Category Archives: Humor

Canine Church

Canine Church

Two dogs to my right and one dog o’er my head
As I lie on the edge of my doggie-filled bed.
Now one moves to my legs to anchor me down,
fearing my desertion for kitchen or town,
banishing canines to cushions or yard––
beds they find  chilly and lonely and hard.

Better this bed warmed by blanket and sheet
and a mattress pad heater to thaw out their feet.
A mom they can cuddle or lie on, or heck––
tunnel into her armpit or under her neck.
These Sunday mornings, they insist that Judy’s
meditations with dogs are her spiritual duties.

Fibbing Friday

For Fibbing Friday, the task at hand is:
1. Who were Lennon and McCartney? A Russian Revolutionary and a man in a wheelchair
3. Who were Tom and Jerry? A fictional boy the size of a thumb and Dean Martin’s partner
4. Who were Dumb and Dumber? Dumbo’s twin sons
5. Who were Little and Large? Tinker Bell and Peter Pan
6. Who were Hinge and Bracket? Two singers in The Doors 
7. Who were Rodgers and Hammerstein? A cowboy singer/actor of the fifties and sixties and someone demanding another beer
8. Who were Laurel and Hardy? Olympic gold medal winners
9. Who were Calvin and Hobbes? A non-diet merlot and favorite activities one does in one’s spare time
10. Who were Barbie and Ken? A cowgirl famous for her fence-stringing skills and her family

Alluring, for RDP

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An Aging Siren’s Lament

I once was alluring, bewitching and busty,
but now I’m decrepit, doddering and fusty,
making mountains of molehills and blocks out of chips
and adding them onto my thighs, calves and hips.

As I fall apart, I become more voluminous,
my eyes less dewy, my skin much less luminous.
I’m developing poorly, my aging less fine
than mellow old cheeses and whiskies and wine.

As my memory fades and becomes much less credible,
I’m less appealing and for sure less beddable.
I’m held together by trusses and braces,
Spanx and Ace bandages, spandex and laces.

Someone should just shoot me. (Botox, not a gun.)
I’d be more beguiling and have much more fun.
But diets are tedious. Shots must be painful.
Of all of these cures, I’m purely disdainful.

I guess I’ll age gracefully, sip from its cup
greedily, admitting I’m giving up.
I’ll simply sit here inert on my fanny
and trade in the title of sexpot for granny!

The RDP prompt today is “Alluring.”

The Red High Heels, For Writing Prompts, Jan 14, 2026

The Red High Heels

When I saw them in the store,
one half classy and one half whore,
the Crocs I had on seemed a bore.
Those heels were strappy, cut low, red.
I knew those heels would knock men dead.

As I left the store in them,
I was feeling oh so femme
until one shoe caught on my hem.
‘Twas then that I went tumbling down,
wrenched my ankle and tore my gown.

This fall was just a quirk, I thought,
with no regrets for what I’d bought,
for I was feeling oh so hot
that men would surely all be gawking.
I’d be more careful with my walking.

In Mexico, young girls or crones
go tripping over cobblestones
with no risk to their ankle bones.
Moving with sure-footed grace,
they never fall upon their face.

They chat as they cross streets together
even in inclement weather––
Their four-inch heels of strappy leather
negotiate each slippery rock,
barely noticing where they walk.

So I just got up from the floor
and sauntered once more towards the door
onto the street outside the store.
Where, once I got into the swing
I knew those shoes were just the thing.

My car was just one block away
but it was such a lovely day,
I thought that I would just sashay
up to the plaza for lunch and booze––
a trial run for my new shoes!

I belted up my dress a bit
so I would not trip over it.
Once more I felt sexy and fit
as I accomplished no small feat
negotiating each walk and street.

I must admit that I felt hobbled
as I walked over roadways cobbled.
Perhaps I grimaced, winced and wobbled.
But at the time, I was enthused––
thinking only of my new shoes.

When I reached the plaza and I walked by
a table of men, I felt each eye
peruse my legs from toe to thigh.
I knew that those new shoes were why
I held the gaze of every guy.

Maneuvering towards an empty table,
I walked as well as I was able,
but overlooked just one small cable
as I glanced over for their reaction.
That’s how I ended up in traction!

 

 

For Writing Prompts, the prompt is “Red.” Image by Kira Severinova on Unsplash

“Bride’s First Meal” for JustJoJan#26 “Rubbish”

Bride’s First Meal

It was a layered casserole of maize and squash and beans
whose contents were indigenous and well within her means.
She blanched and drained and layered in a glass loaf pan.
She followed all directions and plotted out each plan.

Dabbing on her favorite essence, she donned his favorite dress.
With the front door open, she didn’t have to guess
when he was walking up the lane and so she would be able
to greet him with a soulful kiss and dinner on the table.

But, her first endeavor she’d hoped would be delicious,
in fact was not ambrosial, but instead pernicious.
It seemed as though the entire dish might be having troubles
as it rose above its boundaries with ominous pops and bubbles.

In short,

These were the things that went amiss
after his entrance and their kiss.
She rued the day that dish was born.
The squash was tough, as was the corn.

Instead they went to Burger King
and ordered one of everything,
came on home and gorged on it,
so their first meal was quite a hit.

She pitched her failed attempt within
a nearby waiting rubbish bin.
She was smart and so good looking.
He didn’t wed her for her cooking.

For JustJoJan#26 the prompt is “rubbish.”

“Sugar, Sugar” for Just Jot it Chewy Prompt, Jan 12, 2026

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Sugar, Sugar––You and Me

Hey, Sugar Sugar, you’re the one for me.
I enjoy each calorie.
Smooth or frozen with chocolate on top,
washed down with a glass of pop.
Pile on the sprinkles and roll in nuts.
You’re the best, no ands or buts.
My little Sugar is smooth and dreamy.
My little Sugar chewy, creamy.

Shortbread, brownies, chocolate chip––
in my coffee, I like to dip.
But cheesecake, pie––other forms of sin––
I put on the table and dive right in.
Swim to the middle with my teeth,
see what there can be beneath
the icing or cream or chocolate sauce.
When dessert arrives, Sugar’s the boss.

Hey Sugar, Sugar, you’re the one
in snow or rain or blistering sun.
I don’t care if you’re hot or cold.
Baked Alaska is great, I’m told,
but I also like a big old cone
just piled with ice cream, all alone.
Don’t touch my Sugar, don’t you dare!!!
When it comes to Sugar, I don’t share!!!

The prompt for Linda’s Just Jot it, Jan 12, is “Chewy.”

“Poached Eggs and Other Verbal Sins,” For Fibbing Friday, Jan 9, 2026

For Fibbing Friday, the task at hand is:

1. What’s the difference between a bow and a curtsey? A “curt”sey is shorter.
2. What’s the difference between a bison and a basin? An a and an o.
3. What’s the difference between a pocket and a pouch? Wear one, carry the other.
4. How do you poach an egg? By removing it surreptitiously while both the hen and the hen’s owner are distracted.
5. What is smog? A tiny portion of og.
6. What is triage? Three years old or thirty years old.
7. What is a tripod? A vacation in a strange place.
8. How many legs does an octogenarian have? Same number as a septuagenarian, but they are less usable.
9. What is a buzz cut? A break in conversation.
10. What’s the difference between a baggie and a bagel? One carries edibles and the other is edible.

Fibbing New Year!

Jill & Jan, 11-inch Predecessors to Barbie dolls!!!

First fibs of the new year.

1. What is a clog? A roll of hundred dollar bills.
2. What is a flip flop? A pancake in process that winds up on the floor or ceiling.
3. What is a slipper? A sinuous kiss.
4. What is a sneaker? A philandering husband.
5. What is a geta? A procurer.
6. What is a babouche? The process of childbirth.
7. What is a zori? An eye that has been punched in a fight.
8. What is a mule? A good Xmas season.
9. What is a jandal? An 11-inch Volgue doll––predecessor to Barbie!
10. What is a pantofle? A pair of bell-bottoms.

It’s Boxing Day AND Fibbing Friday!

 

It’s Boxing Day, and the questions this week are a mixed bag of whimsy and anything else!

1. Why is there a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree? Angels are on strike.
2. Why is the 26th December known as Boxing Day in some countries? Disappointment over gifts leads to aggression. 
3. What would be the gifts from the Three Wise Men today? Tesla stock, a gold cellphone and tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. 
4. What is Hogmanay? It is one pig farmer. Yes.
5. How much is a monkey? It is just one.
6. Do crows crow? Yes. and cows caw.
7. Why do milking stools have three legs? The cowherd broke off the third to use in herding the cows in.
8. What is meant by perfect pitch? Three strikes.
9. Where will you find a palm tree? In your hand.
10. What is rolling stock? Cattle in a cattle car on a train or a stash of marijuana.

It’s Friday, Ergo I Must Fib.

Illustration by Kisoulou on Unsplash

Here are my responses to Pensitivity’s Fibbing Friday.

1. Why was January chosen to be the first month of the year? All the other names for months were taken.
2. Why does the Chinese New Year not start until February? It takes longer for the New Year to get to that side of the world.
3. What’s the point of eating black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day? Hunger.
4. Why do we make New Year’s resolutions? So we have the pleasure of breaking them.
5. What will Santa Claus be doing now that Christmas is over? He’ll be eating black-eyed peas. 
6. According to tradition, in the Twelve Days of Christmas, the 1st day is Christmas, itself. So what is the 12th day known as? The last day of Christmas.
7. Why are so many of the gifts listed in the song, The 12 Days of Christmas, birds? There was a special on them at the pet store.
8. What earthly event marks when an angel gets its wings? Popeyes sells its BBQ Wings at a discount price. 
9. What happens on the Winter Solstice? The Winter Solstice.
10. How did the tradition of the Yule log originate? A really good salesman/con artist didn’t have a gift for the Xmas party host so just grabbed up a log as he passed through the woods and convinced them that this was a sacred tradition. Word spread.