Category Archives: Humor

For Fibbing Friday, May 16, 2025

For Fibbing Friday, the task at hand is:

1. What is pilau rice?  One grain of your rice
2. What are eggs benedict? Why ask him? I can tell you that they are items laid by chickens to produce more chickens or omelettes.
3. What is a souffle? A slight altercation
4. What is baked Alaska?  Summer in Juneau
5. What is crème brulee? Coffee served with dairy and a flower necklace.
6. What is a victoria sponge? An English birth control device
7. What is a raspberry roulade? Something that helps one set up regulations for Driscoll’s.
8. What is cannoli ? A small canister
9. What is kamaboko?  A security/surveillance system in a library
10. What are sweetbreads? Humans genetically engineered to have kind dispositions.

 

“Barstool Bombast” May 15, 2025

Curling her palms around her usual potion, Robin tried to seal her ears to the bombastic recitations of the exploits of the geriatric uni-cyclist seated on a barstool to her right. Friday afternoon club was less fun in one’s seventies.

The words for “Can You Tell A Story In––” are: Curl, Potion, Robin, Uni–cycle and Bombast, and the word limit is 40 words:

No Sympathy, for MVB, May 10, 2025

 

No Sympathy

I fear I’m barely lucid, for digestion dominates.
I’ve just had a sumptuous banquet of pork shank, rice and dates.
I know it’s fairly common to gorge and then complain,
yet I’m sure that the world’s hungry would gladly share our pain.

 

For MVB the prompt is Banquet.

For Fibbing Friday, May 9, 2025

Iggy Pop

For Fibbing Friday, the words to redefine are:

1.   Poggers: Female members of Edgar Alan’s fan club.
2.   Simp: Bart’s father. (Bart is Simp son) 
3.   Bussin: What you be doing if you run out of money to buy gas for your car.
4.   Delulu: DeTubby’s little friend
5.   Gucci: The vital life force or flowing energy that makes one a successful mud-wrestler.
6.   Vibing: What Canadian geese are doing when they fly in formation.
7.   Rizz: What they eat with red beanzz in New Orleans.
8.   Cheugy: Nickname for a wrestler known for biting his opponents.
9.   Booed up: What they label a ghost who is all stoked up for Halloween.
10. Beige Flag: What be Mr. Pop’s banner. 

 

 

“Sing” for SOCS If Only I Could Play Guitar, May 3, 2025

The bromeliads looked perfect in the Oriental lacquer cup in front of the guitar,

If Only I Could Play Guitar

At times when now I only hum,
I’d pull out my guitar and strum;
and by the time that I’d be done,
completing my last pluck and run,
perhaps whoever sees and hears
would be reduced to sobs and tears
by every perfect tone and note,
the sentiments that I emote,
and tender lyrics that they knew
because of course I wrote them, too.

But I would be so humble still,
(my hubris would be less than nil)
that when they laud me at the Grammys,
I’ll be home curled up in my jammies—
still unaffected by my fame,
astonished at my new acclaim!

And when Bob Dylan asks me if
I’d like to come and share a riff,
of course I will not turn him down.
In spite of all my new renown,
I’ll take the time to show him some
new ways I’ve found to pick and strum.

Mick Jagger would hang out with me
(and Leo Kottke, probably.)
We’d get together to sing and jam.
The whole world would know who I am!
My fame would spread to presidents
and queens and Knob Hill residents.
I’d be so busy that I fear
my writing would fall in arrears.
I might forget to feed my dog,
forsake my friends, neglect my blog.

So all things taken to account,
as negatives begin to mount,
and though I know that I’d go far
should I decide to play guitar,
I’ve penned a note unto myself,
“Put that guitar back on the shelf!!!”

For SOCS the prompt is “sing.”

Mind Twisters, For Fibbing Friday, May 2, 2025

For Fibbing Friday, the task at hand is:

1.  What is a Lover’s Knot? A menage a trois gone wrong.
2.  Where is the Milky Way? The Freeway after a collision between a milk truck and a semi carrying a load of candy bars. 
3.  What is a belly flop? The result of a failed diet.
4.  Why do they say ‘Break a leg’ before a performer goes on stage? Sour grapes.
5.  What is a goof ball? A football thrown or carried over the opponent’s goal line by mistake.
6.  What is two for his heels and one for his nob? (Remember: FAMILY FRIENDLY!!!!!) A pair of shoes and a matching hat.
7.  Why should every woman have a LBD? Because they are out of BLTs.
8.  What is an Updo? A face lift.
9.  What do pearl, silverskin and button have in common? Two types of onions and a type of mushroom..
10. Why does the rain in Spain stay mainly in the plain? Because it has a speech impediment.

Obsolete for MVB

Fast Change

This modern world has changed and changed
until I have become estranged.
These alterations make me dizzy.
I do not like my world so busy.

The young are used to change, it’s true.
They love the instant and the new.
Texts and sound bites come so fast.
Nothing’s really built to last.

But, for someone over fifty,
all this change is hardly nifty.
When at each end the candle’s burned,
when everything we’ve newly learned,

when everything that we hold dear
turns obsolete within one year,
we’re always slightly out of gear,
which makes us feel unjustly queer.

They make these changes without a clue.
Let’s start out minor, then work up to
the major things they’ve set askew:
(I will not mention Dr. Who.)

Every computer becomes its clone.
I cannot use the telephone.
My applications change so quick
that I have come to feel I’m thick.

Skype makes its changes overnight.
(Yet rarely ever improves the site.)
Microsoft Word just loves to change,
which leaves her users feeling strange.

Move this to there and that down here;
so all my mental powers, I fear,
are spent in figuring out the APP
and organizing a mental map

of how to write instead of what,
creating one big mental glut.
No room for creativity.
No safe place where our minds soar free.

We’re always “searching” for, instead,
our minds caught up in fear and dread
of where they’ve moved the enlarge bar to
in this week’s Word processing zoo!

Our e-mail servers have joined the plot.
I feel like pitching out the lot.
Just when I’ve learned most every trick
of tool and contact, every lick—

their Machiavellian, evil team
goes and changes the whole darn scheme!
But when we’re sending coast-to-coastal,
the alternative is going postal.

So though we bitch and though we frown,
they are the only game in town;
and so they have us where they want us.
Though they frustrate, ire and daunt us,

one after another, they are the same,
playing at this modern game
of change for change’s sake, it’s true.
There’s really nothing much to do.

So I submit, though in a tizzy,
I’ll relax less and keep real busy.
I’ll leave the cyber world alone
and concentrate on just one bone

I have to pick in this modern world,
and I say this with my top lip curled.
Max Factor, Revlon, Almay, please—
I kneel before you on my knees.

Leave the lipstick colors that we hold dear
alone! Don’t change them every year.
Each time you cancel one that’s zesty,
to find another makes us testy!!!

For My Vivid Blog, the prompt is “obsolete.”

Short Memory for MVB “Repeat” Apr 28, 2025

Short Memory

If I repeat what I just said,
I know I could go back to bed
instead of laboring to pen
what has not already been.

But I fear I can’t recall
past things that I have spoken at all.
So here’s a rhyme placed at your feet
that chances are, I won’t repeat!!!

The  prompt for My Vivid Blog today is Repeat

“Stopping by Friends” for SOCS Apr 26, 2025

DSC00274 DSC00271

Stopping by Friends Enroute to California

Whose house this is I surely know.
I’m sleeping on their sofa, though
And did not see that table there
And so I stubbed my little toe.

Their monstrous dog must think it queer
To find a stranger sleeping near
And yet no fuss he seems to make.
Golden retrievers are most dear.

He gives his collar tags a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
And wakens me from where I sleep–
A task that is a piece of cake.

The morning’s early, dark and deep,
But now I won’t return to sleep,
for I have schedules to keep
And miles to drive before more sleep.

I hope this parody  I wrote of “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” will qualify  For SOCS “Shake”prompt.

for Fibbing Friday, Apr 25, 2025

Image thanks to the NY Public Library

for Fibbing friday, the task at hand is:

  1. Who was buried in King Tut’s tomb? Christopher Robin, who was the one who uttered the phrase “Tut, tut, it might rain,” to cause Pooh to raise his umbrella to save himself from the bees. 
  2. Why did the Sphinx have a lion’s body and a human head? Because in the alternative choice,  the human body couldn’t support the lion’s head.
  3. What month of the year did the Nile River overflow its banks? Oct”Ober.”
  4. How many gods did the ancient Egyptians worship? Every one.
  5. How much makeup did Cleopatra wear? Enough to cover her eyes and face.
  6. How long was Nefertiti’s neck? Long enough to reach from her shoulders to her head.
  7. Why did the Egyptians walk so strangely? Their skirts were too tight. (See illustration above.)
  8. .How many pyramids did they build? Too many.
  9. What was Ramses II known for? Butting heads with the Nubians.
  10. What did the Egyptians do in Karnak? Watched the Johnny Carson show.