage Angst

High dudgeon is the proper mood of teenage revolution,
and their parents’ interference will not aid in its dilution.
Tactics that they utilize to make their children straight
do little to sort it out, and instead, agitate,
creating more rebellion. So, leave them to their snit.
By the time they’re twenty, they’ll grow out of it!

words today are dudgeon, interference, revolution, utilize, straight.

The Dandelion Forest

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The Dandelion Forest

The dandelion forest is spooky deep inside,
so it’s not a perfect place for small creatures to hide,
but when a mouse comes creeping up to steal a single berry
from your breakfast cereal, he’ll put up with those scary
dandelion spirits who register the stress
of all the timid creatures who register distress
and quickly gobble up those fearful ones who enter.
He’ll weave around the edges, avoiding  the dead center,
careful not to manifest any dread or fear,
so the dandelion goblins will not come very near.
I’m qualified to tell you this tale I verify
is the gospel truth, for I wouldn’t tell a lie.
That a stand of dandelions is a cause for care,
maybe isn’t obvious when you are way up there,
but before you question this tale of fear and vice,
remember that this tiny mouse is not afraid of mice!!!!

 

Prompt words are spooky, qualified, register, manifest, berry and dandelion. Mouse image by Ricky Kharawala on Unsplash, Dandelion by Judy. And, also for Cee’s FOTD.

I admit, this one is a stretch, but a person’s gotta try…..

Can of Worms

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Can of Worms

I find I have no antidote for your ogreish moods.
I can’t dispel your fury and the dark cloud it exudes.
Nothing can dissuade you from your atrocious mood.
It is your obligation to sit there and to brood.

I try to draw you out the door to take a little walk—
to absorb the joys of nature, for a picnic and a talk,
but your mood is much too durable to fall apart so easily.
It cannot be deflected by cajoling made so breezily.

If I drew a stat sheet on these redundant snits
that are bound to come on weekly and soon turn into fits,
the graph would be predictable, with bad moods every Monday—
ironically, that day you’ve set aside and call your funday.

It’s that day you go out feeling fine and come home feeling sick—
that day that you go fishing with your brother Rick
who always catches bigger fish than those that choose your hook—
the ones that you throw back and don’t bring home for me to cook.

So, all-in-all, my gloomy spouse, the thing that I’ve been wishing
is that you’d suspend your bouts of familial fishing.
Stay home with me and prove to me that you’re my sexy man,
and we can dine on  tunafish straight out of a can!!!

 

Promp words for the day are ogreish, obligation, stat, durable, draw and redundant.

Vulture

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Vulture

I am not too fond of this peculiar guy
who seeks an invitation to see my latest buy.

He barely fits the envelope of people I can bear,
for he is always scouting out possessions that are rare.

So it is with priceless antiques that he says are just old
and so he makes these propositions that are brash and bold.

When I replace this table with one brand spanking new,
he could haul off this old one for me (for a buck or two.)

He thinks I do not know the value of all that I buy
and so he reconnoiters with a greedy eye,

and when he sees an object that has seen a bit of wear,
he’ll focus on the object with his greedy stare

and say that when I’m done with it and go to buy another,
he could take my old one and give it to his mother.

Friends like this, I’m sure you’ll say, come a dime a dozen,
and I’d agree and shun him if he weren’t my only cousin!

Prompt words today are envelope, peculiar, invitation, seek, latest and spanking.

Makeover

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Makeover

She yearned to be apocryphal, a legend in her time.
Her face on Wikipedia would make her feel sublime.
She yearned to be a feature in all the major papers.
To be of national interest would give the girl the vapors.
Her impact on the fashion scene she knew could change the world.
They’d want to know her lipstick brand and how her hair was curled.
The collapse of world markets would be based on her whims—
where she took her refreshments and where she took her swims.
It didn’t really matter what was inside her head,
for everyone would concentrate on what she did instead.
Her bikin waxes and her French manicure
would be the accomplishments destined to endure.
No one would remember the plain girl that she’d been
once that she had changed her name to Kardashian.

Prompt words today are face, feature, collapse, apocryphal,  impact, refreshments. Image by Freestocks on Unsplash.