Tag Archives: Bad Jokes

For Fibbing Friday, Mar 15, 2024

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Look closely. Yes, that is me with a python around my neck, circa 1973.
Alas, not in Africa as in question #3, but in Sri Lanka! That is not its head in my mouth,
but rather the snake-charmer’s musical pipe. The snake’s head is coiled around it,
its body hanging around my neck. Hard to see as we are dressed similarly.

For Fibbing Friday the challenges are:

1. What is a juggernaut?  Everything except a jugger.
2. What is an HGV?  An Home and Garden Magazine placed face-down on the table.
3. What is an off roader?  An African Snake.
4. What is a 4 X 4? A double double-date.
5. What is a turbine? A crossroads in a city area.
6. Where will you find an octave? In an aquarium. It is the anatomical spot where one arm meets another on an octopus. 
7. What is a dovetail joint? Well, obviously, it’s the spot where a dove’s tail joins with its body!!! Also, a place where doves hang out for a bit of refreshment after flying around all day.
8. What is a messerschmitt? Oh, it is one of the Schmitt boys confessing to the headmaster who is asking who drew the rude picture of the teacher on the blackboard. (Me, Sir–Schmitt!)
9. What is a tangerine? A Gerine that has been working out in the sun all summer. 
10. What is a mattock?  On a timekeeper’s watch, the sound that occurs right after a tick during a wrestling match as he times the seconds an opponent’s shoulders have been pinned to the mat.

Joke of the Day, July 30, 2020

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IMG_9613

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When to Laugh

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When to Laugh

Some jokes make me chuckle and others make me laugh,
but others are not funny, and their telling a mere gaffe.
Do not joke about my weight, friends. Do not make fun of my age,
for instead of prompting chortles, it will just occasion rage.
Do not tell me racial jokes or laugh at the infirm.
Cruelty’s an illness and jokes like this its germ.

We all know the subjects to avoid when telling jokes,
but we also know those insensitive crude blokes
who think they are so clever in breaking all the rules
and thereby are the jokes themselves, just proving they’re the fools.
Forgive me if the thing about them that might prompt my chuckles
is when other listeners respond to them with knuckles!

More about chuckling here: https://judydykstrabrown.com/category/laughter/

The prompt word today is “chuckle.”

Out-joked

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BACK GARDEN1

Out-joked

Everyone must know a joker––
plotter, trickster, laugh-provoker
who doesn’t know quite when to stop.
Who needs, in fact, a humor cop
to tell him when he’s done enough––
pulled his ultimate ruse or bluff.

The dribble glass, the rubber poop
placed upon your house’s stoop?
Definitely adolescent
if not actually prepubescent.
Yet still this buffoon thinks he’s funny.
With lists of jokes, he’s over-punny.

Every occasion, every rumor
is met by him with off-base humor.
It’s his role to create sensation
in the most serious conversation.
Exploding cigars, salty gum,
whoopee cushions ‘neath your bum.

No matter how you beg this friend
to bring these antics to their end,
he never seems to listen to
what he’s requested to “not” do.
so when he streaked my garden party,
elegant, refined and arty,

he finally found himself undone
when he’d half-completed his naked run.
Dear friend, when you chose where you stepped,
you should have veered or should have leapt.
When he replaced your rubber poo,
my dog just pulled a joke on you!

IMG_0617 (1).jpg

 

The prompt today is “Joke.”

So, Who’s Laughing???

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So, Who’s Laughing?

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Too Soon?” Can anything be funny, or are some things off limits?

I think some things are definitely off-limits. Child molestation, child abuse and animal abuse, for instance. Racial jokes, jokes about physical infirmity and weight, jokes about appearance, starvation, torture, atrocities against women–none are on my list of what should be joked about.

Some types of humor that would be totally unacceptable to me, however, seem to gain acceptance according to the person who tells the joke. If you are telling it about yourself and a group you belong to, jokes that would not be acceptable told by someone else, suddenly win acceptance. But I can think of no situation where a joke about child molestation, child abuse or animal abuse would be in the least bit acceptable!

This Bear Walks into a Bar in Alaska

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“This Bear Walks into a Bar in Alaska”

I sit and wait for their cessation–
these blocks to actual conversation
that make me want to sputter, choke,
and leave before another joke
escapes the lips of that lame teller
who thinks his dumb jokes are so stellar
that they stand in for actual
statements that are factual.

It makes me want to take a toke,
to whinny, bark, meow or croak.
I don’t like jokes too awful much.
I find they are another crutch
that keeps at bay words intimate
with words that entertain or cut.
Make no mistake, I love a pun,
and humor is a lot of fun.

Laughter’s not the problem, see.
It’s jokes that really bother me.
Using someone else’s words
is what I find slightly absurd.
What’s more, there’s always just one more
joke to tell.  It’s such a bore.
I want to hear your mind at work–
not jokes retold by every jerk.

Even so, I’m prompted to
find a joke to tell to you.
So rather than betray my taste,
and hoping you’ve some time to waste,
I’m going to give a punch line here
and though I know it’s kind of queer,
I hope you’ll try to take a poke.
Here’s a punch line. Please write the joke:

“You see, I’m a bipolar bear.”
(Write me the joke now if you dare.
Don’t feel you have to make it rhyme.
A joke in prose takes half the time.)

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/ha-ha-ha/

Skyping: (Long after Midnight and 4 Margaritas)

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The Prompt:  Pains and Gains—Do you agree with Jane Fonda’s favorite exercise motto, “no pain, no gain?”  Is it impossible to attain greatness without considerable hardship?

I think that it is possible to attain greatness without considerable hardship in that all the effort you go to to achieve what you achieve is often in an area where hard work becomes play.  I have sat up all night writing or doing art for most of my life  for the past thirty or more years and it wasn’t hardship because I loved doing it.  In fact, I was compelled to do so.  I’ll bet you anything that Jane Fonda enjoyed all that hard exercise.  I, on the other hand, prefer to exercise my hands typing on keyboards or maneuvering flex shafts or paint brushes!  And with my sort of exercise, an occasional Margarita doesn’t hurt!

Long after Midnight and 4 Margaritas:

She: What is the most dreaded disease of hockey players?
He.: i give
She: Chicken Pucks!!!
He: (facepalm emoticon)
She: What is the most dreaded disease of Narcissists?
He.: I give
She: Me-sles.
She: The most dread disease of martyrs? (Promise, last one.)
He: ?
She: You-rinary tract infections
He: (headbang emoticon)

Note: This Skype conversation actually occurred the same night as the 3 Margarita conversation posted yesterday; so no, I’m not drinking Margaritas every night.  Also, I mix very weak Margaritas, so they are not totally to blame for the silliness above.  Around one or two in the morning, my mind usually gets on a jag and the best way to deal with it is just to hang up on me, which happened soon after this string of unfortunate jokes.  Corny, but I still get a kick out of them.  Yes, they are all original.  I wouldn’t blame them on anyone but my own past-midnight mind.  Judy