Tag Archives: humorous poetry

Lucky at Languages, Unlucky at Love

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Image from freeimages.com            

This poem is pretty silly, but I like the challenge of using only one rhyme for an entire poem. More of a puzzle than anything else.

Lucky at Languages, Unlucky at Love

The night was warm and balmy and he was a man in uniform.
She was adept at languages from French to Greek to Cuneiform.
They met one balmy evening on the Eiffel Tower.
He aided her in climbing, then offered her a flower.
She thanked him first in French and when it drew a puzzled glance,
she surmised he must be from a place other than France.
She tried again in English, in Spanish and in Greek.
She would have tried her Chinese, but her Mandarin was weak.
She pointed to his medals, his ribbons and his bars—
all his decorations. She counted all his stars,
but could not find the language to express admiration.
And thus the evening ended, I fear in consternation.
The moral of the story? Put your horse before the cart. 
It’s best to know love’s language before you give your heart.

 

The prompts today were uniform and balmy. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/12/03/rdp-monday-uniform/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/12/03/balmy/

And Make it Zippy!!!

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An Open Letter to Panasonic, Apple and Ziplock

Since it is true, I must report–
my phone cord’s always two feet short
of reaching from the wall connection
towards my office desk’s direction.
And Apple power cords, for heaven’s sake.
Could they make one that doesn’t break?

Why don’t Ziplocks really zip?
Why can’t I ever find the lip
to pull the damn thing easily closed?
Nothing’s as simple as supposed.
So to the fellows who design,
please listen to these words of mine:

This customer is getting miffed.
Please don’t hold her in short shrift.
Assure me that the fault’s not mine
by bettering your weak design.
Just make your flipping phone cords longer!
Ziplocks zippier, Mac cords stronger!

In the interim, I’ll use
tape and rubber bands and glues.
My power cord’s life they will assure
and keep my plastic bags secure.
I’ll shove my desk over on my own
to try to reach the blooming phone.

But finally I’m sure I’ll snap
and cease to buy your ill-formed crap.
So get my drift and make some changes.
A thing like this is what deranges
and drives us to cell phones, PC’s,
and covered bowls to store our cheese!!!!

For the Ragtag prompt: Zip

A Surefire Recipe for Banishing Dejection

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Click on first photo to enlarge all.

 

A Surefire Recipe for Banishing Dejection

If you’re feeling down and out about this last election,
here’s a recipe that might banish your dejection.
Or, if instead your problem is way too much to do,
this selfsame concoction might just work for you.

You need to take a holiday away from all your hurrying.
Life was not created for perpetual worrying.
Take all the world’s problems and put them on a shelf.
Take a little time off  purely for yourself.

Find a ripe banana, a papaya and some ice.
Blueberries, soy milk, fiber and some apple juice are nice.
Don’t worry if the papaya has a big brown spot.
You can cut it out because, poisonous? It’s not.

Put it in a blender. Push the button with your finger.
It’s not automatic, so you will have to linger
while the magic little blades make your concoction thinner.
Take a meditation break as you watch its spinner.

After just a minute, retire with your drink.
Take it to an easy chair to have a little think.
Chances are your problem is that you do not sin enough,
so, pour a little gin in if you find it isn’t thin enough.

The Ragtag prompt today is Holiday.

Acquisitions

10 Replies

If you want a closer view, click on the first photo to enlarge all.

Acquisitions

It’s all part and parcel of what I’ve been repressing—
one of those hidden vices I should have been addressing.
All those dingy corners filled with useless things.
Wondering how much happiness each hoarded object brings.
How can I glide through life carrying such a pack?
It must impede my progress with all that on my back.

There must be a reason a turtle has a shell
that enables all he glides through to slide off him as well.
He doesn’t amass fortune or any worldly thing.
Each day he starts anew to see what it might bring.
Perhaps in my next life I’ll be less of a hoarder.
and in the life I’m finishing I’ll be a better sorter.

One pile for donations, another I will sell.
Another, objects for old friends I know will love them well.
One pile for Yolanda and one for Pasiano.
Old pictures for my sister to put on her piano.
Rings for all my nieces and earrings for my friends.
When it comes to shoes, the pile never ends.

When it is all sorted, the clothes all hung on racks,
knickknacks on the tables and records piled in stacks,
I’ll open up garage doors and let the masses in
to sort through all the boxes and plow through every bin.
And when the weekend’s over—the chaos and the din,
I’ll start amassing more and start the process all again!

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/11/06/rdp-tuesday-parcel/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/11/06/fowc-with-fandango-repress/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/11/06/dingy/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/11/04/daily-addictions-2018-week-44/ glide

Pursuing the Wild Prompt

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Pursuing the Wild Prompt

This blog’s teeming with challenges by the day or week.
I seem to find a new one everywhere I seek.
This leads to combinations of words that are deplorable.
At times the stories that they tell, admittedly are horrible.
Still we keep on churning out this poetry and prose
using all these silly words that other people chose.
Why do we use these words that they give us fully blown?
Because the alternative is thinking up our own!

 

The prompts are week, challenge, teem and deplorable.  Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/19/rdp-friday-week/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/19/fowc-with-fandango-challenge/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/13/daily-addictions-2018-week-41/teem
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/19/deplorable/

 

Troglodyte*

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Troglodyte

She remained safely part of the herd.
Anything “different” she labeled absurd.
Stellar works of writing or music or art
raised her concern as they stirred up her heart.

Since she did not approve of rattling the senses,
she kept herself safely concealed behind fences.
Bright jarring colors too much of a risk,
she surrounded herself with calm shades of  bisque.

When the masses went clubbing, she simply stayed home
sipping tea on her terrace with her garden gnome.
No witty rejoinders with which to contend.
No strangers to challenge beliefs or offend.

All of her life deliberately planned
to ward off adventure and preserve the bland,
as the world interacted and frolicked and rapped,
she petted her cat and frequently napped.

* A Troglodyte  is a person characterized by reclusive habits or outmoded or reactionary attitudes

The prompt words for today are herd, fence stellar and concern. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/11/rdp-thursday-herd/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/11/fowc-with-fandango-fence/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/11/stellar/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/daily-addictions-2018-week-40/concern

Good Sport

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Good Sport

Although he’s just a featherweight with arms and legs like sticks,
he survives all the scrimmages— the shoving and the kicks.
He’s always game to play the sport in any sort of weather,
with his helmet duct taped to his head and gaiters of fine leather.
He’ll show up to participate whenever they might please
with elbow guards and shoulder pads and cushions on his knees.
Every game he joins his teammates in the dugout trench,
where though they never let him play, he’s faithful to the bench.
And no matter how much they may  laugh and jeer and chide and tease,
When it’s time for the team photo, he’ll turn up and mutter, “Cheese!”

Cheese, feather and game are the haunted wordsmith’s prompts today. Here is the link:
https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/three-things-challenge-18-sept-2018/

Not Prone to Marry

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Not Prone to Marry

I am a happy spinster—a perpetual “Miss.”
I cannot fathom sinking into a passioned kiss.
I am without an anchor. Obligations have I few.
No imperious husband tells me what to do.

I have no need to ferret out the reasons why I’m single.
It’s not for hate of men and I am not loath to mingle.
I simply like my privacy, have no need for a kid.
While others chose to say “I do,” I simply never did.

 

The prompt words today are fathom, anchor, imperious and ferret. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/rdp-sunday-fathom/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/16/fowc-with-fandango-anchor/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/imperious/ 
http://www.inlinkz.com/new/view.php?id=797445 ferret

On the Bottle

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On the Bottle

Even though the likelihood I’ll do so might diminish,
the few times  I’ve been tipsy, I’ve still made it to the finish.
And though the fact I crawled the last few blocks made me most pensive,
you must admit my efforts to get home were comprehensive!

Okay, here are the real prompts for today: comprehensive, tipsy, diminish

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/09/fowc-with-fandango-comprehensive/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/09/tipsy/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/diminish

Family Vacation

4 Replies

 

 

 

Version 6My dad in a slower mode of conveyance.

Family Vacation

My father on vacation was robotic in his thrust.
His modus operandi was to get there or to bust—
another hundred miles or so before we stopped to sup,
and we rarely got a room before the moon was up!

When he hit the highway, he became another man.
No mere roadside attraction could deflect his driving plan.
In those days of two-lane traffic and a speed limit of fifty,
he thought five hundred miles a day sounded rather nifty.

Fathers prone to threaten, who hit and rage and cuss
are, I fear, too often too ubiquitous.
But this was not my father. Rage was not his style.
He simply had addictions to mile after mile!

My dad was generous and fun. He told a story well,
but to take a trip with him was nothing short of Hell.
 His proclivity to “get there,” I fear was never curable,
and so family vacations were just barely endurable!

 

Version 2
My sisters and I with my dad.  He didn’t usually look this grim!

The prompt words today are highway, durable, robot and ubiquitous. Here are the links:

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/01/fowc-with-fandango-highway/

https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/08/26/daily-addictions-2018-week-34/durable

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/01/rdp-saturday-robot/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/01/ubiquitous/