Category Archives: Humor

Killer Clowns and Other Threats

 

Killer Clowns and Other Threats

Robot ghosts from outer space
are in the sky, then in your face.
They sat behind you once in school,
thinking all the world they’d fool,
but recently they have been outed,
so although formerly I doubted
action adventure’s crazy plots
of giant creatures and evil bots,
recent events most grieveable
have made such things believable.

This orange devil we’ve elected
and all the buffoons he’s collected
make killer clowns from outer space
less scary than villains we face
day by day in our own world.
So let those forces be unfurled
to fight with him both tooth and bone
so he’ll leave our innocents alone!

Hope “springs” eternal, so I’m using this farcical response to the dVerse prompt this week, no matter how farfetched!!! The hats on the guys  in the UFO are supposed to read “Make Space Great Again,” but couldn’t get AI to cooperate. They came close, so have some of the ICE agents displaying their motto instead. Perhaps they have been in cahoots all along.

Silly Answers for Fibbing Friday

For Fibbing Friday, the assignment is: What do you make of these?

1. What is a skiff? A very poor ranking for a ski jump.
2. What is a liner? Art Linkletter’s half brother.
3. What is a ferry? The means by which a tiny mythical winged. creature is conveyed from shore to an island.
4. What is a destroyer? A puppy, up to the age of 1.
5. What is a cruiser? A party given for the employees of a cruise ship line.
6. What is a galleon? 4 quartes.
7. What is a pedlow? A trike for a very tiny child.
8. What is a kayak? A negative response to my middle name.
9. What is a schooner? A botched sneeze.
10. What is a coracle? The center part of a carbuncle.

A Culinary Confession for the Three Things Challenge.

A Culinary Confession

My kitchen is my “killer kit,” or so my husband thinks,
as warily he eyes his meal––main course, dessert and drinks.
He says he doesn’t blame me for my culinary lack,
because he didn’t marry me because I have the knack
to fry and broil and grill and roast
or even fail to burn the toast.
Yet I see him eye the knishes,
turkeys, pies and other dishes
served up by the other wives
who, wielding pans and spoons and knives
create dishes edible
as well as being bedable.
While I, though skillful in the sack,
their kitchen talents sadly lack.
So for years, we’ve had to make out
mainly on phone-in or take out!

Prompt words for the Three Things Challenge 375 are: killer, kit, kitchen. (Image created with help from AI)

“Breaking Her Diet” for Esther’s Writing Prompt

Breaking Her Diet

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Breaking Her Diet

I measure her cat food with care from the vat,
but she has such an aptitude, my little cat,
for flushing out lizards and others like that.
With delicate paw thrusts, she gives them a bat
’til they barely know where it is that they’re at,
then unleashes her claws for a more severe pat.

Be it lizard or bird or scorpion or rat,
she defeats it as though it were merely a gnat
and lays it out nicely on my front door mat:
one scorpion sting less or a feather for my hat,
then returns to the stool where she formerly sat,
licking her chops, and that’s why she’s so fat!!!

Esther’s Writing Prompt this week is “Break.” Nope, I’m not condoning such behavior…especially in regards to birds. Breaks my heart. The scorpions I can put up with, so long as she’s careful and doesn’t get stung.

Popsicle Etiquette

Popsicle Etiquette

Snap apart this summer sweetness and share it with a friend.
Or, before you finish, it will melt from end to end,
running down your hand and then half way up your arm,
and though you feel that arm-licking is part of summer’s charm,
the taste of cherry mixed with sunscreen resin isn’t fun,
as your rush to finish turns into a race against the sun.
So take your frosty passion and snap it into two
and ask a friend to partake of its lusciousness with you.
Then if you are lucky, your friend will buy one more,
break it apart and hand you half as you leave the store.

Word Prompts for The Sunday Whirl 749 are: taste summer sweetness snap rush half resin turn melts luck hand

For Fibbing Friday

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Photo made assisted by AI

For Fibbing Friday, this week our assignment is:

Music and song titles this week.
Who could have recorded these classics (doesn’t necessarily have to be a singer or even a real person)

1.  I want to know what love is? The Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz.
2.  Money, money, money. Donald Trump.
3.  Tea for Two. Samuel Adams and one of the Sons of Liberty during the Boston Tea Party.
4.  There’s a kind of hush. Sweet Charlotte 
5.  Take the Money and Run Bonnie and Clyde
6.  Time after Time. Elizabeth Taylor.
7.  Rock Around the Clock. Doris Day
8.  Windmills of my Mind. Donald Trump (Nightmares, actually.)
9.  Hang on Sloopy. A stunt pilot, to the stunt acrobat on the wing,.
10. It started with a kiss. Michael Corleone…or perhaps Fredo..in “The Godfather.”

More Friday Fibs

For Fibbing Friday the 13th, some of the word clues were difficult, to say the least, so be patient and sound them out with me, please!!!! (Illustration done by AI)

1.  What is a canopy? What you hand the lab assistant for your UTI test.
2.  What is a cookie? How the chef gets into the restaurant kitchen.
3.  What is a pup cup? A stinky chamber pot.
4.  What is a typhoon?  It is on a typed sheet of paper that requires correction.
5.  Why are nails sharp at one end? To enable them to scratch itches.
6.  What’s the difference between a chip and a fry? Both are beauty shop errors, but one is a faulty manicure and the other a faulty permanent.
7.  What is a shoe horn? A trumpet that signals a retreat during a battle.
8.  Why do spirit levels have bubbles? Because they are served with a carbonated mixer.
9.  Why do we have tea leaves but coffee grains? Because that’s the color mom wanted the eaves painted and because the housepainters spilled some of the brown paint from the walls onto the wheat plants in the window boxes. 
10. What is a diplomat? A judge at a diving competition.

 

Many Me’s

 

Many Me’s

If I should have to paint a picture of my present mood,
I’d be walking down a staircase, unfortunately nude—
My many selves preceding me and coming fast behind—
for there would be not one of me, but many of my kind.
This scene is a mere copy of Duchamp’s solution to
a person who perhaps has found she has too much to do.

My list of tasks is growing, though I’ve dealt with one or two;
but how I’ll deal with everything, I fear I have no clue.
And so I guess my canvas style would simply have to be
like Marcel’s (though not cubist, still with more than one of me.)
That way I’d send off each of me to do what must be done.
They’d do all my labor while I went to have some fun.

While self 1 wrote my daily prompt and self 2 cleaned my shelves,
I’d go out to the water park with all my other selves.
We’d climb up all the ladders and slide down all the slides
and play a game of tug-rope where I would be both sides!
We’d go out to the ice cream place and have a cone or three
and they’d get all the calories with none assigned to me!

We’d take my bad dogs for a walk and I would be so free.
Two other me’s would hold the leashes, not the actual me.
I’d loll here in my hot tub, swing in my hammock, too,
while selves from 1 to 9 would do all that I have to do.
They’d figure out my airfryer instructions (all in Spanish.)
They’d sort out all my photographs and clean my loo with Vanish.

Agreeable to every task, they’d never mention “can’t.”
They’ll pick off all the yellow leaves from every drying plant.
They’ll organize my studio that is a horrid mess.
(It’s been that way for many months—a fact I must confess.)
They’d sort out all my closets and organize my drawers,
then go into my Filofax and sort out all the bores.

They’d shape my canned goods into rows—sorted from “A” to “Z.”
which makes it difficult for them, but easier for me.
And though my other selves keep warm from their activity,
my idleness seems not to create any warmth for me.
So although I like my colors and my brush strokes strong and bold,
I wish I’d put some clothes on us, ‘cause I am getting cold!!

Esther’s Writing Prompt this week is: Mood. (Obviously, mine is a silly one.)

Fishing for Answers! for Fibbing Friday

Fishing with dad and my sisters, 1951 or ’52

For Fibbing Friday this week, the task at hand was:

Mish mash this week, so your suggestions please!

1. What is a cannery? An attitude readjustment retreat for pessimists.
2. What is a rookery? The part of a zoo with kangaroos in it.
3. What is hooky? A very small fish hook.
4. What is pinochle?  A fist held against private parts when you need to urinate so badly that you need help in not doing so.
5. What is a ricochet? A very small portion of rice.
6. What is hubbub? The primary bubble in the middle of a cluster of bubbles.
7. What is a podcast? A baited hook cast into the exact center of a group of fish.
8. What is a wingnut? An acrobat that performs on the outside of a plane while it is flying!!!!
9. What is a switchback? Someone who has had two sex-change operations.
10. What is a cacophony? A small child who pretends he hasn’t pooped his pants.

“Story Time at the Library,” for RDP

When I saw the prompt word was magnanimous,
I couldn’t resist repeating this old poem I wrote long ago:

Story Time at the Library

Cluster here around me. Cross Your legs. Open your mind.
I’m going to tell you stories of a slightly silly kind.

Or lie back on the carpet, close your eyes and try to see
all the varied images that are going to be.

We’ll be crossing to another land where we can be whatever
each of us may want to be: beautiful, brave or clever.

Light the bulbs above your head. Imagine what you hear.
For the next half hour, you’l be “there” not “here.”

In imagination’s magic land, all your dreams come true.
Climb aboard my story train and I’ll share it with you.

And now as then, the crowd, being both clever and magnanimous,
decided they’d all come along. The voting was unanimous.

And so the children climbed aboard to hear a tale or two—
precisely the same stories in the past I heard from you.

(For my first storytellers, Mom & Dad.)

The Prompt for RDP is Magnanimous