Category Archives: Humor

Spousal Failure

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Spousal Failure

My sister met a minister over Love.Com
who’d found God in the trenches while in Vietnam.
And though he had a talent at saving a lost soul,
in fact he was so holy that she slipped out through a hole.

It seems she had an allergy to men who sought to change her.
She thought she’d find another with no need to rearrange her.
And since the fees for Love.Com were close to a King’s ransom,
she set out on her own to find a man over the transom.

She sought him on the subway, at work and in the park.
She sought him in the glare of day and sought him in the dark.
When any man came nigh, she looked him over head-to-toe,
consumed with locating a man wherever she might go.

But an illuminated person, I fear that she is not.
So working on her own, she never found the love she sought.
And since the great love of her life went sadly undetected,
She should have settled on that minister that she rejected.

Rejected ending:

And so, I hate to say, she spent her whole life as a spinster.
All in all, perhaps she should have settled on the minster!

Word prompts are ransom, nigh, consume, minister, illuminated.and allergy
Image by Mosoianu Bogdan on Unsplash.

Kissing With Eyes Closed

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Kissing With Eyes Closed

Though she was not disappointed by the fervor of his kiss,
 in fact it was misguided, for it was a total miss.
It landed on her lash extensions, eyelids to the tips, 
but it would have been more piquant if planted on her lips.

He mopped his sweaty forehead, which was damp from the exertion,
then went in for another kiss in spite of her assertion
that he needn’t do an update. One kiss was quite enough.
Perhaps they could go for a walk or do some other stuff.

Thus ended their first date which could have been a fine romance,
if only she had thought to give the chap a second chance.
Kissing with eyes opened, he was sure that he would kill,
but, alas, I’m fairly certain that he never will.

 

Prompts today are mop, fervor, bereft, piquant, extension and update. Click on prompt links if you want to read other poems to the same prompt or to discover the source to play along yourself.

Dream Perch

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Houndstooth Pillow

Dream Perch

When I can’t locate my pillow, my immediate reaction
is to galvanize my efforts in investigatory action.
I’m elated if I find it slipped behind my bed,
and I immediately restore it to its place beneath my head.

But if I cannot find it and do not have something better,
I have to improvise and use a wadded up old sweater!
When away from home, though, if I require a few
winks and have no sweater, any passing dog will do!

 

 

Prompt words today are pillow, locate, galvanising, elate and sweater.

A Guide to Good Service in a Snotty Restaurant

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A Guide to Good Service in a Snotty Restaurant

If you thought I was obsequious, have another think.
I was merely being cordial to get another drink.
The wait staff there was surly so I thought I would be nice,
although it seemed that in this joint, being cuddly was a vice.

There was some ambiguity in regards to being served.
It seems as though they gave the service they thought we deserved.
We couldn’t get attention with our arm-waving and hooting,
but luckily, before we came, we’d done some target shooting.

I put a bullet in the chamber and aimed it at the ceiling, 
and when our waiter heard the blast, he changed his way of dealing
with the placid customer at table number five.
It seems the way to win respect was leaving him alive.

He brought my gin and tonic with nary a snide quip.
He brought my crudités and even brought an extra dip.
And he didn’t raise an eyebrow or even curl his lip
when I left the restaurant without leaving a tip!!

 

Prompts for today are: chamber, blast, cuddly, obsequious and ambiguity. Image by Lefteris Kallergis on Unsplash.

When Last We Saw Zoe. . . .

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Click on photos to read the tale.

half-and-half, off-and-on
Ten minutes later, however, she was back in her old bed.
But then,
Why not the best of both worlds?

I Bought Zoe a New Bed

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So look how she lies on it!!!!

Influencers

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Influencers

If we could not scan the internet for the scandal of the day,
what could we find to substitute to pass away the day?
With no tempest in a teapot stirred up for us by Kim,
the lights of inspiration in the world would surely dim.

We need these rich exemplars of the way that life should be—
these folks in their cathedrals more “with it” than you and me.
Without them, we would have to make decisions all alone
figuring out how to act and dress all on our own!

Prompts today are tempest, internet, scan, exemplar and cathedral.

CFFC Squares or Triangles #2

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Please click on photos to see entire frame.

Framed
Triangulation

Oops.. I found a few more!

 

 

For Cee’s CFFC

An Apologia for Gasconade*

27 Replies

 

An Apologia for Gasconade*

This poem, per se, is not profound, in fact it’s rather frowsy.
As poems go, I fear that it is going to be lousy.
Pretentiousness in meter, a travesty in rhyme,
I really fear that reading it will be a waste of time.
Its sheets will become linen, its walk a promenade.
The entire verse will turn, I fear, into a gasconade.*
If you see more than this in it, you’re seeing pareidolia.*
If you don’t know what this is, kindly refer to the scholia!.*

 

Prompts today are frowzy, per se, pareidolia, gasconade and linen.

*A gasconade is extravagant boasting or bragging. *A pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon in which the mind perceives a specific image or pattern where it does not actually exist, such as seeing a face in the clouds.

*Sesquipedalian  describes someone or something that overuses big words, as some of the prompt sites have lately.

*Scholia are grammatical, critical, or explanatory comments – original or copied from prior commentaries – which are inserted in the margin of the manuscript.

Blame the “Sesquipedalian” on me, as well as the  “scholia ,” which  was very handy as a rhyme for “pareidolia,” which I’m not responsible for.”

Nomenclatural Revenge

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Nomenclatural Revenge

My repulsive nickname is an affront to my pride.
Whoever might have coined it most assuredly has lied.
When I queried who the rascal was, the usual rumor was
that nasty girl Rebecca, and the reason was because

I was dating Walter, the one she lusted for,
but who, because he prefers me, continues to ignore
the bodacious Rebecca, remaining in my arms
just because he prefers my  considerable  charms.

In spite, that bitch Rebecca says the name “Clock Face” should fit
because my face has passing time written all over it!
So I have coined a name for her. I’m going to call her “Lips”
for all the food  passed through them that’s recorded on her hips!

Kiss-off, Rebecca!

 

Prompts today are clock face, bodacious, query, rumor.First image by Glen Hodson on Unsplash. Second photo by me.