Tag Archives: bar talk

Bar Stool Bozos and the Predictable Come-on Line


Bar Stool Bozos and the Predictable Come-on Line

A new potential conquest is seen falling from her stool
in bodily protection from contact with this fool.
He’s a denizen of single bars, a problem to avoid,
for he’s sure to leave you listless, if not, in fact, annoyed.

How many boring platitudes can one bromide spout?
How may time-worn come-on lines are vying to get out
of lips that move unceasingly, spilling into the night
all the obvious clichés that he’s driven to cite?

Of all the gin joints in the world, why did he enter in
into the one where you came to have a quiet gin?
There should be a law passed that you get to vote on who
gets to wander into bars and saunter up to you.

They should have to pass an I.Q. test, then be sorted and tagged,
from “interesting” to “boring,” and the worst should then be gagged
with a small hole for a soda straw so they could go on drinking
without the ones around them having to know what they’re thinking.

 

Notable come-on lines that are grounds for gagging:

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?”
“If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?”
“We gotta get you outa that wet dress and into a dry martini.”

 

Prompt words today are bromide, falling, denizen and problem.

Note: Bromide in literary usage means a phrase, cliché, or platitude that is trite or unoriginal. It can be intended to soothe or placate; it can suggest insincerity or a lack of originality in the speaker. Bromide can also mean a commonplace or tiresome person, a bore (a person who speaks in bromides).

Gone Fishin’

Gone Fishin’

All of the other girls are extolling
your expertise in flirting and trolling
for available fellows here at the bar.
The barstool regulars know who you are. 
When you remove your jacket, revealing your chest,
it’s the general opinion, your bait is the best.

The only “rule” for a quadrille poem is that is has exactly 44 words, not counting the title. The prompt word was “troll.” Strangely enough, that prompt seemed to invade my next day 4-prompt posting as well.  Here’s that post:
https://judydykstrabrown.com/2019/03/26/trolls/

For the dVerse Poets Quadrille Prompt.

Showing up Late for Happy Hour at the Corner Cantina

Click on first photo to open slide show and enlarge all photos.

Showing Up Late for Happy Hour at the Corner Cantina

I’m late because of accidents and countless little slips
like toothpaste down my shirt front, hair caught in my zips
and a seat belt that was caught and wouldn’t span my hips.

So bring out all your arsenal—your bludgeons and your whips.
I deserve your censure, your curses and your yips.
Perhaps it is my fault that you’re in tequila’s grips!

By looking at the tablecloth and counting all the drips,
It seems that all the salsa’s not contacting your lips,
and all your margaritas aren’t winding up as sips.

I’m making the assumption you might need more chips,
and more salsa fresca and guacamole dips,

which means our busy waiter must make some extra trips.

He doesn’t seem amused by all your clever quips
which increase with the frequency of your little nips,

so I’m hoping the aforementioned will earn him larger tips!

The WordPress prompt today is assumption.

Compromising Situation (Shifting Stools at the Corner Bar)

The Compromising Situation
(Shifting Stools at the Corner Bar)

It’s true that every Friday night I frequent this same station
here at the last barstool–it’s my end-of-week vacation.
Yet, what is it about partaking in a small libation
that makes the person next to me begin a recitation
about each love affair and compromising situation?
Is it that I look like I must need an education
into their tawdry lifetime of mutual masturbation?

I do not come for gossip, confession or oration,
and so it has become a fact of no small perturbation
that someone sits down next to me and with no hesitation,
proceeds to tell crass tales of lust and its eradication:
stolen passion on the subway that must end at the next station,
tales of quick encounters, stories of a brief fellation
told in spite of what must be my obvious consternation.

I swear that I don’t come here for lascivious quotation—
one after another with no time for their gestation.
I live out my own love life with no need for titillation.
My libido’s fully functioning— no need for restoration.
I have no need of sharing it via barstool relation
that would bring no satisfaction and for sure bring no elation.
So, this is my ending statement. My final protestation.

I hereby call a stop to this and issue a citation
that whereby I’ve achieved a certain state of maturation,
I do not need these schoolboy tales, these means of palpitation.
Of all those dirty magazines, I’ve taken my fair ration,
but now that I’m an adult, I’ve completed my mutation.
So while you’re all caught up in your love life’s regurgitation,
 I’ll take this opportunity to alter my location!

The prompt today was compromise.

Bar Stool Brush-Off

 dsc00962

Writer’s Digest Prompt: Write a poem making use of at least three of these words: ghost, crack, free, hand, check, know. I used them all at least once.

Bar Stool Brush-Off

There’s not a ghost of a chance
that you’ll crack my code,
free-wheeling know-it-all
that you are.
But as your hand smooths
that errant strand of hair
back into its perfect place,
I’ll hand you this:
every time you check your reflection
in the mirror behind the bar,
it is clear no number of looks
will clue you in to yourself.

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/wednesday-poetry-prompts-368