Category Archives: Humor

Extreme Retirement

15 Replies

Extreme Retirement

My daydreams lack a focus. They float by like a cloud.
It is as though much logic is simply not allowed.
Should plans besmirch my reverie, I’m sure to blot them out,
for my thoughts are vagabonds—aimless, without a doubt.
A mortarboard and tassel lurk far within my past,
and I fear the plans they made simply didn’t last
I lie here in my lounge chair, getting too much sun.
I should  raise the umbrella, for sunburn is no fun,
but I cannot stir myself. I’m simply far too lazy.
Retirement would be easier if all the skies were hazy!

 

Prompt words today are tassel, blot, focus and besmirch. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/rdp-tuesday-tassel/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/19/fowc-with-fandango-blot/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/focus/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/your-daily-word-prompt-besmirch-march-19-2019/

Dumbing Down

5 Replies

photo from Rolling Stone

Dumbing Down

I bailed on calculus but I excelled at long division.
Illustrious in wood shop, I flunked nuclear fission.
Knights in suits of armor were never quite my thing.
I never learned to play an instrument. I do not sing.

My illustrious school career came by fits and starts.
Loved auto mechanics. Couldn’t hack the arts.
I admit I’m not well-rounded. I studied what I liked,
and after school was over, I skateboarded and biked.

I never was a bookworm. I had no use for culture.
I had no fear of teachers who hovered like a vulture.
A comic book inside a textbook made for pleasant reading.
I only paid attention to what I would be needing.

The same is true now that I’m grown. I skip over the news.
I have no need of knowing  about Arabs, Serbs or Jews.
I fixate on my own needs. I can’t bother with the rest.
I read enough to pay my bills and pass my driver’s test.

What more is necessary? I have TV and my phone.
When I am ensconced in them, the world leaves me alone.
I’m tired of ecology and its boring explaining,
so voted for a president who is more entertaining.

Now that news is comedy, it holds my interest well.
Who believes those scientists who ring the warning bell?
When the air’s too bad to breathe, I’ll simply stay inside
watching news on Stuppid  that is more bona fide.

(Click on the Stuppid URL for a list and description of “fake news” news sources and some of the biggest disinformation posts.  Chilling. )

Prompt words today were bail, division, illustrious and armor.
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/17/rdp-sunday-bail/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/17/fowc-with-fandango-division/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/16/illustrious/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/17/your-daily-word-prompt-armor-march-17-2019/

Her Highness Contemplates a Seemly End

15 Replies

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Her Highness Contemplates A Seemly End

Nobility in dying is something I shan’t botch,
for I know it shall be one that the whole wide world will watch.
I cannot go by fire, for I’m sure I would be screaming
as the water quenched the fire and set my flesh to steaming.

So unseemly and so crass. I’d find it unappealing.
So, too, a rope around my neck, hanging from the ceiling.
Jumping from a roof won’t do. Nor will a gun nor pills.
Every sort of suicide just sports too many ills.

It’s clear that death by avalanche is the only one
that will really suit me when the day is done.
A certain swift clean fall of snow seems such a pristine death.
A queenly mode of dying. Such a regal final breath!

photo by Greg Daines, Unsplash  Today’s prompt words are avalanche, watch, nobility and fire. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/rdp-friday-avalanche/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/08/fowc-with-fandango-watch/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/your-daily-word-prompt-nobility-march-8-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/fire/

Family Roster

5 Replies

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Family Roster

I wonder, did you ever know
that the mighty buffalo
and the bison (but not the sow)
are qualified to join the cow
as animals that we opine
should be listed as bovine?

Goats and sheep are also cast
as Bovindae, as is the last
animal in this family,
which is the oxen. So you see
all the animals the cow
shares its family name with now!

 

The prompt word, of course, was bovine!
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/06/bovine/

Made Over

7 Replies

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Made Over

Back when we were fragile and our love was first on trial,
I was seeking to enchant you with trickery and guile.
I feared that final reckoning when one day you’d wake up
before I had the chance to do my hair and my makeup.

My mental alarm clock never seemed to fail.
I’d haul me to the bathroom, looking snarled and pale—
smooth my hair and draw the me you knew upon my face,
until the real me was obscured—vanished without a trace.

How many years did I go on with that sad charade,
trying to restore in me what nature chose to fade?

Now that all I am is finally written on my face
with lines and wrinkles scored so deep that you can easily trace
all of my imperfections, what a wonder that you see
what you describe as beauty in this face that’s only me!

 

Prompt words today are trial, reckoning, enchant and fragile. Links below.
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/rdp-sunday-trial/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/03/fowc-with-fandango-reckoning/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/your-daily-word-prompt-enchant-march-3-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/fragile/

Transmogrification

6 Replies

 

Transmogrification

Time marches on. It has no instinct to appease.
It will not stop for anything. It has no need to please.
Young  girls who start out radiant eventually dim.
Dreams  that were fantastical turn nightmarish and grim.
Aging is a truth of life that can’t be circumvented.
It  seems we do not own our lives. They simply have been rented.
One day the lease will lapse on them and we’ll have to go
back into the vapors to join the ebb and flow.
That’s how nature plans it. We cannot break the chain.
Our only hope is being recycled again.

 

Prompt words today are march, radiant, fantastical and appease. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/01/rdp-friday-march/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/01/fowc-with-fandango-radiant/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/01/your-daily-word-prompt-fantastical-march-1-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/01/appease/

What’s Wrong with Your Mom?

7 Replies

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What’s Wrong with Your Mom?

My husband’s language is so curt that lately I’ve been wondering
if these moody epithets that he has been thundering
have anything at all to do with my consistent blundering.

Ashtrays in the ice box and ice cubes in a puddle
on the shelf where glasses go? I fear I’m in a muddle.
I see him with the children, over there in a big huddle.

Now and then, they look at me. I think they are suspicious.
It’s me they are discussing, and their looks are not auspicious.
But still they feel that questioning me would not be judicious.

Why don’t they remember that  I’ve been this way before
exactly three times in the past, and this is number four?
By now I am surprised it hasn’t become family lore

that mother always gets this way during a certain time
when thinking gets confusing and moods turn on a dime,
but in the end it’s worth it as the outcome is sublime!

It seems I cannot  count on them to interpret the clues,
so I think that it is time that I give them all the news
that will solve the puzzle and resolve Daddy’s blues.

They see me coming towards them and it looks like they might scatter,
but they realign their faces as though nothing is the matter
until they hear these words that I contribute to their chatter:

“The secret that I’ve kept from you is worrying as a blister.
This surprise that I’m carrying might be our first young mister,
although I know you would not mind if it were a fourth sister!”

 

Prompt words today are language, puddle, auspicious and wondering. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/02/27/rdp-wednesday-language/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/02/27/fowc-with-fandango-puddle/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/27/your-daily-word-prompt-auspicious-february-27-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/02/27/wondering/

Baker’s Dozen

38 Replies

 

A dozen fatal flaws forgiven seems to be a fair number to allot to anyone. It’s that thirteenth misdeed that is unforgivable!

Baker’s Dozen

(Only So Much Forgiveness to Go Around)

I forgive you for hogging the covers
and eating the last cookie, too.
I forgive you for doing the crossword
that I was intending to do.

I forgive you for all of the dogs you brought home
that you’ve never walked even once
and for donating genes to our children
that turned them each into a dunce.

I don’t mind your poker night forays
or the damage you do to my car,
or the fact that your minimal salary
really can’t stretch very far.

Your spare tires and the fact that you’re balding
really don’t bother me much.
I’ve grown used to your slobbery kisses,
and the foreplay no more than a clutch.

But there’s one thing that you always do, dear,
that rouses my most  primal scream,
for I had made plans for a tryst with
that last pint of chocolate ice cream!

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For dVerse Poets, Forgiveness.

The Heel

9 Replies

The Heel

Rumors are abroad that you don’t know how to act.
You like to dig the needle in and haven’t any tact.
If you don’t reverse your ways and learn to get along—
if you stubbornly refuse to right your recent wrong—
I won’t be held responsible for trying once again
to cover up your misdeeds and atone for your sin.
For once you’ll have to face up to your social gaffes—
your misogynistic humor and  inappropriate laughs.
When you’re lying bruised and bloody, helpless on the floor,
you’ll finally discover what high heels are really for!!!

 

Prompt words today wre needle, reverse, abroad and act. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/02/25/rdp-monday-needle/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/02/25/fowc-with-fandango-reverse/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/25/your-daily-word-prompt-abroad-february-25-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/02/25/act/

Dire Straits

4 Replies

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Dire Straits

It pays to keep a watchful eye out when you are ecstatic,
for it is a given that’s  rather automatic
that you’ll attract a follower who’s overly phlegmatic
who’ll try to bring you down to earth by means rather emphatic.
Every time they visit you, it’s sure to be traumatic.
They’ll wring that joy right out of you, replace your thrill with static.
You can’t escape their diatribes for they are most dogmatic.
They’ll suck away your air until you’ll swear you are asthmatic.
In your efforts to avoid them , you’ll grow ever  more erratic.
You’ll hide out in the basement or may turn acrobatic—
swinging from the treetops to climb up in the attic.
When meeting them in public, you might choose a plan dramatic
and douse yourself with perfume until you’re so aromatic
that they might find approaching you a bit too problematic.
All-in-all, my friend, I would advise you be pragmatic
and devise a strategy that’s idiosyncratic,
for there are times in life when we must be melodramatic!

 

https://fivedotoh.com/2019/02/24/fowc-with-fandango-ecstatic/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/24/your-daily-word-prompt-watchful-february-24-2019/