Category Archives: Humor

A Tinder Rebuttal

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A Tinder Rebuttal

Stranger conversations may have taken place,
presenting arbitrary details with vehemence and haste.
With insubstantial logic spouted too close to my face,
the slab of beef in front of me was sure to go to waste.
I rued the day I’d made the swipe on Tinder to the right.
I knew that if I answered it would end up in a fight,
but if I was too lenient in pointing out the flaws
in his conspiracy theories, it might be worse, because
one inch given, one foot taken with such crazy sorts of gents,
and so I shoved my plate away and jumped down from the fence,
packed my steak into my go-bag and decided not to linger,
shoving back my chair to leave, I proffered him my finger.
With folks like him, I’d realized, logic is absurd,
so I made my rebuttal without a single word!

 

 

Prompt words are stranger, insubstantial, arbitrary, lenient, slab and conversation.
Image by Alessandro Bellone on Unsplash.

Sobriquet

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Sobriquet

He is an aficionado of all things fine and rare.
He judges friends on what they eat as well as what they wear.
His taste is never arbitrary. He knows what is right,
and contrary preferences are sure to cause a fight.

Intricate directions are issued to his staff
and any omission is a fireable gaffe.
So, though he showers every day and his name is Jack,
Everybody calls him “Old Sour Balls” to his back.

 

Prompt words today are aficionado, intricate, , arbitrary, contrary, bathroom and sour balls. Image by Yerling Villalobos on Unsplash.

Idara

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Idara

Her very name meant organization. She exceeded all the rules
for unity and order. She didn’t allow curls
to pop up on her hair ends. Her locks hung lank and straight .
It was with trepidation that she allowed a date
to disturb their perfect order when venturing a kiss.
She could not help but worry something would go amiss.

Daily she checked her batteries, fearing one would fail.
She doubled her insurance for avalanche and hail
and taking due precautions, she exceeded sound and reason,
preparing many months ahead for every change of season.

She flinched at lights and shadows, expecting the worst—
some tragedy or danger for which she’d not rehearsed.
Her parents thought it their fault for giving her the name,
wondering if they’d named her Hope if she’d turn out the same.

 

Prompts today are lights and shadows, trepidation, battery, exceed, organization and name. The name “Idara” really does mean organized. Stock Photo.

Fishermen

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(Click on photos to enlarge.)

Fishermen

On platforms built over the bay,
the fishermen begin their day.
In spite of last-night’s sordid fun,
they’re up before the day’s begun,
ready to join their fishing fleet
so later we can leave replete
with fish from platters piled high
with clams and shrimp and codfish pie.

Wild fishermen of bar or tavern,
in days of old in inn or cavern
drank their wine and emerged bleary
to their boats, hungover, weary.
Simon and Andrew were the first
to leave their fishing nets and thirst
for cups of wine filled to the brim
to change their lives and follow him.

Joined after by the other ten,
they all became fishers of men.
And even though eons ago
they, too, had their wild oats to sow,
these fishermen would be surprised
that since then they’ve been canonized,
thus feeding souls with other than
can be dished out in dish or pan.

 Prompt words are platform, sordid, bash, canonize, fleet and platter.

Vindi”cat”ion

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Truculent Twos and the Fourth of July

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Truculent Twos and the Fourth of July

A starburst of fireworks up in the sky
caught the truculent child’s wandering eye.
Took his mind off his troubles  and saved the vacation
which had formerly suffered from his tribulation.
His folks’ cogent reasonings wondering why
could not hold a candle to things in the sky
that vanquished his agony, lifting him higher
toward massive explosions of  glorious fire.

Prompts today are starburst, cogent, truculent, intrusive, trouble and vacation.

Irresistible

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Irresistible

Dishabille in a manner that other girls seek,
she was blonde and piquant and golden and Greek.
The men swarmed around her every night
named her “Pepperoncini” and all craved a bite.

No one could predict what she’d wear, say or do,
for each day she invented her image anew.
Her restoration might be crazy dresses
a new career or wild colored tresses.

But in spite of the changes—the weird fuss and fiddle,
she remained the fun girl who was caught in the middle.
No change could obscure her irresistible soul
at sixty years young, still every man’s goal.

 

Prompt words today are dishabille, predict, pepperoncini, restoration and middle. 

Broken Resolutions

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Broken Resolutions

I admire your resolution as you once more launch a new one.
Eying the lovely ladies, saying you’re not going to woo one,
but I fear your resolution is due to soon elapse
as you inevitably launch into your annual relapse.

The Miss America pageant should commence with a dire warning
lest an evening’s entertainment turn obsessional by morning.
Men such as yourself who are merely Cupid’s dupe
might find themselves trapped helpless like a fly drowned in the soup.

As you dream of Miss Missouri or fixate on Illinois,
you might find yourself transforming into just a boy
and imagine it’s your privilege, perhaps, to have a date
with the prettiest maiden in the next adjoining state.

But, alas, it’s only dreaming—the result of your illusions
that you can live out your most impossible delusions.
All those lovely ladies that you most desire to woo you
are the ones most likely to reject and eschew you

Prompt words today are admire, warning, elapse, launch, soup, privilege .

Back of the Fridge

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Back of the Fridge

Free from the air current’s rush and flow,
the fridge back’s where the spiders go
to spin their webs and catch their prey.
We should give thanks for them, ‘cuz they
 trap flies that land upon our snacks,
dive-bomb our faces, roam our backs
and cause us all so much dismay,
so let your resident spiders stay.
Better in their hidden place
than buzzing flies right in your face.

Trolling for flies in the kitchen.

For SOCS prompt: Back of the Fridge

Things That Go Bump In The Night

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(Click on photos to see larger views.)

Things That Go Bump In The Night

On Samhain tiny goblins compete with tinier witches,
holding out their candy bags with pleading looks and twitches.
Trading in their own names like Sandy, John and Luke,
they go by their pseudonyms of Zombie, Ghoul and Spook.

They only have ’til midnight to cease their operation
of collecting candy, to their great consternation,
for it is at the midnight hour that real ghouls congregate
with witches, ghosts and zombies at the graveyard gate.

Old miners follow flume trails down looking for the gold
that seemed to evade them in the days of old.
Dead school marms lift their rulers looking for a kid to swat,
And zombies execute last haunts before their final rot.

Ghoulies swoop down from the trees and witches brew their brews,
vowing to force feed their glop to any kid they choose.
So best be in your beds before the midnight toll
lest you be absconded with by zombie or by troll!!!!!

Prompts for today are spook, twitch, *Samhain, *flume,  operation, pseudonym,

*Flumes were  wooden troughs elevated on trestles that ran down a mountainside to bring gold down from futher up the mountain.  They were also used in the transportation of logs in the logging industry. We used to hike up the flume trail at summer camp in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

*Our Halloween evolved as a combination of All Souls Day and Samhain, an early Gaelic and Celtic harvest festival which contained many of the elements that evolved into the custom of dressing up in costumes and trick-or-treating.