Category Archives: Humor

Out on a Ledge (A Mountainous Misadventure)–For Wordle 622, Oct 1, 2023

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Out on a Ledge
(A Mountainous Misadventure)

You’ve provoked me out upon this ledge
and forced me to survey the edge,
but I’m the biggest coward of all,
fast-forwarding to view the fall!

My eyes scroll over far below
the distance that I’d have to go
if I were to tip myself
off this narrow mountainous shelf.

That edge looks crumbly to me,
and instills in me a need to pee.
The sun’s rays swell into a fire,
that well may be my funeral pyre.

My buzzing brain shows lack of trust.
A throbbing heart dictates I must
be off to flee this place I hate.
I just remembered a previous date!

Get me out of here real fast,
or this date will be our last.
When you said we should get high,
I didn’t know you meant the sky!!!

 

I keep telling myself I’m going to stop doing these, but they are irresistible.  The words for The Sunday Whirl Wordle this week are: provoke ledge eyes rays scroll need throbbing buzz fire hate trust fall

Popcorn Mystery

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I’m trying to eat popcorn out of a tall blue soup bowl. I can see a hair sticking up from the popcorn, but no matter how I try, I cannot pick it out of the popcorn. I know I am reaching for the right place, but when I finish, I am empty-fingered and the hair is still there.

It is not until the third try that I realize the hair is just a reflection in the shiny smooth ceramic of the inside of the bowl!!!

“Flip Fibs” for Fibbing Friday Sept 29, 2023

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We all have bad hair days, right? These are hairstyles as well as common words we may be familiar with.

1. Wedge — What I’ll prolly do ef ya ask me. 

2. Mohican–What Mo’s prolly doin’ if he’s been drinkin’ moonshine.

3. French Plait–What George Washington called his new imported teeth. 

4. Pageboy–What Tarzan couldn’t do

5. Bouffant–A Halloween hairdo

6. Pixie–A Photographer’s groupie.

7. Bob–Abbreviation for “Boy oh boy!!!” 

8. Crew Cut–What happens in the kitchen on a boat during meal preparation during stormy weather.

9. Buzz cut–A lumberjack’s favorite hair style.

10. Bunches–Tiny sandwich rolls for tea party fare.

 

Comments: My sister thinks I’m a bit obscure on # 1 and #8, so if you agree, here is some help.

#1. If you propose to me, I’ll wed ja!  (a y is pronounced like a j in my part of Mexico!). Yes. Very obscure. Sorry, Patti and all.

#8.  My fault. I left out part of the sentence.  It should read: Crew cut–what happens in the kitchen on a boat during stormy weather..(.i.e. the boat lurches and the kitchen crew slices their fingers instead of the veggies.)

 

For Fibbing Friday Sept 29, 2023

Cold-Hearted, Short Little Prompt Poem

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 I woke up to this prompt from Forgottenman:
No friggin’ idea why, but I just conjured up a three-word prompt: anvil, fluffy,                        sediment. Do with them as you will or not. (Yeah, I needa head to bed.)
I’ve said before that I am game for any challenge, so here goes:

Cold-Hearted
You’re fluffy as an anvil, as sweet as cod liver pie.
The sediment from the hearts you’ve broken piles up so high
that you can’t be seen behind it, so there you sit, alone.
reflecting on the shattered loves for which you must atone.

Image by Kasia Darenda on Unsplash. And this poem, although written in the second person, is not directed at the prompter. 

 

 

Cat Blanket

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The Cat Blanket
“If Mom’s gonna spread out, we may as well do so, too.”
(Click on photos to enlarge.)

And how many cats here?
How many cats in this Photo?

The kitties were all girlcatting it around outside when I lay down on the sofa, but when I woke up after a 3-hour unplanned nap, they were covering about all of me. I had been listening to a book on my Kindle when I fell asleep, but I suddenly realized it had a camera on it, so then and there, I learned how to use my Kindle to take these photos and how to send them to my computer, all while lying under a cozy cat blanket! I love it that I’m just the bottom cat in the pile.

For The Carrot Ranch’s 99-Word Story prompt

Crass Definitions for Fibbing Friday Sept 22, 2023

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Here is Pensitivity’s task for us this Friday:
You may or not remember these popular movies, be they the originals or remakes, but what do you think they could have been about?

1. The Parent Trap: How my parents might have felt after the birth of their third child
2. The Incredible Journey: That first trip all on your own as a toddler when you slipped out of the bathtub when Mom’s back was turned and ran down the block to your Aunt Mabel’s house at the other end of the block stark naked! (True story)
3. Aladdin: A euphemistic description of a girl’s first sexual encounter.
4. Mission Impossible: The first time you had to parallel park for a driving test.
5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: What your next door neighbor shouted over the back fence the day the you scrambled to retrieve the pages of your manuscript the wind had ripped out of your fingers and blown away. 
6. The Wind in the Willows: When you slip out of the dinner party into the garden to fart. (Sorry for the indelicacy. I know no euphemism.)
7. Underworld: The real you under the girdle, the waist cincher or in the modern world, beneath the Spanx.
8. Legally Blonde: The results after you actually buy your hair coloring in the drug store instead of shoplifting it
9. The Terminator: Papa, when he flips the  front porch lights off and on at ten o’clock during date night’s goodnight kiss
10. The Love Bug:  Crabs

For Pensitivity’s Fibbing Friday

Feeling Owly

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Feeling Owly
(But Owl Be Okay)

When I’m feeling owly and in no mood to talk,
better that you leave me and take a little walk.

Cuz when I’m feeling owly, I don’t like being rushed.
Owly just increases when a girl is feeling crushed.

So leave me to be whooo I am and go be whooo you are.
Leave me in my owly funk and jump into your car

and be off on your business, out in the world’s wild hum.
When I’m in a mood like this, feeling sorta glum,

it’s best to leave me all alone, feeling my mood’s crunch.
Once in a while I feel the need to join the owly bunch!

 

This silly poem actually took me 4 minutes to write. I used the other two minutes to edit and format. Ended in exactly 6 minutes!!! No piece of great literature, but it fulfilled the prompt.

For Stine’s Six Minute Challenge: Write for six minutes about the photo provided above. 

Grandma’s Birthday Confessions (For Sunday Whirl Wordle 620)

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This might have been a better choice for Grandma’s Birthday Cake.

Grandma’s Birthday Confessions

A trick of fate has caused my skin to rumple, thin and bruise.
My limbs are merely spindles and my breasts simply refuse
to remain in their stations!  My locks once shiny gold
have dimmed to dullest silver, thus making me look old!
Of late, I find the edges of things have grown less clear.
I bump myself on door frames and on table tops. I fear
I may have a slight problem with my peripheral vision
which upon occasion has created much derision
on the part of youngsters, whose laughter, I suppose
has something to do with the lipstick on my nose.
And if you wonder why my bangs are so oddly fringed,
please don’t blame my hair stylist. I fear that they were singed
when I tried to blow the candles out on my birthday cake.
Who knew they’d use one candle for each year, for heaven’s sake?

The words for Sunday Whirl Wordle 620 were: late edge spindle skin rumple  fate trick slight singe dim limb

The Lost Blogger Attempts Fibbing Friday, Sept. 15, 2023

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1. Have a break :  What one sumo wrestler said to another before jumping, full weight, on his leg.
2. You’re never alone with a strand : What the keeper said to the Hawaiian lady wearing a lei as he advised her to take it off before she entered the apiary.
3. Snap! Crackle! Pop! The answer the sumo wrestler’s body made to the statement of the sumo wrestler in line 1.
4. The Ultimate Driving Machine:  What other golfers call  Jack Nicklaus.
5. Don’t leave home without it:  The front door key.
6. Have it your way. The final retort of the loser in a marital disagreement
7. Good to the last drop:  Slogan inscribed on the side of a nuclear bomb.
8. Hello Moto: What the one-year-old birthday boy said as he opened his first Hot Wheel gift.
9. Taste the rainbow. What the rain says to the earth just as the sun comes out as it is departing.
10. Because you’re worth it. My reassurance uttered mentally to my conscience each time I buy a new piece of art knowing I have no place left to hang it!

 

For Fibbing Friday Sept. 15, 2023

Cheesecake: for the Three Things Challenge, Sept 10, 2023

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Cheesecake

When we choose to display ourselves
on runways, beaches, screens or shelves,
we should be careful that we don’t show
more than we want the world to know.

 

For Three Things Challenge the three words are: DISPLAY SHOW SHELVED
photo borrowed from the Internet.