Category Archives: Humor

For Fibbing Friday, May 17, 2024

For Fibbing Friday the prompt questions are:

1. What did the fan say? Cool!

2. What really kicks off summer? Boot Camp.

3. Who rules the world? A Surveyor

4. What is the best thing to do to someone who snores? Get them their own room.

5. Who/what was your last unexpected house guest? Hurricane Sheila. Last house guest ever–expected or unexpected.

6. How does a blanket keep warm? It snuggles up to a warm body.

7. Why shouldn’t you snoop? Because ‘snot polite.

8. What is the worst thing that could happen to you? Nothing.

9. What do the gopher and mole do when they meet? Gopher supplies at the Mexican market and make molé.

10. What lurks in your backyard? Three dogs.

Bonus question
11. What is the best way to torture someone? Chuckle every time you see them.

For Fibbing Friday, May 10, 2024

For Fibbing Friday the theme is to define the below:

1.   Mini Clubman: A preteen golfer
2.   Morris Minor: A paraphrase of “More is less.”
3.   Range Rover: A mounted cowboy
4.   Hillman Imp: A mountain sprite
5.   Datsun Violet: What Violet’s husband said to her when she queried him regarding what the glare was as they took the bandages off after her surgery that gave her vision for the first time.
6.   Triumph Herald: A messenger carrying the news that there will be three umpires for the game.
7.   Austin Cambridge: A viaduct constructed from used tin automobile cams.
8.   Ford Capri : The tag of a Christmas present for Leonardo Decaprio that the dog got to first and chewed a corner off of.
9.   Alfa Romeo: Fifty percent of an entire Romeo.
10. Talbot Horizon: An illustration of a mountain created by Artificial Intelligence.

Feline Gamble/Renewing the Catfood for #Squares Renew

 

Feline Gamble

Stocked up on sustenance for my cats
and stowed it in a cupboard that’s
just outside my kitchen door.
(That’s what I built that cupboard for.)

The only problem seems to be
that closet lacks security,
but that is no problem, is it?
Unless cat burglars choose to visit!!

Go HERE for a kitty serenade.

 

For # Squares Renew

Baby Talk for Fibbing Friday for May 3, 2024

This week’s theme from Pensitivity is Out of the Mouths of Babes. You might be familiar with them, but if you didn’t know what they were, what are your thoughts?

1. What is a Moo Moo?  A greeting by Farmer Brown’s stuttering cow MayBell.
2. What is a Bow Wow? Robin Hood’s performance at the archery competition
3. What is a Gee Gee? Colette’s 1944 Novel, spelled by a non-French person.
4. What is a Botty Cough? The result of AI getting a cold. (That is as in Artificial Intelligence, not Jolson)
5. What is a Chookie Egg? Part of an Australian breakfast.
6. What is a Choo Choo?  A meal in the dining car of a train.
7. What is a Tick Tock? The language of a blood-sucking arachnid.
8. What is a Paw Paw? Your father’s hand.
9. What is a Heffalump?  A cow udder.
10. What are Jammies? Minor collections of broken up ice in a river.

“Hot as Blazes” for dVerse Poets, Apr 29, 2024

Hot as Blazes

I must say that I love gazing
at a fire brightly blazing.
Popping corn or making s’mores,
a well-laid fire never bores!
And when the embers fade to dust
from a fire over-fussed,
then we’ll shuffle off to bed,
toasty warm and aptly fed!

 

 

For dVerse Poets the prompt word is “Blaze”

An Elegy to the Ravelled Sleeve for NaPoWriMo 2024, Day 29

The prompt for NaPoWriMo was to write a poem making use of one of ten words from Taylor Swift lyrics. Once again given to excess, I’ve written a poem making use of them all.  Here are the words: Cardigan, elegy, Mercurial, antithetical, albatross, self-effacing, altruism, incandescent, Machiavellian, clandestine.


An Elegy to The Ravelled Sleeve

Here’s an elegy from this bard again,
to my worn-out cardigan.
It’s challenged in its warp and weave,
unravelling about the sleeve,
and yet I wear it, nearly neckless,

causing folks to call me feckless.
I persist in my rebellion,
feeling slightly Machiavellian.
The opposite of narcissism
is my act of altruism
as I decide that it is better
to donate money for a sweater
to my local homeless shelter
so someone lacking clothes that swelter
can thereby don and thus bedeck
an albatross around their neck!
Self-effacing to the end,
perhaps I’ll start another trend
by donning daily my sweater’s dregs
instead of slit-pants on my legs.
Antithetical to current fashion,
clandestine in my garment passion,
Mercurial and incandescent,
my  mood purely effervescent,
I’ll stride down the street with glee,
my favorite sweater surrounding me!

(My apologies to Mr. Shakespeare!  )

Showing Up Late for Happy Hour at the Corner Cantina, For SOCS Apr 27, 2024

Showing Up Late for Happy Hour at the Corner Cantina

Showing Up Late for Happy Hour at the Corner Cantina

I’m late because of accidents and countless little slips
like toothpaste down my shirt front, hair caught in my zips
and a seat belt that was caught and wouldn’t span my hips.

So bring out all your arsenal—your bludgeons and your whips.
I deserve your censure, your curses and your yips.
Perhaps it is my fault that you’re in tequila’s grips!

By looking at the tablecloth and counting all the drips,
It seems that all the salsa’s not contacting your lips,
and all your margaritas aren’t winding up as sips.

I’m making the assumption you might need more chips,
and more salsa fresca and guacamole dips,
which means our busy waiter must make some extra trips.

He doesn’t seem amused by all your clever quips
which increase with the frequency of your little nips,
so I’m hoping the aforementioned will earn him larger tips!

For SOCS: The prompt word is “Show”

For Fibbing Friday. Apr 26, 2024

For Fibbing Friday, today’s enticements are:

1. Who do you associate with ‘green fingers’? The Jolly Green Giant, of course.
2. Who or what was the Red Baron? The Scarlet Pimpernel’s exercise trapeze.
3. What was the significance of yellow ribbons around oak trees? So they could tell the girl trees from the boy trees when trimming out the hedgerows and thus guarantee the next year’s acorn harvesting.
4. Why did Alice follow the White Rabbit? Because she was next in line.
5. Who was The Black Knight?  Balthazar, earlier in his career.
6. What is a Blue Moon? A crude gesture by the guy who sat in the blueberry pie during the picnic.
7. Do brown cows produce coloured milk? Nope, but they are definitely British or Canadian.
8. Why was the Pink Panther pink? Embarrassment.
9. Why are pandas black and white? Mixed panda marriages.
10. What is a Silver Shadow? The effect of sunlight on one of grandma’s best forks borrowed by her grandkids and left sticking up vertically in the sand pile.

Judy’s Advice on Preparations for the Afterlife

Judy’s Advice on Preparations for the Afterlife
(For Jim)

Do you get a discount
or will there be none
when your time on Earth
will finally be done?

Whether it is better
to be raw or roasted well
depends on where you’re going.
Is it Heaven or to Hell?

 

I received this request for a poem from Jim Anshutz:

Some of my thoughts on cremation. 1. I will ask if they give senior discounts.. 2. I will also inform them that I sit out in the sun each day and get quite sunburnt. My question is, “do I get a discount for being pre-cooked? You can take it from here, Jude. Please make this a very humorous piece of poetry. Hit it, Jude🔥🔥🔥

 

 

For NaPoWriMo 2024, Day 23

The NaPoWriMo prompt was to create a new Superhero. This is my response.

No Can Do

Who needs another superhero? Aren’t there enough? 
Thinking up another one is going to be rough.
Of Doctors, Bats and Green ones, it seems we’ve had our fill,
and Possum Girl or Rat Boy doesn’t seem to fill the bill.
All heroic adjectives have already been used.
“Incredible” and “Super” I fear have been abused.
So what’s a gal to do when asked to make a new one?
I think that I must answer, it’s impossible to do one!!

Just for the record, I actually did create a superhero poem a few years ago for NaPoWriMo. If you’d like to check it out, HERE is a link.

This is an alphabetically ordered list of superheroes from  Encyclopaedia Britannica and DC Comics:

 

For NaPoWriMo Superhero prompt Image is a Marvel Stock image