Category Archives: humorous poem

Infirm Ingratitude

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Infirm Ingratitude

Since I broke my arm and leg and am out of commission,
all my friends and neighbors have assumed it as a mission
to bring us over casseroles—two or three a day.
Way too many meals-on-wheels for us to put away.

Not one of us encouraged them, yet they seem to compete
in conjuring up mixtures that they feel that we should eat!
And though it’s rude to quibble over what it has elicited,
allow me to point out that all this food was unsolicited.

One concoction more has just wound up at my door
that I know my family is sure to abhor.
That the dogs and cats won’t eat it is our in-family joke. 
I’d put it down the drain, but our garbage disposal broke.

My husband says it’s wasteful to throw out all this food,
but I would have to chain up my picky-eater brood
and pry their clenched jaws open to get them to just taste
all this food my husband has said I shouldn’t waste!!!

Yet I’ve lately noticed that he, too, seems way less able
to consume the edibles delivered to our table.
So I’ve devised a plan and tonight is my rehearsal
for my plot to deal with leftover food dispersal.

My broken leg is slowing down the speed with which I dash
to sneak out after midnight bearing our inedible trash.
I lug the laden bags out with my one good arm,
hoping that my passing won’t trigger the alarm

to turn the backyard floodlights on to wake up all the neighbors
so that they can witness my furtive nightly labors.
Now it is my incentive to speedily get well
just to end this present culinary Hell!!!!

Prompts today are: chains, concoction, unsolicited, quibble, compete and encourage.

Winter Provisioning

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Winter Provisioning

The cows are in the pasture, plump but in the nude,
watching for their daily hay bales to be renewed.
My prestigious assignment is to drive the truck
while Daddy tips the hay bales off, for he has all the luck!
The cows think he’s their savior while I’m just the chauffeur.
So though my appearance does not cause a stir,
when they see his welcome face, they speed by in a blur
to break into the hay bales that my dad has spread,
and that is how in winter, daily, our cows are fed!!!

 

Prompts today are plump, renew, prestigious, watch, assignment and pasture. Image by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

Wedding Ows

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Wedding Ows

Our wedding plans are complicated by the groom’s lasciviousness
that I find incongruous to his vows of  exclusivi”us”ness.
That marriage vows will tame him I fear will prove misleading.
He’ll make his heart available  as long as it is beating
to any passing lady who looks in his direction,
a fact which as you see has not escaped his bride’s detection.
You might think I’m a martyr to forgive this faithless phony,
but I am looking forward to the future alimony!

Prompt words today are complicated, available, lasciviousness, patient, incongruous and misleading. Image by Nathan Walker on Unsplash.

A Cautionary Tale

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A Cautionary Tale

I’m held spellbound by your plan. It is ingenious for sure.
You might be a benefactor and your motives may be pure,
but still you are a diplomat and know your way around
all of the maneuverings that daily may be found

in politics and daily life and so I wonder why
the minute that I said I’d sell, you made an offer to buy.
Is it, as you say, because you know I need the cash,
or are your motives otherwise and have I been too rash

in leaping at your offer? Perhaps I’ll look around
and see if there’s a better deal waiting to be found.
Conspiracies are floating ’round. I hear there is an air full.
In politics and real estate, you cannot be too careful.

 

Prompt words today are spellbound, why, benefactor, ingenious, diplomatic. Image by Maria Lin Kim Luhn on Unsplash

Pro or Con?

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Pro or Con?

Sternutation means to sneeze—
(to create a noisy breeze)
but no one knows what perturbation
might be set off by a  sternation.
Could it be the sternum’s action
when it raises in reaction
caused by the excessive sneezing,
coughing, sputtering and wheezing
brought on by the summer gusts
that stir up pollen, raise up dust?

At the height of of last year’s forum
where we barely drew a quorum,
we discussed the summer pollen
that had lately daily fallen.
Prodigals returning home
bemoaned the flower bits and loam
raised into the gusty air
that stripped the flowers and pathways bare.

It’s true folks stare when you are sneezing,
but perhaps you find this pleasing.
If raised sternums cause sternation,
causing your lungs full dilation,
perhaps it is good for you
to rid your lungs of dust and goo.
So tell me, when you’re on vacation,
Are you pro or consternation?

Prompt words today are forum, height, stare, prodigal, summer and consternation.

Flipped

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Flipped

Do you feel a bit off-kilter,
like your life has lost its filter,
friends are either crass or boring,
same old stories leave you snoring,
news from north, east, west and south
has you foaming at the mouth?

What politicians have to say
more like folklore every day?
The world more than you can abide
now that our heroes all have died?
How do you sift the lies from fact—
determine how you should react?

Ladies and gents, I have to say
that I do not know the way
to save a world that’s in a pickle.
Best that we just toss a nickel
and see what way the flipped coin goes.
Heads are yesses, tails are noes!!!!

Prompt words today are filter, boring, foaming, react, folklore and lady. Image from Unsplash.

Surprise Ending

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Surprise Ending

When friendship flares to romance with a speed that is flammiferous,,
what’s thought to be just kinship might turn out to be splendiferous.

. . . . and you must find it ironic
that regard you thought platonic
(more a brother or a cousin)
now brings roses by the dozen
as a symbol of affection
that somehow escaped detection
all those years you were “just” friends,
and that is how your story ends.

Loves that come about from friendings
are the happiest of endings!!!

 

Prompts today are ironic, symbol, romance, kinship, dozen, flammiferous. Image by Nick Karvounis on Unsplash.

Absent Hearted, Feb 14, 2023

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Absent Hearted

On the shirt tails of Christmas and the dregs of New Year’s Eve,
comes a celebration only the most naive
dare to overlook and refuse to celebrate
by offering a valentine and/or a special date
with sentimental offerings—a heart-shaped box of candy.
(Jewelry or even a small bouquet is dandy.)

I advise you take my wise advice and that you beware.
If you do not mind me and sit there in your chair
viewing reruns on TV and do not heed my warning,
take me at my word. You will be punished in the morning.
Your breakfast will be cold.  Also, your spouse’s shoulder
will, without a doubt, be forty degrees colder!

Prompt words today are celebrate, punish, dregs, sentimental, chair.  Images all from Unsplash.

Creative Process

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Creative Process

With 4/5ths of my life now in the past,
I am trying to pen some thoughts that will last.
I tackle the prompt words and as they pop by,
off of the screen and into my eye,
they proceed past the junction of optic nerve and brain,
link couplings and thereby become a word train.

As they leave my brain and into my fingers,
almost in seconds, not one of them lingers.
They rush past my fingers and onto the screen
where they’re determined to finally be seen.
Was I their author? Don’t be absurd.
This poem was merely writ by the word!!!

Prompts today are tackle, high, junction, past,  (Two fewer than usual, as two of the prompts had not been posted by the time I started writing this.) Photo by Clarissa Watson on Unsplash

Re-Generation, Wordle 592

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Re-Generation

Once I realized culture owned me, still I had no will to change,
for alternate modes of living are so hard to arrange.
Yet I set out to mold me to be different from the crowd
and I have done so well at it that I admit I’m proud.

First I got a nose ring and then I got tattooed.
I push my way up to the front where formerly I queued.
Whereas once I used the phrase that “You’re so very very,”
I finally invested in the Urban Dictionary.

So while I was once “with it,” now finally I’m so “dope,”
that this former Boomer will soon be Gen Z, I hope.
I regret all those years when I pressed front seams in my jeans,
but now that I have shredded them, I feel I’m in my teens.

Now that I’m a “meme”ing master and Snap Chat is a snap,
I’m expert in my dissing and I’ve reversed my cap.
Now that I have changed so much,  I feel I’m at my best
in becoming different exactly like the rest!!

 

For the Sunday Whirl 592 the prompt words are: culture realized owned first proud change me here dictionary