Category Archives: Humor

Mind Twisters, For Fibbing Friday, May 2, 2025

For Fibbing Friday, the task at hand is:

1.  What is a Lover’s Knot? A menage a trois gone wrong.
2.  Where is the Milky Way? The Freeway after a collision between a milk truck and a semi carrying a load of candy bars. 
3.  What is a belly flop? The result of a failed diet.
4.  Why do they say ‘Break a leg’ before a performer goes on stage? Sour grapes.
5.  What is a goof ball? A football thrown or carried over the opponent’s goal line by mistake.
6.  What is two for his heels and one for his nob? (Remember: FAMILY FRIENDLY!!!!!) A pair of shoes and a matching hat.
7.  Why should every woman have a LBD? Because they are out of BLTs.
8.  What is an Updo? A face lift.
9.  What do pearl, silverskin and button have in common? Two types of onions and a type of mushroom..
10. Why does the rain in Spain stay mainly in the plain? Because it has a speech impediment.

Obsolete for MVB

Fast Change

This modern world has changed and changed
until I have become estranged.
These alterations make me dizzy.
I do not like my world so busy.

The young are used to change, it’s true.
They love the instant and the new.
Texts and sound bites come so fast.
Nothing’s really built to last.

But, for someone over fifty,
all this change is hardly nifty.
When at each end the candle’s burned,
when everything we’ve newly learned,

when everything that we hold dear
turns obsolete within one year,
we’re always slightly out of gear,
which makes us feel unjustly queer.

They make these changes without a clue.
Let’s start out minor, then work up to
the major things they’ve set askew:
(I will not mention Dr. Who.)

Every computer becomes its clone.
I cannot use the telephone.
My applications change so quick
that I have come to feel I’m thick.

Skype makes its changes overnight.
(Yet rarely ever improves the site.)
Microsoft Word just loves to change,
which leaves her users feeling strange.

Move this to there and that down here;
so all my mental powers, I fear,
are spent in figuring out the APP
and organizing a mental map

of how to write instead of what,
creating one big mental glut.
No room for creativity.
No safe place where our minds soar free.

We’re always “searching” for, instead,
our minds caught up in fear and dread
of where they’ve moved the enlarge bar to
in this week’s Word processing zoo!

Our e-mail servers have joined the plot.
I feel like pitching out the lot.
Just when I’ve learned most every trick
of tool and contact, every lick—

their Machiavellian, evil team
goes and changes the whole darn scheme!
But when we’re sending coast-to-coastal,
the alternative is going postal.

So though we bitch and though we frown,
they are the only game in town;
and so they have us where they want us.
Though they frustrate, ire and daunt us,

one after another, they are the same,
playing at this modern game
of change for change’s sake, it’s true.
There’s really nothing much to do.

So I submit, though in a tizzy,
I’ll relax less and keep real busy.
I’ll leave the cyber world alone
and concentrate on just one bone

I have to pick in this modern world,
and I say this with my top lip curled.
Max Factor, Revlon, Almay, please—
I kneel before you on my knees.

Leave the lipstick colors that we hold dear
alone! Don’t change them every year.
Each time you cancel one that’s zesty,
to find another makes us testy!!!

For My Vivid Blog, the prompt is “obsolete.”

Short Memory for MVB “Repeat” Apr 28, 2025

Short Memory

If I repeat what I just said,
I know I could go back to bed
instead of laboring to pen
what has not already been.

But I fear I can’t recall
past things that I have spoken at all.
So here’s a rhyme placed at your feet
that chances are, I won’t repeat!!!

The  prompt for My Vivid Blog today is Repeat

“Stopping by Friends” for SOCS Apr 26, 2025

DSC00274 DSC00271

Stopping by Friends Enroute to California

Whose house this is I surely know.
I’m sleeping on their sofa, though
And did not see that table there
And so I stubbed my little toe.

Their monstrous dog must think it queer
To find a stranger sleeping near
And yet no fuss he seems to make.
Golden retrievers are most dear.

He gives his collar tags a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
And wakens me from where I sleep–
A task that is a piece of cake.

The morning’s early, dark and deep,
But now I won’t return to sleep,
for I have schedules to keep
And miles to drive before more sleep.

I hope this parody  I wrote of “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” will qualify  For SOCS “Shake”prompt.

for Fibbing Friday, Apr 25, 2025

Image thanks to the NY Public Library

for Fibbing friday, the task at hand is:

  1. Who was buried in King Tut’s tomb? Christopher Robin, who was the one who uttered the phrase “Tut, tut, it might rain,” to cause Pooh to raise his umbrella to save himself from the bees. 
  2. Why did the Sphinx have a lion’s body and a human head? Because in the alternative choice,  the human body couldn’t support the lion’s head.
  3. What month of the year did the Nile River overflow its banks? Oct”Ober.”
  4. How many gods did the ancient Egyptians worship? Every one.
  5. How much makeup did Cleopatra wear? Enough to cover her eyes and face.
  6. How long was Nefertiti’s neck? Long enough to reach from her shoulders to her head.
  7. Why did the Egyptians walk so strangely? Their skirts were too tight. (See illustration above.)
  8. .How many pyramids did they build? Too many.
  9. What was Ramses II known for? Butting heads with the Nubians.
  10. What did the Egyptians do in Karnak? Watched the Johnny Carson show.

Wrecking My Ping

 

Image (This is the actual result of my speed test after I turned off the VPN.)

Wrecking My Ping

“I don’t know what to make of ping,”
he told me, simply answering
my question of the difference
and, in truth, my inference
that he would know the answer and
as usual would take a hand
in clarifying one time more
what a speed test measures for
and what they had to do with “ping”
and downloading and uploading
and whether one point twenty three
was enough download for me
and whether zero point six seven
would get me into upload heaven
and what this ping stuff had to do
with starts and stops that ruined my view
of films that I had hoped to stream
that only made me want to scream
because they came in fits and starts,
ruining all my favorite parts!

Are they adequate, I asked?
His scorn was only partly masked
as he admitted they weren’t at all.
“And ping?” I asked him this last thing.
and he was quick in answering,
“I don’t know what to make of ping,”

Ping Fact (Addendum)

These numbers are the actual,
although they aren’t the factual
upload feeds
nor download speeds,
for I forgot to disconnect
the VPN and so I wrecked
results of loading speed and ping,
but I was apt in my rhyming
which only goes to show a poet
is not a techie, so now you knowet!

 

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt, the word is Wreck

Unruly Punctuation!!! for SOCS Apr 18, 2025

Please note that I’ve used the punctuation marks in place of the words that describe them, so in reading the poem, you need to pronounce each mark. For ! say exclamation mark.  For. say period.

Unruly Punctuation

When a guy driving a GMC
swoops into line in front of me
and takes the place I meant to park,
I use an !

While the ,’s made for multi-tasking,
in a sentence meant for asking,
there has to be a ?
lest readers be left in the dark.

An ! is fine
when simply put at end-of-line,
but,
too many (quite a fault of mine)
bring out the punctuation narcs
to ban those !!!!!!!!!!

Those abounding in . . .
are labeled punctuation gypsies
because they don’t know when to stop.
So please call in a grammar cop.

I must admit that I am rash
and tend to overuse the .
What’s more, my editor goes crazy
when I forget or just get lazy.
His eyes bug out, his face goes red
when I make use of  instead.

The . is the simplest mark.
At sentence end it’s meant to park.
It’s always put where it is best
to let the sentence come to rest,
and no one puts it elsewhere lest
the reader is put to the test
to search from clause to clause to clause
to figure out where he can pause.

When I think of rhymes for ,
only strange words like pajama
are what come to mind—or llama—
or words not to the point, like “mama;”
so I’ll just say the Oxford ,
is like MAGA folks to Obama.
If his (and my) advice is heeded,
it will be clear that they’re not needed!!!

The purpose of the 
is as clear as it can be:
Judy’s car or Judy’s house,
Judy’s dog or Judy’s spouse.
Yet, when the pronoun enters in,
it is the biggest grammar sin
to use apostrophes for possession
(although I’ll make this hard confession
that often I, unthinkingly,
will write it’s where it never fits.)
It’s in possession should be its!)
“It’s” only used as a contraction.
(It’s a faction, but not it’s faction.)

I think I may conduct a poll on
: versus ;
Which one separates two clauses,
signaling those longer pauses;
and which one signifies a list?
I’m sure that you have got the gist
of which is which—where each should go
to end this punctuation woe.

( ) mark an aside, much as amight do,
Like “ ”, they’re paired. You always must use two.
Which brings us to the  that joins a compound word.
You never put a space in. To do so is absurd.
You should not use it as a dash with spaces on each side.
That is an antique usage that I simply can’t abide.

Yet if you choose to Google some of the rules here,
there will be discrepancies from site to site, I fear.
What I say they’ll question. They’ll support what I must pan.
So I can only say that I’ve accomplished what I can.
In spite of all my studying, despite my dedication—
I find that few agree on rules applied to punctuation!!!!

 

Here’s my response for SOCS: Our Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “exclamation.’” Add an exclamation mark to your title or the first word/sentence of your post and just keep writing. Have fun!

“Life of Syn” for Fibbing Friday, Apr. 18, 2025

 

Photo from Unsplash

The word puzzles for Fibbing Friday are:

1. Synergy: The amount of vigor/vitality we possess that is delegated to the pursuit of evil .
2. Synonym: The false name we use when embarking on naughty endeavors
3. Synchronicity: When we chance upon someone equally larcenous as ourselves
4. Syncopate: When change our hairdo to follow a fad.
5. Synopsis: What the naughty sister often says to her perfect sister when trying to persuade her to participate in one of her “adventures.”
6. Synaesthesia: When you wake up not remembering the wild night before.
7. Synaptosome: A naughty website availabe to some but not all.
8. Synanthropes: Naughty sinners
9. Synagogal: A lady of dubious morals who is up for nearly everything.
10 Synaptid: The fake name you use to go onto naughty internet sites.

“Master of None” for the Three Things Challenge, Apr 16, 2025

Click on Photos to Enlarge.

for the Three Things Challenge, the prompt is “Master”

“To Do List” for the Sunday Whirl 702

To Do List

Shoot moonbeams at your heroes,
shoot bullets at your foes.
Sing songs of blended melodies
to exorcise your woes.

Don your hood and start a brawl.
Flick hound hairs from your sleeves.
Wear your racing stripes to prove
what nobody believes.

This present trip around the track
is not your first or last.
It’s only things we have not done
that make us feel aghast.

For the Sunday Whirl Wordle702 the prompt words are: races wear hound brawl song hood blend heroes flick shoot trip beams