Category Archives: Humor

Pawn

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Pawn

Like a lamb led to the slaughter in this burgeoning situation,
I’ll load me up into my car and head out toward the station
of a drive-up clinic to allow a medic guy
to stick a Q-tip up my nose to see if I can fly.

Just another fun-filled day in a year of situations
that have not included gatherings or tropical vacations.
But now I find I’m breaking this year of solitary
to fly up to the states for shots, and am I worried? Very.

Nonetheless, my lot is cast, my sis purchased my ticket
and though I have a hunch it is the proverbial sticky wicket,
I’m flying off to Phoenix to spend a month or so,
even though a part of me says I shouldn’t go.

Yet another part of me says it will be fun
to see my sister once again. When all is said and done,
One choice or the other, they both have pros and cons,
and once again I feel that we’re fate’s complicit pawns.

 

Prompt words today are lamb, solitary, statue, burgeon and situation.

Ode to My Doctor, Who Has Done Little to Curry My Favor

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Ode to My Doctor, Who Has Done Little to Curry My Favor

Each of these foods you suggest for my diet
has not one feature to urge me to try it.
The chard is too leafy, the kale makes me gag.
I will be affianced to naught in this bag.

This fluffy green spinach would be best in a dip
with sour cream and onions and served on a chip.
I have not one vestige of an urge to consume it
raw in a salad, so do not assume it

will ever pass lips as selective as mine.
I need carbohydrates and meat when I dine.
Do you get the message that I’m on the outs
with arugula, collard greens, beet greens and sprouts?

My palate’s impavid when it comes to spice.
A molé is lovely and a curry is nice,
but please put some meat in it. I’m a contrarian
when you attempt to turn me vegetarian.

Prompt words for today are sprout, vestige, impavid, affiance and chip.

 

Marital Disagreement

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Marital Disagreement

When anguish becomes volatile and without your prior detection,
things are lofted toward you–lamps thrown in your direction.
As frying pans and glasses come at you through the air,
take my advice, it would be best if you were still not there.
You’d better listen to my words, for I’ll not tell you twice.
With such items sailing toward you to “Duck!!!” is good advice.
It’s best to listen to our friends for help when times get tough.
You need not express gratitude. Your friendship is enough.

Prompt words today are duck, direction, anguish, volatile and gratitude.

A Speedy Release

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A Speedy Release

A fellow by the name of Kurtz
never sipped when he could Xertz.
No matter what the size or name
of liquid, it was just the same.
Milk or water, Coke or beer
took just seconds to disappear.

When asked to give an interview,
He said, “Please meet me in the loo,”
and when he rose, most resolutely,
the news reporter said, “Absolutely,”
hustling after as Kurtz sped
out of the barroom to the head,

whereupon he caused to pass
that liquid lately in his glass.
Thus did the newsman get his lead.
To simplify, he said, “Kurtz peed,
beating his record for fast sipping,
by three seconds, stream to dripping!

 

Prompt words today are interview, simplify, resolute, xertz (to gulp down quickly and greeditly) and size.

Misnomer

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Misnomer

It doesn’t need a passport to pass from place to place.
It has no hands or feet or lips. It barely has a face.
Contrary to rumor, it is neither deaf nor mute.
It does not plan agendas nor chart its daily route.

Most beautiful of insects, it flutters here and there,
settling on a flower or sometimes in your hair.
Not likely to be overweight. In fact, I would be stunned
if I ever saw a butterfly the least bit rotund.

Elegant and whimsical and flittery and fluttery,
I think it’s a misnomer that a butterfly is buttery.
In touch, they are akin to tissue paper or a doily.
They are not soft or slimy, neither slippery nor oily.

And so I hereby must refute the insect name recorder.
When it came to this one name, letters got out of order.
I think there was confusion when recording the word butterfly.
What its namer should have said was that it was a flutterby!

Prompt words today are butterfly, route, orotund and passport. (I exercised a bit of poetic license here and substituted the word “rotund” for “orotund.” What’s one little letter among friends?)

Supine Flu

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Supine Flu

Do you struggle when the alarm goes off every morning? If you have a really hard time, you could have something called dysania. This means you simply can’t get out of bed for about 1 to 2 hours after you wake up.

Doctors have reported an outbreak of dysania.
Folks suffer from the syndrome from Missouri to Albania.
It’s interfering with world markets and sustainability,
and athletes have determined it’s affecting their agility.

Campers seeking all the pristine beauty of the wilderness
report that they are sleeping in and therefore they are hiking less.
Card sharks spend more time at home, bed-bound in their lair
for hours in the morning, playing solitaire.

Moms trying to spark  interest in starting their kids’ days,
are equally lethargic, and prone to merely laze.
When it comes to what to call the curse, science is still vague,
for It seems most of the scientists have come down with the plague.

They put off their experiments and their cogitations
in lieu of morning lollings-about in their habitations.
Coffee shops are suffering and worldwide, gyms are closing
as people give up other morning hangouts for reposing.

The whole world has gone lazy and is given to the lying-in.
So much for morning exercise, conditioning and getting thin.
And although most joggers have ceased morning exploring,
Sealy Posturepedic stocks have been reported soaring!

They’ve tried to conduct seminars from New York to the Hague
to try to solve the puzzle of this early morning ague,
but the lazy attendees have said we’ll have to guess,
for science cannot seem to conquer this new laziness!

They haven’t even named it yet, so in their usual fashion,
world wits have exercised their nomenclature-driven passion.
Since the scientists are sleeping in, they do not have a clue
that the whole world has agreed that they have the Supine Flu.

 

 

Prompt words today are shark, spark, dysania, pristine and sustainability.

Craft Maintenance

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Photo by Simon Goetz on Unsplash, used with permission.

Craft Maintenance

Love is like a speedboat, threatening disaster
as we plummet toward our fate, going ever faster.

In youth, insecurity helps to fuel the pace
as our fear of failure keeps us in the race.

Thus is our pursuit of love fueled by the chase,
but as we proceed in life, this may not be the case.

Our boats fill up with children and the race  soon ceases.
The boards begin to shrink and paint curls off in pieces.

Still, since marriage is a boat we need to keep afloat,
love is our incentive to renovate the boat!

 

Photo by Anne Nygard on Unsplash, used with permission.

Prompt words today are pursuit, renovate, incentive and boat.

Coup de Coeur

15 Replies

Coup de Coeur

You have built a tunnel—a channel to my heart.
I should have seen it sooner, should have known it from the start.
Now you foment discord to make me feel unrest.
None of the others calm the storm. I know you are the best.
It is a sort of power. Therefore, I must not fall.
Yet I cannot resist it, for I love you most of all.
I might have wed for power. Now I must wed for love.
How can I rule somebody who fits me like a glove?
My friends find it hilarious I’ve let my defense down
to substitute a bridal veil for my royal crown.
I guess I’ll have to settle for a democracy
now that you have staged a coup on my monarchy.

Prompt words today are tunnel, therefore, hilarious, channel and foment.

Daily Funny, Mar 2, 2021

17 Replies

Containment

8 Replies

Containment

Flitting here and flitting there,
sometimes just in my underwear,
unsmitten by the winter weather,
rarely am I aware whether
there is sun or snow or rain
outside the walls of my domain,
the fervor of the climate being
something far beyond my seeing.

The phrase that March is coming in
like a lion? Beyond my ken.
They’re merely lyrics in a song.
I’ve been a shut-in for so long
that weather doesn’t apply to me.
For one year, I’ve been climate-free,
nestled here, cat on my knee
in front of laptop or T.V.

Two thousand twenty and twenty-one
have addicted me to other fun
than outside social interactions.
I have narrowed my reactions
to the confines of four walls.
No homes of friends, cafes or malls.
It’s been a year since forced to choose
any other type of shoes
than flip-flops or my Birkenstocks.
Or since I donned a pair of socks.

Have styles changed, or is the blouse
purchased before banned to my house
still in vogue? How would I know?
Where does anybody go 
that it is possible to share it?
There’s nowhere left for me to wear it!
My social life is now in traction,
suffering from under-action.

No pub-crawls, dining out or dancing.
No hobnobbing and no romancing.
No skiing and no beach vacation.
Simply solo relaxation!
We suffer lives of self-containment.
No other trips or entertainment.
The whole world sharing one elation—
the prospects of a vaccination!

Prompt words today are flit, smitten, phrase and fervor.