Tag Archives: silly poem

Broadband Controversy

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Broadband Controversy

When he formed his “Broadband,” he wanted them all girly:
ruffles and boutique lace, and he wanted their hair curly.
But I fear that what he named them is a bit passé,
for no one ever calls a girl a “broad” today.

Still, he liked the name and said he would not cave
and make use of modern lingo, so the name he gave
remained in use as east and west they traveled on their tours.
Those shiny broads continued their bills and coos and purrs,

bravely enduring catcalls and pickets from their sisters
who proclaimed real women did not cave in to misters
who use insulting language like battle-ax, broad and bitch,
bimbo, bird and arm-candy, sheila, chick and witch.

An “all-girl” band’s acceptable, at least was in the past,
but women’s lib participants hope this band will not last.
Their music’s great and expressed according to their nature.
Too bad a guy decided on their clothes and nomenclature.

 

Prompts for today are shine, broadband, boutique, east and brave. Image by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash.

A Canine Lover’s Creed

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A Canine Lover’s Creed

My love is ambidextrous, dispensed by either hand,
dished out in two varieties: dried kibble or in canned.
Bestowed in pats and scratchings on tummies or on ears,
never controversial and never in arrears.

I am love’s first ambassador, affection’s main dispenser.
No love is deeper, wider, or more heartfelt or denser.
Whether sleeping, eating, playing or in any other guise,
I admire thee from wagging tail to thy chalcedony eyes.

I promise to protect thee from draft or snow or rain,
to deliver thee from hunger, thirst, distress and pain.
I’ll be grateful acceptor of your leaps and licks and chewings,
of all your puppy excesses and your destructive doings.

All that I ask you in return is that you love me, too,
and express that love by going outside to pee and poo!!!!

Prompt words are chalcedony, ambidextrous, ambassador, draft and controversial.

2022
Then his shoe
Caught in the act
Distracting the Masseur
No respect for mone
Bye-bye Forgottenman’s childhood photo

Click on photos to enlarge.

Another Class Reunion

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Another Class Reunion

The housewife and her classmates have staged a small reunion
to munch and drink but mainly talk—an annual communion
wherein they build a campfire and the drunker that they get
the more that they tell stories they’re afraid that they’ll forget
if they don’t repeat them yearly, so they tell them to their spouses,
who, I must admit, wish they’d remained home in their houses.
Yet, most don’t blame their loved ones for their memories of the past,
although they know they’ll hear them for as long as memories last.
They are ambassadors of patience as they hear each tale again,
about the wild and zany things their spouse did way back when. 

 

I’ll be going back to my class reunion/ town reunion in less than two weeks, but alas, with no spouse in tow. Stretching the truth a bit above. They only occur every 5 years and actually not that much drinking goes on. Poetic license, you know. The photos are, however, from  my town and class reunions of the past.

 

Prompts today are: classmates, housewife, munch, ambassador, blame and campfire.

Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

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Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

Unearthly nutrition is on its last legs.
How often have you been served deviled eggs?
Ambrosia they say was the food of the gods,
but to be served it now? Just what are the odds?
And only when faith causes us to unleaven
are we ever gifted with mana from heaven.
Heavenly hash and devil’s food cake
are dishes that only a cougar would make
to lure her young lover into her lair.
Wherein she’d seduce him with her angel hair
pasta to help him to bolster his energy—
her clever plot to improve their synergy!
But, if you’d like to start a new trend, 
by reprising old recipes, then read on, friend.
A *karma cocktail or a **devil’s brew?
Now and then it won’t hurt you to have one or two.

*A karma cocktail is made with Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, Triple Sec, Orange Juice, and Lemon Lime Soda!

To make a**devil’s brew : In a shaking glass, add vodka, triple sec, melon liqueur, peach schnapps and lime juice. Shake well. 3. Gently add ice to serving glass and strain mix over before layering ever clear on top and lighting.
Prompt words today are unearthly, nutrition, cougar, rally and clever.

Birth of a Couch Potato

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Birth of a Couch Potato

The crush of humanity, swell of the crowd,
demands a new edict. No  pushing allowed.
Thus turning the scene a tad melancholy,
whereas in the past it had been pretty jolly.

The policy depended, primarily, on shaming
certain well-known revelers I won’t be naming,
by branding them careless , ill-mannered and rude
and other crass labels that I won’t include.

Suffice it to say that this official labeling
contributed much to their social disabling.
Now they sit home getting flaccid and flabby,
watching old episodes of Downton Abbey.

.

Prompts for today are crush, swell, shaming, flabby, policy and melancholy .
Image by Eric Mclean on Unsplash

Tourist Trap

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Tourist Trap

“Any gremlins hereabout?” a tiny woman queried,
inspecting piles of autumn leaves for any bodies buried.
I’d feared she was a tenderfoot when she had signed up
for this Halloween adventure, but I evilly quipped, “Yup.”
Every freckle popped out as her face blanched to pure white
and her muscles tensed up to prepare for fight or flight.
She surveyed every shadow on the path that led us up
to the haunted mansion where the group of us would sup.
The scene was dark and moonlit and the shadows all reached out.
A most effective scary atmosphere, without a doubt.
The spooky creaking of the door as we reached the house
was echoed by the squeaking of every resident mouse.
The furniture was draped with ghostly sheets covered with dust,
and every metal object wore a crumbling scab of rust.
Eerie portraits on the wall. Thick drapery that soon
we’d draw back so the diners could view a harvest moon
as they supped on boiling cauldrons of steaming witches’ stew
and rich red wine in lieu of blood would simply have to do.
What is it about Halloween that makes folks crave a scare
so much that they would pay us to bring them to this lair?
Mortals are so gullible, and now the time draws near
when they’ll become the spirits who’ll conduct the tour next year!

 

Prompts today are tenderfoot, scene, gremlin, hereabouts, freckle and furniture. The photo is of the Lord Crewe Arms in Scotland, an abbey built in the 12th century and later turned into a hotel. My mother and I slept in its haunted room overlooking the graveyard in 1985. If you want to hear what happened, go HERE.

Bride’s First Meal

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Bride’s First Meal

It was a layered casserole of maize and squash and beans
whose contents were indigenous and well within her means.
She blanched and drained and layered in a metal pan.
She followed all directions and plotted out each plan.

Dabbing on her favorite essence, she donned his favorite dress.
With the front door open, she didn’t have to guess
when he was walking up the lane and so she would be able
to greet him with a soulful kiss and dinner on the table.

But, her first endeavor which she’d hoped would be delicious,
in fact was not ambrosial, but instead pernicious.
It seemed as though the entire dish might be having troubles
as it rose above its boundaries with ominous pops and bubbles.

In short,

These were the things that went amiss
after his entrance and their kiss.
She rued the day that dish was born.
The squash was tough, as was the corn.

Instead they went to Burger King
and ordered one of everything,
came on home and gorged on it,
so their first meal was quite a hit.

She pitched her failed attempt within
a nearby waiting rubbish bin.
She was smart and so good looking.
He didn’t wed her for her cooking.

 

Prompt words today are ambrosial, endeavor, indigenous, essence, metal and lane.

Familial Disapproval

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Familial Disapproval

When he swears when the champagne cork hits him in the eye,
my brother’s new fiancee utters a “My, my!”
then swipes the bubbles from her upper lip with  polite tongue.
(She’s squeamish about swear words and she calls the cork a “bung.”)

Her brow furls with referrals to anything unsavory.
(She prefers her history minus genocide or slavery.)
“If you can’t say something good, then don’t say anything at all.”
she says, and then says little but “Oh, really?” and “Y’all!!!”

She’s a proper southern girl with mild disposition.
She would not think to put you out or cause an imposition,
yet when I ask if she is hungry, she admits, “Yes, just a bit,”
and when I put the tea cake out, she eats three-fourths of it!

She never wastes her precious time when visiting by sitting
and conversing with the family. Instead, she brings her knitting,
and bottom lip between her teeth, she counts her knit and pearling.
concentrating on her knitting needles’ rhythmic twirling. 

You might surmise she’s not my favorite, or second, third or fourth
girlfriend he has brought home from East and West and North.
This Southern girl sticks in my craw, I just cannot get used to her.
And you can bet I’m dreading the day my bro’ gets fused to her.

Prompt words on this Solstice morning are: hunger, disposition, squeamish, bung, referral and knitting.

A Cherry Perfect Birthday

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A Cherry Perfect Birthday

Tomorrow we will celebrate my sixth year jubilee
with a little party just for my family.
Grandma’s going to catentate
cherries and lard and flour
and add a bit of sugar to make the fruit less sour,
then proceed to put it in the oven to cook up
into my favorite cherry pie upon which we will sup.
Thus will fruit and grain and fat conspire to create
a birthday treat the thoughts of which make me salivate.
Birds may like cherries in the wild directly off the tree,
but baked into my grandma’s pie tastes way better to me!!!!

Prompts for today are: jubilee, proceed, pastry, catenate (to join together), bird and grain.

Miss Cleanjeans

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Miss Cleanjeans

I love I love I love I love my boyfriend’s laundromat.
My clothes go in so dirty and come out looking pat.
You might find it lamentable that I do not pay.
I promise that I’ve tried to, but he says “No way!”
I’m timid as a lemur, so I do not protest.
In all of these matters, I know that he knows best.
Part of my lovey-doveyness is that I must concur
with everything he says or does, for I am so demure
that I can’t launch objections to anything he does.
My very simple reason? I can’t do it “because.”

 

 

For this week’s prompt, the letter is “L.”
Place – laundromat
Emotion – lovey-doveyness
Adjective – lamentable
Verb – launch
Animal – lemur

For A Letter A Week Prompt