Category Archives: Humor

Lullaby and Good Night

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I’m lying flat on my back in bed with my computer on my stomach between us, so couldn’t see this  little girl but could feel her using the space between my legs as a cradle. So comfy!!!! I held the phone up in the air over the open computer to catch this shot. She looks pretty comfy. No fear she’ll roll over in her sleep by mistake with my legs as a snug frame.

I actually do sing her lullabies to calm her down. Usually in the car. I sing one my dad used to sing full voice to his first grandchild. “Oh Cindy play the big bass drum, BOOM,BOOM,BOOM! Her (sic) say “I hope that the war won’t come, BOOM,BOOM,BOOM! Now I’m not frightened as you may understand, but if I’m called to fight for my land, I wanna be able to play in the band. BOOM,BOOM,BOOM!”

I sing it  with “Zoe” substituted for “Cindy” and VERY LOUD as he did to still her cries and it works with little girl dogs as it did with a little girl baby, but even though the windows are rolled up tight, I’m sure it can be heard from outside and I wonder what passersby are thinking. Sometimes I switch to “Rockabye Zoe up in the treetops” at a lower volume when I have to stop at lights.

 

Speak, Boy!!!!

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A Too-Modest Proposal

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A Too-Modest Proposal

Even though your offer is accompanied by a gift,
I think it’s fairly certain an acceptance won’t be swift.
Your statement is made bluntly without obvious affection,
as though you’re in a restaurant ordering a confection.

You’ve made a conscious effort to be proper and polite,
yet there’s naught in your proposal calculated to excite.
If you have hopes for any love affair to start,
it’s clear you need a lesson in opening your heart.

Prompt words today are acceptance, swift, statement, conscious and offer. Image by Ospan Ali on Unsplash.

Cruel Fate

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Cruel Fate

If you want aggravation, she’s a candidate for giving it.
If you have a seat picked out, it’s sure to be the place she’ll sit.
Encroaching on your comfort is how she gets her kicks.
Any plans that you suggest, for sure are ones she’ll nix.

She’ll likely raise your dander, whatever choice of topic.
Her taste in politics and art? Impossibly myopic!
And if you harbor any hopes that you won’t have to see her,
you can blame cruel fate that your next blind date will be her!

 

Prompt words today are harbor, raise, aggravation, encroach and candidate. Image by Obie Fernandez on Unsplash.

Zoe the Despoiler

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Zoe the Despoiler

My little canine daughter is inimitably bold.
She cannot be deterred by a censure or a scold.
When her goal is purloined plastic bags or Yolanda’s mop,
it does no good to tell her that it’s time for her to stop.
She browses for the perfect thing for her to steal,
then if it seems it will not make a satisfying meal,
it might be good for chewing, so she’ll add it to her stash.
Not one of us is equal to her thirty meter dash.
She thrives on such purloining. Can we blame it on her age?
With luck, it’s a preliminary temporary stage!!!

Prompts today are inimitable, little, browse, thrive and daughter. Just like any toys that make their way out of her bed, Zoe was intent on dragging her new mop toy back to her favorite place of repose.

 

Stealing plastic bags
Dragging the mop from the kitchen to where it belongs–her bed.

 Click on photos to enlarge.

Unlucky Tens

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Unlucky Tens

Who knows if we will die or if we thrive?
If we are meant for Heaven or for Hell?
For though we flourish at full fathoms five,
ten fathoms deep they ring our funeral bell.
Nine penny, ten a penny, roll the dice.
Loan me ten dollars, ’cause I’m feeling hot.
If I roll only once or I roll twice,
will I throw me a snake eyes? I think not.
And ten little Indians never will
pluck a tail feather of a whippoorwill!

 

For dVerse Poets “Ten” Poem We were to write a poem of ten lines with ten syllables per line and an ababcdcd ee rhyme scheme. HERE is the link for that prompt. The link to read other poems for the prompt is given above. Image by Timo Müller on Unsplash.

Doggie Downers and Puppy Uppers

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I was talking to Forgottenman about Zoe’s latest antics which I won’t bore you with, but he referred me to this old Saturday Night Live sketch. Ha!

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/puppy-uppers-doggie-downers/3004208

Zoe’s Revenge

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When last we saw Zoe, she was sulking in her crate because I’d given her a flea bath. She finally supposedly forgave me and came in for a cuddle as I was about to put her out in her secure little outside area while I went to town for an appointment. “If I leave you in the house, will you go outside to pee and poo?” I asked her, and she gave me her best innocent-eyed nod of the head, but when I went into the hall, I saw that she’d already peed in the corner. As I mopped up the puddle with toilet paper and reached for the Clorox, she grabbed the wad of urine-soaked tissue and RAN! Fast. I chased her though the living room, dining room and kitchen and finally had to wedge her mouth open with my fingers to get possession of the tissue, but a small wad remained in her mouth. I forced her mouth open and got it only to have her seize the big wad again and make off again for the bedroom with it. I finally caught up with her halfway to her destination and luckily the phone/camera was nearby. Naughty Girl!!! I finally regained control of the whole stinky mess. I guess I’m not forgiven. I think she’ll go to her outside kennel now.

Misnomers

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The prompt words I use each day are taken from five different blogs. To see the sites, click on each prompt word, which is linked to the blog that suggested it.  Words for the day are: brindle, infatuated, obelus, summit.  An obelus is a division sign, by the way. I didn’t know that, either, a fact that gave birth to the below poem:

Misnomers

An obelus should be a globe, a bubble or a ball.
rounded and continuous, uniting one and all,
not something that divides us and splits us into parts.
It’s clear the one who coined the word is lacking in their smarts.

Infatuated should mean thin and brindle should mean flinch.
Summit should mean more or less. I will not yield an inch.
Words should have meanings like their sounds  lest ignorant souls abuse them.
Until they do, bet on the fact that I will never use them!!!

 

Image by Simone Secci on Unsplash.

Miss Effie’s Tinder Bio

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Miss Effie’s Tinder Bio

I am far too wholesome to do anything shady.
I am an upright, straight-laced and morally pure lady.
I’m a domestic goddess, occasionally girlish,
who does not appreciate behavior that is churlish.

A knight in shining armor is what I hold out for,
I do not want just any man. I’m holding out for more.
If he would come along real soon, I think it would be nifty,
for I’d prefer my nuptials to occur before I’m fifty.

Prompt words today are wholesome, shady, occasion, churl, domestic. Image  and retablo by jdb.