Category Archives: Humor

For Fibbing Friday, Mar 29, 2024

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For Fibbing Friday this week’s probing questions are:

This week we have questions that just popped into my head for your perusal please.

1.   Why are Easter Eggs made of chocolate? Because no one ever ate the original ones the Easter Bunny brought that were made out of carrots.
2.   What is a fib? A small protective garment created especially for prevaricators to wear around their necks in spaghetti restaurants.
3.   Where will you find a cog? Exactly where you dropped it.
4.   What is a preface? Your countenance before plastic surgery.
5.   Can an elephant make a trunk call? Not when they have a cold.
6.   What is a trinket? Just a tiny little sip in Germany. “Instead of a regular-sized trink, I’d prefer just a trinket.”
7.   What is hearsay? The opposite of what they are saying over there.
8.   How many shades of grey are there? None. They took down all the old shades and replaced them with new turquoise venetian blinds.
9.   What is a bunion? A bread roll flavored with fresh scallions.
10. What is ylang ylang? It is the Ying Yang of someone with a new tongue stud.

Hot Tomatoes!!! for RDP

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Hot Tomatoes!!!

Cut them, slice them,
Chop then, dice them.
No matter that tomato’s fate,
alas, I must admit I hate
to put my teeth in it at all.
I just can’t stand that juicy ball!

But, sauce and squeeze it,
pasta, cheese it?
I’m tomato’s biggest fan.
And ketchup? Man o man o man!

On fries or burgers, it’s the best.
Can’t get enough of its red zest.
Which goes to prove, whate’er the cost,
tomatoes just taste better squashed.

For RDP:Tomatoes

Fibbing Friday for Mar 22, 2024

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For Fibbing Friday the prompts are:

1. Abomasum: An indigenous Australian mom’s expression of disapproval. 
2. Absquatulate:  Taking up arm and leg exercise at such an advanced age that it does no good.
3. Amphisbaena: Hispanic frogs.
4. Antimacassar: A Russian ruler opposed to talking birds. 
5. Atingle: That sensation felt after a kiss.
6. Bailiwick: If the candle gets out of hand, take the water bucket and douse it!
7. Bafflegab: Unintelligible gossip.
8.. Calliope:  What ye should do if Andy Griffith falls ill. 
9. Cornucopia: Having to put up with painful swellings on the toes and heels.
10. Cryptozoology : Exotic animals purchased with bitcoin.

Overheard for MVB, Mar 15, 2024

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Overheard in the Home for Retired Musicians

Though I’m stymied by your crepitus, your embouchure’s divine.
If you don’t have your own tune, would you harmonize with mine?
Your tonality is breathtaking, your rhythm right on beat.
Your syncopation’s perfect. I fear I can’t compete.
As we play, our joints keep time. My knees snap, crackle, pop.
If our music were to lead to love, you’d have to be on top!

For MVB: Heard

For Fibbing Friday, Mar 15, 2024

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Look closely. Yes, that is me with a python around my neck, circa 1973.
Alas, not in Africa as in question #3, but in Sri Lanka! That is not its head in my mouth,
but rather the snake-charmer’s musical pipe. The snake’s head is coiled around it,
its body hanging around my neck. Hard to see as we are dressed similarly.

For Fibbing Friday the challenges are:

1. What is a juggernaut?  Everything except a jugger.
2. What is an HGV?  An Home and Garden Magazine placed face-down on the table.
3. What is an off roader?  An African Snake.
4. What is a 4 X 4? A double double-date.
5. What is a turbine? A crossroads in a city area.
6. Where will you find an octave? In an aquarium. It is the anatomical spot where one arm meets another on an octopus. 
7. What is a dovetail joint? Well, obviously, it’s the spot where a dove’s tail joins with its body!!! Also, a place where doves hang out for a bit of refreshment after flying around all day.
8. What is a messerschmitt? Oh, it is one of the Schmitt boys confessing to the headmaster who is asking who drew the rude picture of the teacher on the blackboard. (Me, Sir–Schmitt!)
9. What is a tangerine? A Gerine that has been working out in the sun all summer. 
10. What is a mattock?  On a timekeeper’s watch, the sound that occurs right after a tick during a wrestling match as he times the seconds an opponent’s shoulders have been pinned to the mat.

Lost and Found

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Determined not to ask one more time for Yolanda to find something for me, I combed the house for my driving glasses for at least 5 minutes.  Finally, I asked her to please be on the lookout for them, at which point, she pointed to my head! (The glasses attached to my nose and ears are my reading glasses.)

 

“Off Notes” For Fibbing Friday, Mar 8, 2024

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My sister Betty started a family tradition by playing a saxophone later handed down to my sister Patti, then me, then my niece Cintra!!  It must now be at least 75 years old. I wonder where it is now!  I dedicate this piece to Patti and Cintra, who are together now in Arizona.

For Fibbing Friday, the challenge is a supposed musical interlude:

1. What is a French horn?  A former Parisian lady of the night who went to school and became a nurse.  (French ho RN) I came back and read this a week later and couldn’t figure it out, either, so thought I’d give a clue.)

2. What is a cornet? A very small callus on a toe caused by too much time spent in the marching band.

3. What is a clarinet?   ‘S  a  cream pastry with chocolate frosting served in a small mesh  takeout bag.

4. What is a snare drum?  ‘S an Eardrum pronounced in a southern accent.

5. What is a viola?  An unpleasant one night stand.

6. What is a double bass?  A set of conjoined fish.

7. What is the difference between a Concert, Upright or Grand? The first is a musical presentation. The second is a musical position and the third a musical pretension.

8. What is campanology?  An impossibility, because there is really nothing to compare to the truly flamboyant!! 

9. What is a trombone? It is what the llp bone is connected to.

10. What is timpani? A type of drum made out of a tin frying pan.

Doggie Wisdom

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(Passed on to me by a friend.  Thanks, Joan!)

“Stop Over”For The Sunday Whirl Wordle # 644, March 3, 2024

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jdb photo

Stop Over

Near sunset as the bright light fades, both minds and sky grow hazy,
and all the world shifts down a gear, relaxing into lazy.
Just one urgent swirling bee seems bent upon its tasking.
She lunges downward towards my drink, and lands there without asking.

She lowers her proboscis in order to withdraw
one drop of rum and cola that lies beaded on my straw.
A screaming gull unnerves her—sets her angel wings unfurling,
but her  frenzied efforts to lift off have set my mind to swirling.

Her movements are ungainly. She leans as though to fall.
Then clumsily, she flies away, colliding with the wall.
I question if she’s sober as she flies off upside down,
digressing over water, then careening toward the town.

It’s probable this summer day under a July sun
has fermented all her nectar and added to her fun.
Her slight detour while flying off to her abode
No doubt was her attempt to have just one more for the road!**

     **Can Bees Get Drunk?  In the summer heat, nectar can begin to ferment and create ethanol. Bees that digest this fermented nectar will experience the same effects as humans do when they consume alcohol. Also, tree sap, like that of the lime tree, can also ferment under excessive heat leading to crowds of drunk bees.        How can you tell when a bee is drunk? Studies conducted on bees have shown that alcohol consumption has a similar affect on bees as it does on humans.        When a drunken bee returns to its hive, the guard bees around the hive will identify it by its erratic motion and will not allow it to enter.

Couldn’t Resist: Daily Funny

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