Category Archives: Humor

Miss Cleanjeans

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Miss Cleanjeans

I love I love I love I love my boyfriend’s laundromat.
My clothes go in so dirty and come out looking pat.
You might find it lamentable that I do not pay.
I promise that I’ve tried to, but he says “No way!”
I’m timid as a lemur, so I do not protest.
In all of these matters, I know that he knows best.
Part of my lovey-doveyness is that I must concur
with everything he says or does, for I am so demure
that I can’t launch objections to anything he does.
My very simple reason? I can’t do it “because.”

 

 

For this week’s prompt, the letter is “L.”
Place – laundromat
Emotion – lovey-doveyness
Adjective – lamentable
Verb – launch
Animal – lemur

For A Letter A Week Prompt

Culinary Taboos

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Culinary Taboos

Hot dogs, tacos, ham on rye
are the ways that I get by.
I don’t like caviar on toast,
and what I really hate the most
are liver, tripe or heart or brains.
These are the things my taste disdains.
I cannot masticate and eat
These things that, think, digest or beat.
The height of what my mouth deplores,
they’re  what my stomach most deplores.
And it has never been my habit
to eat lamb or veal or rabbit,
possibly because it gets
me thinking about former pets
and liaisons with baby creatures
that were very frequent features
in a childhood wherein we
sheltered a menagerie
of magpies, bunnies, kittens, rabbits
that fulfilled my parents’ habits
to collect those orphaned things
that often life presents and brings
to those who notice what is needed
by those abandoned or defeated..
Zippy, Fluffy, Tiger, Poo
were the names of just a few
babies that became our peers
within our formative years,
which is  why I still dispute
eating things so young and cute.
But reasons that I do not eat
any fish or organ meat? 
The answer is succinct and easy.
They just simply make me queazy!

True story? Yes, we really did have a baby raccoon named Zippy and all of these other orphaned animals brought home from the ranch by my father and raised like her own kids by my mother.
And yes, this poem rambles a bit, but for Pete’s sake, look at the prompt words!! Not complaining, just explaining….And that is Zippy up there as an illustration not of a possible cuisine choice, but he was one of our orphaned animal adoptees.

Prompts today are zippy, possible, rye, liaison, height and shelter.

Fleeced and Avenged

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Fleeced and Avenged

When first my antagonist burst upon the scene,
he was an enterprising human sales machine.
I was his favorite client, an accomplishment for sure—
innocent and gullible and open to the lure.
I had little experience foreshadowing the end.
No idea at all what lay waiting ’round the bend.
But I fear his achievement was unduly brief,
because Daddy called the sheriff, declaring him a thief.
Now he’s living in the jailhouse and his board and room is free.
He’s living on the county now—not on little old me!

 

Today’s prompts are achievement, foreshadow, antagonist, enterprise, burst and accomplishment.  Image from Pinterest.

Grandpa’s Solo Visits

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Grandpa’s Solo Visits

It’s mysterious how the volume of our cereal goes down
whenever Grandpa chooses to visit in our town.
Without Grandma’s influence, his willpower is zilch
and so he takes this opportunity to filch
our Coco Puffs and Captain Crunch and other cereal,
for he likes a little crackling in his morning meal
along with all the sugar, ‘cuz he swears it puts some zip
in his faltering “get-along” and soothes his aching hip.
None of us tell Grandma, because once he has his fill,
when we all go out for ice cream, Grandpa picks up the bill!!!!

Prompts today are: volume, cereal, mysterious, filch, influence and crackling. Before you ask, this is pure fiction. Sadly, I never had a grandpa. They both died before I was born. If I’d had one, though, I wish he’d been like this grandpa.

“To Do”

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My real “To Do” pile!!!
See this ‘to do” list? Does it happen to have feeding time on it?

Click on photos to enlarge and read commentary.

“To Do”

My networking agenda is getting rather full,
and I feel much-encumbered by its towering pull.
File after file lined up row on row,
I encounter my “to do” pile everywhere I go.

If I were more resourceful, I would have got them done,
Instead I follow other paths and thus accomplish none.
My list grows longer by the day, yet I ignore its flow
streaming off my desktop onto the floor below.

If I allow defection and follow unplanned whims,
wasting time in tidepools and swinging off of limbs,
what do I care if niftier friends do as their lists insist.
There’s more to life than what I’ve written up on any list.

 

Prompt words for today are : nifty, resourceful, network, list, encumbered, flow.

Family Heirlooms

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Family Heirlooms

It’s apparent I’m replaceable. At least it is the shout
that you moved in my replacement as soon as I moved out.
I hope that you remember as you stroll down your new path
that your former roadway contains an aftermath.

The heirlooms of our marriage include three children who
don’t share my intention of divorcing you.
They need a proper father and you’re the only one
licensed to address them as daughter and as son.

On the heirloom ring you gave me on our wedding night,
the chimera of your family crest really wasn’t quite
appropriate, though made of gold polished shiny bright,
An ass head on a serpent’s body would have got it right!

 

Prompt words today are apparent, replaceable, aftermath, chimera, proper and heirloom.

Mr. Universe in the Old Age Home

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Mr. Universe in the Old Age Home

His life was lovely and bucolic
prior to his anabolic
stage wherein he played the game
of dosing up to gain a name

and a media barrage
descended on the small garage
where he went to lift more weight
than once he could anticipate.

His life became a mad mirage
of barbells, steroids —a barrage
of contests wherein he competed,
going largely undefeated—

a staircase leading to that time
when he, unchallenged and sublime,
ruled without apology,
a miracle of morphology.

Everybody knew his name.
A survivor, fit, top of his game,
in time his will began to flag
and everything began to sag.

His muscles gone to atrophy,
he is not what he used to be.
His bod of steel reduced to puddle,
he is more comfy now to cuddle,

and so he finds at an old age
that happily, he’s still the rage,
for the old ladies that he hustles
still want to feel his former muscles.

 

Prompts today are game, apology, survivor, bucolic, staircase and mirage.

Winter Adventure Tour, for the Sunday Whirl Wordle 555

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Winter Adventure Tour

That first chilling sound of the ice’s warning crack
and that slithery pinprick feeling of ice water down your back
are sure to leave you feeling disturbingly distraught.
This is more of an adventure than the one you sought.

It’s the sort of trip you’d like to banish from your thoughts,
one devoid of “wants “and stuffed full of the “nots,”
yet it plays against your eyelids with a frequency you’d like
to round up in your head and tell to take a hike.

Your tour guide? He’s a rascal and they ought to string him up.
He’s a weasel, he’s a rat and he’s a mangy low-down pup.
They should brand him as a felon, this king of thoughtless vice
for selling you an outing to skate on such thin ice!!!!

The prompt words are pinprick slithery chilling distraught felon string yet banish lid trip with miss   For Sunday Whirl Wordle 555  Image by Hans Isaacson on Unsplash.

Evening Rush Hour Bus Ride

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Evening Rush Hour Bus Ride

Only one seat left, so I thrust myself within it,
beating out another boarding passenger to win it.
Adjusting all my packages, I didn’t chance to look
at my seat mate, for her face was buried in a book.

I used a lull in traffic to begin a conversation,
but was cut off by the bite of her brutal tongue’s serration.
She sputtered without compromise or mercy or a pause
about what she surmised were my weaknesses and flaws.

Her words sprayed out in spittle, unceasing in their venom.
She criticized my hairdo and my shoe size and my denim.
Not a thing about me pleased her. She was brutal in her spiel.
Had I considered a diet? Was my hair color for real?

At the very next bus stop, I finally took flight.
Miles from where I sought to go, I fled into the night.
It must have been a curse or bad Karma or a hex
that I would end up in a seat next to my boyfriend’s ex!!!

 

Prompts for today are traffic, compromise, flight, serration, spray and please. Image by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

Implausible Proposal

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Implausible Proposal

You know, that ring that you were hurling
that landed in the sink,

set the water swirling
 as it landed with a clink,

then elected to go curling
into inky depths below,

its extemporaneous whirling
too fast to see it go?

I admit it was just sterling,
and yes, the diamond fake.

It’s zirconium or pearling
for the money that I make,

because more expensive girling
is not a piece of cake.

So, if you want me for my money,
better find another guy.

What I offer to my honey
is not something I can buy!

Prompts for today are ink, extemporaneous, sterling, nigh, elect and yes.