Tag Archives: Comedy

Car Meets Wall: Fibs for Friday: July 21, 2023

Here are my answers to the words to define for Fibbing Friday, July 21, 2023:

  1. Fo-shizzle: The un-fo-tunate end to my housekeeper Yolanda’s first (and last) driving lesson—driving my car with me in the passenger seat.

  2. Crunk: Parking sound effect made during  Yolanda’s first/last driving lesson. (Said car having been parked head-on against a brick wall at a very rapid speed.)

  3. Booyah: My response once we had exited the car and saw that the car had in fact been totaled!!!

  4. Gnarly: Sound of an epithet expressed through gritted teeth.

  5. Outtie: How one could describe my wall  with a car (mine) jutting through it .

  6. Phat: Magnified one thousand times, the sound of a car hitting a brick wall.

  7. What’s Crackalackin? The sound of a shattered windshield as it releases and falls to the ground.

  8. Cowabunga: What I should have said instead of my actual statement as the car hit the wall.

  9. Ankle biters: A description of my teeth upon impact, before withdrawing them from where they’d come in contact with my lower leg.

  10. All that and a bag of chips. How I explained what was left of my wall after they’d removed the corpse of my car.

(No sympathy posts, please. This actually happened 3 years ago, so both the wall and I have recovered enough for me to laugh about it and be grateful neither of us was seriously injured, as you can see from the response above.)

Forgottenman’s Favorite Liberal Redneck Reacts to Yesterday

This is what Trae Crowder has to say about last night’s riotous debacle: (Click on link immediately below, not on the arrow.)

https://okcforgottenman.wordpress.com/2021/01/07/my-favorite-liberal-redneck-reacts-to-yesterday/

Thanks, Forgottenman, for sharing it

Friday Fun: Comic Cats

For Friday Fun: Comic

NaPoWriMo Day 19: Shell Game

Our prompt today was to take a look at a list of actual sea shell names and to use one or more of them to write a poem inspired by one or more of the names. This is the list of shell names:

 Snout Otter Clam, Strawberry Top, Sparse Dove, False Cup-and-Saucer, Leather Donax, Shuttlecock Volva,  Tricolor Niso, Triangular Nutmeg, Shoulderblade Sea Cat, Striped Engina, Woody Canoebubble, Ghastly Miter, Heavy Bonnet,Tuberculate Emarginula, Lazarus Jewel Box, Unequal Bittersweet, Atlantic Turkey Wig,Peruvian Hat, Incised Moon.

And of course, I had to do more than one.

Shell Game

The Snout Otter Clam
is considered quite glam
with its nose like a stoat
and it’s soggy fur coat.

A Strawberry Top
has a very fine mop,
but when you want to eat it
you need to delete it.

What’s that in your paw sir?
A False Cup-and-Saucer?
I grant it’s amusing
but not made for using.

The Sparse Dove’s so small
you can’t see it at all,
but its bill and its coo
will reveal it to you.

This Shoulderblade Sea Cat
could catch us that mouse
if his shoulders would fit
through the door of our house.

Triangular Nutmeg? A most handy spice
with remarkable flavor and shape that is nice
for additional reasons
than savory seasons.
It won’t roll from the table,
for it is not able.

The Shuttlecock Volva’s
reputation is shot
for a stay-at-home lover
it surely is not.
It goes back and forth
from love three to love four
‘Tis Country Club gossip
amounting to lore.

and now, for the grand finale:

“The” Ride

Dad bought me a Tricolor Niso
though I wanted a Porsche that’s black.
I didn’t know he could be so
gauche and just one of the pack.

The car’s top was green houndstooth vinyl.
It’s body was fuchsia and yellow.
My first ride in it was my final,
for I was a fashionable fellow.

I couldn’t be seen in this auto
lest my reputation be shot
I must explain that my motto
was always that “cool” could be bought.

The dashboard was made of puce plastic
the seats were all tufted and piped.
but what turned me finally spastic
was that the Engina was Striped!!!!

I crashed down the hood and I shouted,
“I cannot be seen in this car!”
Each rule of “sexy” it flouted.
This auto was waaaaay under par.

I sold it and purchased another
that’s top of its line, so they say
and though drive a Porche I’d druther,
I had to go another way.

From now on I’ll avoid all the highways
and go by the water instead.
Take all the rivers and byways
and follow my heart, not my head.

For I traded that abomination
for a top-of-the line that can float.
And the name of this lovely creation—
is the Woody Canoebubble boat!!!

 

NaPoWriMo, Day 10: Neo Burma-Shave Ads

Our prompt today was to write a poem advertising poetry.  The third one is not quite an ad, but it has the cadence.

Neo Burma-Shave Ads

Make your words
both scan and rhyme.
Writing poetry’s
not a crime!

Get a seed of thought
and sow it.
Once it grows,
you’ll be a poet!

Robert Frost at the Movies

Robert’s poems
scanned and rhymed.
His meter? Even
and well-timed.

Yet when he tripped
on slippery tile
and dropped his
poems in a pile,

the usher hissed
in tones most vile
to get his “feet”
out of the aisle!