Category Archives: Humor

Lover’s Spat

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Lover’s Spat.

When I said I didn’t miss you, I admit that I lied.
I didn’t get enough of you. I left unsatisfied.
If you, too, detect a movement in your stone cold heart,
perhaps you could begin with a phone call as a start.

I didn’t mean to say it. You didn’t mean to scream.
I’m willing to atone for it by any means you deem.
Breaking up is hard to do but staying mad is harder.
I spend way too much time in bed, too much time in my larder.

I’m gaining weight and losing hair, burst into tears repeatedly.
I fly off the handle and insult my friends most heatedly.
So I propose our meeting via taxi, boat or plane.
Our last tryst was insufficient. It didn’t heal the pain.

If you’ll come out of hiding, then I will do the same.
If you’ll agree to meet with me, I’ll even take the blame.
You’ll be right and I’ll be wrong. I’ll take the higher road.
The digs that I once took at you will produce the motherlode.

Prompt words for today were taxi, movement, propose and hide.

Over-automation

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Over-automation

The multifarious uses of all of her devices
led to manifold laziness and other slothful vices.
She never had to scramble to remember anything.
She only pushed a button and her troubles all took wing.
She had no special training. She eschewed an education,
for Alexa solved all problems with her handy automation—
turning on the TV set and opening the doors,
setting off the cleaning robots, expelling the boors,
reminding of vacations and birthdays and appointments,
disciplining naughty kids for lapses in deportments.
Alexa went to work for her and mapped out all her spreadsheets,
polished all her silverware and ironed out her bedsheets.
There was literally nothing that Alexa couldn’t do.
She cooked her children’s breakfasts and took them to the zoo.
Yet still she was suffused by fatigue and wan and thin.
No one could imagine the stress that she was in.
More and more she wound up with her stomach in a knot.
remembering the uses for devices that she’d got!

Prompt words today are knot, scramble, vacation and multifarious.

Full Makeup

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Full Makeup

As each wispy object she attaches to her face,
these extraneous objects seem somewhat out of place.
They flutter  from her eyelids like moths before the flame—
just the opening number in her makeup game.

As she smooths on her concealer, then powders over all,
she does not see me watching her out here in the hall.
Never does she hesitate. Brushes grow ever finer
as she patiently applies shadow and eye liner.

She does it all so expertly with such consistent flair,
then carefully begins to work to rearrange her hair.
A little mousse to set the curls, a little spray of mist
and she’s prepared a face that is ready to be kissed.

When she comes home, the hair is mussed, one eyelash is askew.
One eyelid seems to be of a slightly lighter hue.
Although her hairdo’s fallen, still her mood seems somewhat lighter.
Her lipstick gone, and yet somehow her color seems much brighter.

One little word transforms a girl to another realm.
Makes an unsure teenager the captain at the helm.
Just change “make up” to “make out” and her heart takes wing.
And woe to any parent who notices a thing!

Prompt words today were flair, hesitate, spray and extraneous.

 

Pilot Error

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Pilot Error

His vulgarity made her bashful,
his irreverence drew tears.
He had inadequate finesse
to soothe away her fears.
So though he wished to woo her,
in the end he failed.
When he tried to fly her to the moon,
his passenger just bailed.

Prompt words today are finesse, irreverent, vulgar and bashful.

Boomerang Boy: New Syndrome Defined––Grown-up Kids Who Won’t Leave Home

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Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on unsplash. Used with permission.

“In many countries, the phenomenon is so widespread that new terms have developed to describe it: bamboccioni [literally, big babies] in Italy, “hotel mama” in Germany, boomerang children in Australia, parasaito shinguru [single parasite] in Japan. These young men and women don’t leave home and don’t get married, because they only want to buy brand names and enjoy themselves and to live, as an ideology, at their parents’ expense. It’s nothing less than a pandemic.” https://www.haaretz.com/.premium-new-syndrome-grown-up-kids-who-stay-home-1.5336944

Boomerang Boy

If more interest charges he wishes to defray,
he needs to find a paying job without further delay.
He should at once take heed of my excellent advice
and give up on his former full-time job of shooting dice.

He might become a rose vendor, a troubadour or chef
or become the famous author of a roman a clef.
if only he would get a job, his parents would rejoice,
but, alas, sheer laziness is his career of choice,

The prompts today were rose, delay  and sacrifice.

A Duck Tale

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Duck Tale

He sits there on his little tail
maintaining he does not inhale,
but every time he deigns to speak
the smoke that issues from his beak
is not all that he’s taken in.
We tell him it’s a double sin
to fill his lungs with acrid smoke
and then to lie to all the folk.
We all know Little Duck’s too young
to mess with trachea and lung.
Those who take gambles respiratory
wind up with a tragic story.
But no duck I have ever known
will listen to his parents’ drone.
We take his privileges away,
but still he chooses to puff away.
We hide his fags and hide his lighter,
now and then pull an all-nighter
making sure he doesn’t smoke,
but once we’re gone, he takes a toke.
No matter what our perturbation,
we cannot stem his inhalation!

 

(If you’re not familiar with Little Duck, HERE is some backstory.)

The prompt word today is inhale.

Sinning

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Sinning

Out here at my grandpa’s farm, there isn’t any sinning.
We’re as innocent as Eve way back at the beginning
before original sin was born, decreed by the Almighty
and Eve was forced to don a fig leaf in lieu of a nightie.
As we kneel to milk the cows, we also kneel in prayer,
peeling all our sins away, layer after layer.
But I prefer to say Eve’s sin was merely hers alone.
I should get to do the sin for which I must atone!

 

Prompt words today are farm, kneel, almighty and original.

Confessions of Hatface

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Confessions of Hatface

My father calls me hatface because of my addiction
for wearing things upon my head because of my conviction
that I look prettier in hats or hairdos most original
to make me look exotic––French or Greek or aboriginal.

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I wear my cat under my arm, my socks upon my head.
Rather than be ordinary, I’d rather be dead.

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Sometimes I walk my rabbit. When he walks on his hind feet,
for sure, we’ve the attention of everyone we meet.
My rabbit sheds his rabbit skin and wears a shirt instead,
and me? I change my head socks and put bows upon my head.

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Our skin is very pliable. It stretches like Band-aids,
so Sis and I just pull it up in pretty little braids.

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In sunlight, flowers surprise me by sprouting from my head.
I never know what to expect when rising from my bed.

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I have two patron blackbirds perched one upon each shoulder.
They’d be perching on my head if they were any bolder.

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A bluebird doubles as my kite, the string held in its mouth.
Sometimes he flies me east or west, and sometimes we fly south.
I’m a very special girl. I’m not at all predictable––
a miracle that Jackie Hurlbert found me this depictable!

 

Thanks to Charmed Chaos for thinking up this picture prompt for dVerse Poets and to jackie Hurlbert for letting her use her beautiful paintings as prompts.  We were to choose one to write about, but I chose all of them. Click on her name to see more of her work.

Recluse

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Recluse

Like a rabbit in its burrow, you hide yourself away.
Do you frolic in the nighttime and obscure yourself all day?
How can you be so opposite of all the world’s routine?
What is it you are doing that you are so rarely seen?
I’d buy you an alarm clock if you think that it would aid
your efforts to return yourself to the daily parade.
My offer is not insincere. I’ll do what I must do
to try to spend some daylight hours with the likes of you!

Prompts today are rabbit, gratis and insincere .

Ballroom Intervention: Trod Upon Blues

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Ballroom Intervention:
Trod Upon Blues

This gratuitous violence that you insist is dancing
insures that there will definitely be no further prancing.
I don’t intend to be the victim of your future trodding.
My toes can’t take another night of your infernal plodding.
If you must sashay, my dear, I think it would be fine
if you took a few lessons to insure that you will shine
when next you ask a girl to dance, lest your skills depreciate
to a level where the least of us will not appreciate
your extended hand out to ask us for a dance.
I’m afraid not one of us is willing now to chance
damage to her Manolos, let alone her toes.
We’ll simply have to get along with more accomplished beaus.
So with most loving intentions, we’ve all chipped in to buy
a coupon for dance lessons for our favorite clumsy guy.
We hope that you will take it in the way that it’s intended,
and that you won’t be angry, downhearted or offended.
Please accept these lessons, dear. After just a few
instead of asking us to dance, we’ll be asking you!

 

 

Prompt words today are night, sashay, gratuitous and shine.

 

  1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted.
    “gratuitous violence”
    sinónimos: unjustified, without reason, uncalled for, unwarranted, unprovoked, undue; Más
  2. 2.
    given or done free of charge.