Category Archives: humorous poem

Expired!!!!

13 Replies

Forgottenman said I have to write a birthday poem, so here it is:


Expired

I will not curb my inhibitions, and so I will not sail
off on new adventures out beyond the pale.
That powerful compunction to be off on an adventure,
ever after, I declare to have my sincere censure.

Apathy is my new creed. I simply do not care
to meet with any challenges or answer any dare.
I’ll gaze upon my garden and watch its petals fall
and when faced with challenges? Reject them one and all.

I’ve officially retired. I’m taking up TV.
I’ll sit here eating popcorn, a cat upon my knee.
I’ll make up for a lifetime of my lack of viewing
and rail against what all the youngsters of today are doing.

I’m done with being active and current and involved.
I’ve lost my former need for being current and evolved.
Forget that I exist and let me moulder in my den.
I’m both used up and giving up on all that I have been.

Three-quarters of a century’s enough for being me.
Now I will investigate what else there is to be.
I’ll expire before the date that I am due for expiration,
and simply coast along for the rest of my duration.

(Don’t worry. It is meant tongue-in-cheek.)

Prompt words today are sail, apathy, powerful, suppress and petals.

Another Class Reunion

10 Replies

Another Class Reunion

The housewife and her classmates have staged a small reunion
to munch and drink but mainly talk—an annual communion
wherein they build a campfire and the drunker that they get
the more that they tell stories they’re afraid that they’ll forget
if they don’t repeat them yearly, so they tell them to their spouses,
who, I must admit, wish they’d remained home in their houses.
Yet, most don’t blame their loved ones for their memories of the past,
although they know they’ll hear them for as long as memories last.
They are ambassadors of patience as they hear each tale again,
about the wild and zany things their spouse did way back when. 

 

I’ll be going back to my class reunion/ town reunion in less than two weeks, but alas, with no spouse in tow. Stretching the truth a bit above. They only occur every 5 years and actually not that much drinking goes on. Poetic license, you know. The photos are, however, from  my town and class reunions of the past.

 

Prompts today are: classmates, housewife, munch, ambassador, blame and campfire.

Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

9 Replies

Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

Unearthly nutrition is on its last legs.
How often have you been served deviled eggs?
Ambrosia they say was the food of the gods,
but to be served it now? Just what are the odds?
And only when faith causes us to unleaven
are we ever gifted with mana from heaven.
Heavenly hash and devil’s food cake
are dishes that only a cougar would make
to lure her young lover into her lair.
Wherein she’d seduce him with her angel hair
pasta to help him to bolster his energy—
her clever plot to improve their synergy!
But, if you’d like to start a new trend, 
by reprising old recipes, then read on, friend.
A *karma cocktail or a **devil’s brew?
Now and then it won’t hurt you to have one or two.

*A karma cocktail is made with Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, Triple Sec, Orange Juice, and Lemon Lime Soda!

To make a**devil’s brew : In a shaking glass, add vodka, triple sec, melon liqueur, peach schnapps and lime juice. Shake well. 3. Gently add ice to serving glass and strain mix over before layering ever clear on top and lighting.
Prompt words today are unearthly, nutrition, cougar, rally and clever.

Birth of a Couch Potato

5 Replies

Birth of a Couch Potato

The crush of humanity, swell of the crowd,
demands a new edict. No  pushing allowed.
Thus turning the scene a tad melancholy,
whereas in the past it had been pretty jolly.

The policy depended, primarily, on shaming
certain well-known revelers I won’t be naming,
by branding them careless , ill-mannered and rude
and other crass labels that I won’t include.

Suffice it to say that this official labeling
contributed much to their social disabling.
Now they sit home getting flaccid and flabby,
watching old episodes of Downton Abbey.

.

Prompts for today are crush, swell, shaming, flabby, policy and melancholy .
Image by Eric Mclean on Unsplash

Bride’s First Meal

7 Replies

Bride’s First Meal

It was a layered casserole of maize and squash and beans
whose contents were indigenous and well within her means.
She blanched and drained and layered in a metal pan.
She followed all directions and plotted out each plan.

Dabbing on her favorite essence, she donned his favorite dress.
With the front door open, she didn’t have to guess
when he was walking up the lane and so she would be able
to greet him with a soulful kiss and dinner on the table.

But, her first endeavor which she’d hoped would be delicious,
in fact was not ambrosial, but instead pernicious.
It seemed as though the entire dish might be having troubles
as it rose above its boundaries with ominous pops and bubbles.

In short,

These were the things that went amiss
after his entrance and their kiss.
She rued the day that dish was born.
The squash was tough, as was the corn.

Instead they went to Burger King
and ordered one of everything,
came on home and gorged on it,
so their first meal was quite a hit.

She pitched her failed attempt within
a nearby waiting rubbish bin.
She was smart and so good looking.
He didn’t wed her for her cooking.

 

Prompt words today are ambrosial, endeavor, indigenous, essence, metal and lane.

A Cherry Perfect Birthday

5 Replies

A Cherry Perfect Birthday

Tomorrow we will celebrate my sixth year jubilee
with a little party just for my family.
Grandma’s going to catentate
cherries and lard and flour
and add a bit of sugar to make the fruit less sour,
then proceed to put it in the oven to cook up
into my favorite cherry pie upon which we will sup.
Thus will fruit and grain and fat conspire to create
a birthday treat the thoughts of which make me salivate.
Birds may like cherries in the wild directly off the tree,
but baked into my grandma’s pie tastes way better to me!!!!

Prompts for today are: jubilee, proceed, pastry, catenate (to join together), bird and grain.

Miss Cleanjeans

8 Replies

Miss Cleanjeans

I love I love I love I love my boyfriend’s laundromat.
My clothes go in so dirty and come out looking pat.
You might find it lamentable that I do not pay.
I promise that I’ve tried to, but he says “No way!”
I’m timid as a lemur, so I do not protest.
In all of these matters, I know that he knows best.
Part of my lovey-doveyness is that I must concur
with everything he says or does, for I am so demure
that I can’t launch objections to anything he does.
My very simple reason? I can’t do it “because.”

 

 

For this week’s prompt, the letter is “L.”
Place – laundromat
Emotion – lovey-doveyness
Adjective – lamentable
Verb – launch
Animal – lemur

For A Letter A Week Prompt

Culinary Taboos

23 Replies

Culinary Taboos

Hot dogs, tacos, ham on rye
are the ways that I get by.
I don’t like caviar on toast,
and what I really hate the most
are liver, tripe or heart or brains.
These are the things my taste disdains.
I cannot masticate and eat
These things that, think, digest or beat.
The height of what my mouth deplores,
they’re  what my stomach most deplores.
And it has never been my habit
to eat lamb or veal or rabbit,
possibly because it gets
me thinking about former pets
and liaisons with baby creatures
that were very frequent features
in a childhood wherein we
sheltered a menagerie
of magpies, bunnies, kittens, rabbits
that fulfilled my parents’ habits
to collect those orphaned things
that often life presents and brings
to those who notice what is needed
by those abandoned or defeated..
Zippy, Fluffy, Tiger, Poo
were the names of just a few
babies that became our peers
within our formative years,
which is  why I still dispute
eating things so young and cute.
But reasons that I do not eat
any fish or organ meat? 
The answer is succinct and easy.
They just simply make me queazy!

True story? Yes, we really did have a baby raccoon named Zippy and all of these other orphaned animals brought home from the ranch by my father and raised like her own kids by my mother.
And yes, this poem rambles a bit, but for Pete’s sake, look at the prompt words!! Not complaining, just explaining….And that is Zippy up there as an illustration not of a possible cuisine choice, but he was one of our orphaned animal adoptees.

Prompts today are zippy, possible, rye, liaison, height and shelter.

Fleeced and Avenged

4 Replies

Fleeced and Avenged

When first my antagonist burst upon the scene,
he was an enterprising human sales machine.
I was his favorite client, an accomplishment for sure—
innocent and gullible and open to the lure.
I had little experience foreshadowing the end.
No idea at all what lay waiting ’round the bend.
But I fear his achievement was unduly brief,
because Daddy called the sheriff, declaring him a thief.
Now he’s living in the jailhouse and his board and room is free.
He’s living on the county now—not on little old me!

 

Today’s prompts are achievement, foreshadow, antagonist, enterprise, burst and accomplishment.  Image from Pinterest.

Grandpa’s Solo Visits

13 Replies


Grandpa’s Solo Visits

It’s mysterious how the volume of our cereal goes down
whenever Grandpa chooses to visit in our town.
Without Grandma’s influence, his willpower is zilch
and so he takes this opportunity to filch
our Coco Puffs and Captain Crunch and other cereal,
for he likes a little crackling in his morning meal
along with all the sugar, ‘cuz he swears it puts some zip
in his faltering “get-along” and soothes his aching hip.
None of us tell Grandma, because once he has his fill,
when we all go out for ice cream, Grandpa picks up the bill!!!!

Prompts today are: volume, cereal, mysterious, filch, influence and crackling. Before you ask, this is pure fiction. Sadly, I never had a grandpa. They both died before I was born. If I’d had one, though, I wish he’d been like this grandpa.