Category Archives: Humor

Uneducated Palate

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Uneducated Palate

I haven’t a fine palate. I barely can distinguish
between the different dishes that I’m given to extinguish.
I do not know a dumpling from a fancy knish.
I do not have an inkling of the different sorts of fish.
So if you’re short of delicacies and you have to skimp,
just dole me out some hot dogs and save your fancy shrimp
for someone who appreciates the difference between them,
for I am just a landlocked girl who’s never even seen them!

 

Today’s prompt words are distinguish and skimp. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/05/09/rdp-thursday-distinguish-distinguished/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/05/09/fowc-with-fandango-skimp/

Jackman and Jillian

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Jackman and Jillian

Jackman and Jillian ascended a height
because they were parched and required respite.
They possessed a flagon they desired to fill,
yet calamity transpired as they mounted the hill.
Jackman descended more quickly than planned,
Ruptured his cranium, fractured his hand,
rent his best raiment, untidied his hair,
while she also swooped downward on her derriere.

 

After reading my poem that parodied pretentious words today and writing her own, Christine Goodnough challenged me to write a poem parodying pretentious language.  Can’t refuse a challenge, so. . . .

(See our earlier poems by clicking on links above.)

Mac and Cheese

21 Replies
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I dedicate this poem to my ultimate chef friends Dolly
and Gordon, hard as it may be for them to bear.

Mac and Cheese

“Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat; stir in flour, salt, and pepper until smooth, about 5 minutes. Slowly pour milk into butter-flour mixture while continuously stirring until mixture is smooth and bubbling, about 5 minutes. Add Cheddar cheese to milk mixture and stir until cheese is melted, 2 to 4 minutes.”

I found the recipe on my Mac
for noodles swathed in creamy Jack.
I bought the cheese. Grated it up,
dreaming of when I would sup.
I was tenacious with the grater.
Nobody holds a cheese block straighter!
And I was forthright in each thrust,
for tiny cheese curls are a must.

I mixed the flour in melted butter,
watched the whole mess spit and sputter.
Added pepper, salt and flour.
Stirred for what seemed like an hour.
Added the milk in rapid whirls,
and then poured in the cheesy curls.
Round and and round and round it went.
Turned down the stove, turned on the vent.

Boiled the noodles until tender.
Then, when it was time to render
cheese to noodles, asked my crony
just to drain the macaroni.
But, as he was headed back,
his arm collided with my Mac,
flipping it into the cheese
with such artistry and ease

that for a moment it looked to me
as part of the whole recipe.
But cheese on Mac of Apple kind
is not quite what I had in mind.
My Mac expired in smoke and sparking.
Dogs ran in with joyful barking
to lap up congealing cheese
from counter, stove front, floor and knees.

Cheese, computer, pan and noodle—
I tossed the whole kit and kaboodle
out the window into the grass
where dogs and cats and ants en masse
ate their fill until they popped,
while I wiped and scoured and mopped.
(I doubt that you could find my match
at scrubbing up a cheesy patch.)

But if you need a recipe
for Mac and Cheese, don’t count on me.
Though boiling noodles I learned by heart,
I fear I flunked the whole “Mac” part.


Prompt words were match, forthright, tenacious and noodle. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/05/07/rdp-tuesday-match/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/05/07/fowc-with-fandango-forthright/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/05/07/your-daily-word-prompt-tenacious-may-7-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/05/07/noodle/

Oddball

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Oddball

You don’t follow instructions. You will do as you may.
No matter what the plan, you always had another way.
No one could ever force you to form an even line.
You’d veer this way or that way and say that it was fine.
You waged a constant battle and staged a constant fight,
as though causing dissension was your main delight.
But it the end, it turns out that the others were the fools,
for they’ve labeled you a genius and are following your rules!

 

The words of the day are may, battle, force and delight. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/05/04/rdp-saturday-may/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/05/04/fowc-with-fandango-battle/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/05/04/your-daily-word-prompt-force-may-4-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/05/04/delight/

The Bread Train

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The Bread Train

When you hop aboard the bread train, there’s no negotiation.
Folks aboard the bread train become a congregation.
It’s a happy wagon. a life-fulfilling ride.
Everything comes easy when you are inside.
Don’t bother about lowlifes who wait along the tracks.
You can’t be responsible for everybody’s backs.

This trip through life is better if you have some dough.
These folks who have an easy ride everywhere they go?
That there may be enough for all is what they do not know.
They want no interference with the status quo.
If folks don’t have what they do, it’s just because they’re lazy.
Those who think the bread train crowd will feed them are just crazy!

Every riff-raff wannabe can’t have what he wants.
If he can’t afford the bread train, let him eat croissants!!

 

And, another kind of bread train…

 

Prompt words today are bread, wagon, negotiation and trip. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/30/rdp-tuesday-bread/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/04/30/fowc-with-fandango-wagon/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/30/your-daily-word-prompt-negotiation-april-30-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/30/trip/

Hunters and Gatherers

12 Replies

Hunters and Gatherers

Each animal survives because of some unique ability.
The chipmunk gets along in life because of its nimbility.
It scampers over rocks and logs with speed and grace and pluck
to grab up errant picnic crumbs (on days when it’s in luck.)

Lions live by tooth and claw and speed to hunt their prey.
Cows just use their molars to masticate their hay.
Incisors furnish beavers with foliage and bark.
Raccoons have larger eyes than us for hunting in the dark.

If food in lofty places is what monkeys desire,
they can use prehensile thumbs to journey ever higher,
but an elephant’s long trunk can help him reach what he may please
obviating his necessity to climb up trees.

Humans , however, do not need  trunks or speed or climbing.
They do not need agility or viciousness or timing.
They have no need to wait in hiding by some water hole.
They simply use their money to buy  filet of sole!

 

Today’s prompt words are nimble, obviate, desire and money. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/29/rdp-monday-nimble/
FOWC with Fandango — Obviate
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/29/your-daily-word-prompt-desire-april-29-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/29/money/

Urban Princess

13 Replies

Urban Princess

Those bucolic pleasures such as sleeping in a tent
are clearly not the pleasures for which this girl was meant.
I prefer my pleasures slightly more urbane.
Cooking over campfires? Definitely insane.
I find it most peculiar— this sleeping in the sticks—
where there are bears and badgers and mosquitos and ticks!
If life is a tapestry composed of warp and weave,
the warped part would be country life, I’m given to believe.
I represent the city scene. That is where I belong,
so If your plans include the countryside, I shall not go along.
Picnics? They’re for peasants. This sitting in the grass
with merely a thin blanket to separate your ass
from the dirt and ants and briars , friend, just isn’t me.
I prefer a terrace floor complete with canopy!
That’s the extent of sylvan pleasures that I’m content to try,
so if vacation plans are rural, I beg—just pass me by!

 

Disclaimer: This is an assumed personality, dear readers. I used to love camping and I’m not averse to cooking over a campfire or, if given a hand up afterwards, to sitting in the grass.

Prompt words today are warp, bucolic, represent and peculiar. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/28/ragtag-sunday-warp/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/04/28/fowc-with-fandango-bucolic/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/28/your-daily-word-prompt-represent-april-28-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/28/peculiar/

Premature Departure

23 Replies

Premature Departure

In this lackluster party,
even the guacamole’s gray!
It’s not the proper ending
to an equally dull day.

The secret of good parties
lies within their zing.
Who enjoys a party
that never quite takes wing?

The soda pop has all gone flat,
The wine being decanted?
Everyone who tasted it
thereafter soon recanted.

From this dreadful party,
we all beg prompt respite.
What could possibly happen
to address our stressful plight?

I’ve wasted this new outfit
that makes me look so thin,
for it’s identical to one
 our party giver’s in!!

The music is all polkas
and the orchestra’s off-key.
What will be the next disaster?
I cannot bear to see.

I see that last thought’s irony
as I flick off the light,
grab my coat, slip out the door,
and vanish in the night.


The prompt words today are identical, respite, lies and lackluster. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/27/rdp-saturday-identical/
FOWC with Fandango — Respite
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/27/your-daily-word-prompt-lies-april-27-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/27/lacklustre/

Well-Timed Adoration

6 Replies

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Well-timed  Adoration

You’re such a marvelous beauty. I worship at your feet.
You’re the most gorgeous woman of any that I meet.
Every day I see you on my usual rounds
around this graceful city where beauty so abounds.
And now my lovely lady, would you find me rash
if I asked if you could spare a little cash?

 

Prompt words for today are rash, lady, worship and marvelous. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/26/rdp-friday-rash/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/04/26/fowc-with-fandango-lady/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/26/your-daily-word-prompt-worship-april-26-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/26/marvelous/

Early Bird

4 Replies

Early Bird

The party got much better right after you walked out.
You would have really liked it, I can say without a doubt.
The cornucopia of desserts you brought was a definite hit,
but as we enjoyed its bounty, we wished you hadn’t split.

The baby took his first step and Grandma came alive
as though for this Thanksgiving, her memory she’d revive.
Cousin Shirley was a panic and the kids performed a play—
the whole family there to see it (if you had chosen to stay.)

So, the freeway was in gridlock from five o’clock to eight?
Negotiating lane changes was hurry up and wait?
By the time the party ended, traffic was flowing freely.
Uncle Arthur breezed right by us in his classic Austin Healey!

Everyone got home okay. We were in bed by nine—
about the same time you got home from waiting in that line.
Hearing old family stories may not be your favorite thing,
but versus overheated engines, they have a certain zing.

Splitting out on family may not be a  crime,
but did leaving three hours early save you any time?
When you’re in the biggest hurry, you’re  most frequently delayed.
You might have gotten home faster if only you had stayed!

 

Word prompts today are cornucopia, hurry, negotiate and delayed. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/25/rdp-thursday-cornucopia/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/04/25/fowc-with-fandango-hurry/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/25/your-daily-word-prompt-negotiate-april-25-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/24/delayed/