Category Archives: Humor

Crazy Socks

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Sock

Click on these gaudy socks to see them in more glorious detail!!!!!

Crazy Socks

Don’t feel that you must explain
a choice in socks that seems inane.
Sunflowers or checks or plaid
or other patterns in which you gad
should be nobody’s choice but yours.
Black socks are gloomy. White socks bores.
If you would please from top to toe,
choose the socks that make you glow.

Sox that glitter, clash or shock
better propel you ’round the block.
Those who balance on fashion’s fence
may well question your fashion sense
if you wear socks with chickens on them.
But go ahead and buy and don them.
You’ll start the day in mood more spritely
if you dress your feet more brightly!!!

 

 

For the Wednesday Prompts Weekly Challenge: Socks

South Dakota….Through the Eyes of Jeff Foxworthy and Seconded by Me!!!

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Click on image to enlarge.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in South Dakota. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t even work there, you may live in South Dakota. If you’ve worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in South Dakota. If you’ve had a lengthy telephone convers……ation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in South Dakota. If “vacation” means going to Sioux Falls for the weekend, you may live in South Dakota. If you measure distance in hours, you may live in South Dakota. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in South Dakota. If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day and back again, you may live in South Dakota. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in South Dakota. If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked, you may live in South Dakota. If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in South Dakota. If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in South Dakota. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in South Dakota. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in South Dakota. If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in South Dakota. If you find 10 degrees “a little chilly”, you may live in South Dakota. If you know how to pronounce Ipswich, Belle Fourche and Pierre you might be South Dakota. If you actually understand these jokes, repost this so all of your South Dakota friends and others can see…. Too true! LOL

 And, you might think you pronounced Pierre correctly, but unless you rhymed it with beer, you were wrong.

Thanks to my friend Jim Anshutz for sending this to me, and thanks to Cherie Ramsdell for sending it to Jim!!!

It is only coincidence that my new book on growing up in South Dakota will soon be available on Amazon. I’ll let you know when.  It’s titled The China Bulldog and Other Tales of a Small Town Girl.

Image by Alex Person on Unsplash.

Little Duck (for 99 Word Story)

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Little Duck can’t believe it any more than I can.  Out of eight socks taken out of the dryer, six of them are mismatched—which means each of them matches none of the others! You may think some look like they match, but none of them remotely do. If they are the same length, one is heavy and the other see-through. I cannot figure it out as I have even purchased two new pairs of black socks since I left Mexico. Mismatched socks are a Bummer!!! We may have to go buy me some new ones to console ourselves.

 

I think I’m too late to submit to this 99-word challenge, but here are some other Duckie stories from folks who discovered the challenge on time: https://carrotranch.com/blog/

 

 

Food Fight and Flight for Wordle 614

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Food Fight and Resultant Flight

I dabbed the food flecks off of my face
and skittered at a quickening pace,
my tattered hem dragged from the grasp
of my tormenter’s cruel clasp.

Chattering teeth betrayed that place
where I had ended flight and pace
to squeeze my frame into a nook
where my pursuer would never look.

But, trapped within the prison I chose,
I felt the world around me close.
So, squinting out between the slats,
I spied the confirmation that’s

evidence of that scalding truth
that drove me from seclusion’s booth.
Freedom’s worth more than former wishes
to avoid doing the dishes!!

 

Prompts for The Sunday Swirl Wordle 614 are: tattered chattering drag dabbed face hem trapped frame squinted cruel flecks skittered scalded

 

 

Calamity’s Knell (For Wordle 610)

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Calamity’s Knell

As the final school bell rang,
the riddle of that tiny bang,
the whimper as I shut the door,
made me wonder all the more
what had happened as I ran
to try to beat the truant man.

He clenched his jaw and cleared his throat,
I knew that I had got his goat
as I reached the child-sized split
‘tween frame and door and barely fit
to squeeze myself into the school,
thereby proving students rule!

By rights, he couldn’t count me late
so long as I had made the gate.
Peace reigned, then, for all afternoon,
but soon I’d sing a different tune
as I got home to see our mutts
had dined on all the cashew nuts
my aunt brought home from her vacation
for my family’s mastication.

Miserably, I confessed
I bumped the table and made the mess
as I rushed off to school blind
to the spilled nuts I’d left behind.
Such chaos comes from tardy fools
who live adjacent to their schools
and wrongly think that they excel
at winning races with the bell!

 

For The Sunday Whirl Wordle 610  the word prompts are: miserably nuts peace rights blind jaw throat tiny bang whimper fit riddle

Delayed Warning

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Delayed Warning

A bout of indigestion can make a guy a grouch
and leave him prone to lying grumbling on the couch
while his wife stands listening, chuckling in the hall,
remembering how she had warned him not to eat it all.
Yet he had ingested it, as usual, in a hurry
before she could warn him that he was eating curry!

 

For the Three Things Challenge the words are: CHUCKLE GROUCH INDIGESTION
Image by towfiqu-barbhuiya- on Unsplash

No Stone Unturned: Three Things Challenge

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No Stone Unturned

Turning over stones can be overly unpleasant
due to all the denizens likely to be present.
Yet I profess it’s cowardly to just let them lie,
I’m sure you’ll prove your manliness and flip them by and by!

For Pensitivity’s Three Things Challenge, the words are: STONE UNPLEASANT COWARDLY.

“Full-length Mirror” for dVerse Poets

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Full-length Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
I’m addicted to y’all.
I can’t resist casting an eye
at my reflection passing by.
I’m so enamored of my face,
I cannot keep up my pace.
I must stop so I can see
the spectacular whole of me!

 

 

For the dVerse Poets Quadrille prompt: Mirror

Ineligible

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Ineligible

Your temper is an irritation
leading to much perturbation.
Solving every little trifle
with your fists or with a rifle,
in short, makes it debatable
whether you are dateable.
I fear your image has gone to pot
and eligible? You are not!

 

For Pensivity’s Three Things Challenge the words are: IRRITATION, TRIFLE and IMAGE

Roadmap, for dVerse Poets Pub

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Roadmap

I’m held captive by your wrinkles, dear, enraptured by your ripples.
I love your freckles and your moles and all of nature’s stipples.
They are sacred landmarks. When I find one that is new,
I must give thanks to nature for adding more of you.

Sometimes with the darkness around us rich and deep,
my mind goes on a walkabout as you lie asleep.
The roadmap of your body is the terrain that I pace—
the ravines and the gullies and your face’s fragile lace.

Some bemoan the changes that nature brings about,
and they bring a different beauty. It’s true, without a doubt.
But as I trace each special feature of your body and your face,
I’m reassured that nature’s carving instills a deeper grace.

For dVerse Poets Pub, the prompt was to write a quadrille about maps. This is definitely not a quadrille. It is a poem from my just-published adult coloring book: When Old Dames Get Together . Available on Amazon.