Category Archives: Humor

Inedibles

The Indigestibles

No room for mushrooms, can’t live with liver.
The thought of brains just makes me shiver.
Though I like pizza, my other law
is I don’t eat tomatoes raw!

Drinking milk’s against my wishes.
Fish is simply for the fishes.
I eat no veal or other baby,
and steak for me is simply “maybe.”

So if it’s your plan to invest
in things that I like to ingest,
I won’t make it any harder
for you to come and stock my larder.

All else you want to bring to feed me—
what edibles you wish to cede me:
Injera, curries, Thai, Chinese—
all are sure to tempt and please.

Except for one thing I just thought of
that in the past I’ve had a lot of.
There’s one more mouthful I won’t try.
I have no taste for humble pie!

For RDP, the prompt word is Mushroom.

Panto-Mimes, For Fibbing Friday, Sept 12, 2025

For Fibbing Friday, the task at hand is: These are characters in pantos or animated movies, but who would you nominate for the role (fictitious or real person)/

Note: Because I had never heard of Pantos before, I am going to write a description of what characters I can find on the Internet before I cast the role.

1. Widow Twanky.  (Male) A traditional pantomime dame. She has a reputation of being a strict mother but neither son takes her that seriously. She runs the town launderette and is always complaining about being overworked but really she does very little. She speaks loudly and dresses the same way): D0NALD TRUMP
2. Buttons. (He is typically a male servant of the household):  DAN SCAVINO –Trump’s former golf  caddy (really), now deputy head of staff at the Whitehouse.
3. Cinders. (She  dreams of attending the royal ball and marries the prince):  MELANIA TRUMP
4. The Beast. DONALD TRUMP
5. Gru. (The main character of Despicable Me.): DONALD TRUMP
6. Cruella de Vil KRISTI NOEM
7. The Fairy Godmother RICHARD GRENELL  presidential envoy for special missions since 2025.
8. Abanazar. (the primary villain, an evil sorcerer, in the traditional British pantomime version of Aladdin. He poses as Aladdin’s uncle to trick him into retrieving a magic lamp):  ELON MUSK
9. Carabosse ( The wicked antagonist): PUTIN
10. King/Queen Rat.  DONALD TRUMP AND MELANIA

Mr. Trump is such a fine actor that I had to cast him in a number of roles. Pretender to all, master of none.

 

“Deer Ones”

Arising early, I stumbled upon this poem, Table for One, Please” by Bartholomew Barker. That led to reading more of his poems, including THIS ONE at BeatnikCowboy.com. Have a look at it, but please come back to hear my reply. I was so impressed that he knew a herd of deer could be called a “parcel,” but then it occurred to me that perhaps he was just being poetically inventive, so I had to research the matter and in doing so, found this list of synonyms for “herd,” as it applies to deer:

In most situations, you can refer to a group of animals like deer simply as a “herd”. A herd of deer is probably the most common way to designate them, but it is most assuredly the most boring. To be more deer-specific, the other ways to refer to a group of deer include a bevy, a rangale, a bunch, or a parcel. When using parcel, however, it’s generally going to refer to a group of only young deer.

And that new knowledge led, unfortunately, to this hair-splitting and corny rhymed poem on my part:

Deer Ones

A “herd” is most commonly what you will hear
folks  calling a grouping of two or more deer;
but if you’re a poet in need of a rhyme,
perhaps you’ll use “bevy” some of the time.
Which is just as correct, though granted, more rare
to describe groups of deer that are more than a pair.
But if you need a rhyme for deer in a dale,
you just might prefer to use a “rangale,”
which is also proper—or perhaps a “bunch,”
to label a deer herd gathered for lunch
in field or in forest, munching on leaves
or grass, twigs or acorns—or crops left when sieves
abandon their fields of soybeans or corn
leaving some crops abandoned, forlorn.
But if you use “parcel” to call deer among
deer of their ilk—that’s just deer who are young!

Lethologica

I can never remember this word, so I think I am going to have it tattooed on my palm so I can remember my excuse for not remembering!!!!! (In case you don’t read comments, I just received these words of wisdom from my sister, who obviously remembers her Greek mythology better than I do: Lethe was the river of forgetfulness in Greek mythology. Thanks, Sis!!

“Acorn” for MVB, Sept 7, 2025

When I saw this prompt, I just had to reblog this blog of mine from 2018. It was too perfect.

Mystery Solved

My friend Larry Kolczak has allowed me to copy this hilarious email sent to me.  I’ve been trying to convince him he should have a blog himself. Do you agree?

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Six months ago, we hung these beaded curtains on our second-floor patio fence to obscure the view into the neighboring lot.  Recently, …

 

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… we started finding broken strands.  We figured it was because the curtains weren’t made for outdoor use, and that sun and wind had deteriorated the nylon strings.  But, that wasn’t the problem…

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It turns out that many of the eco-friendly beads are acorns.

 

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Guess who noticed?

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He nips the string to get the uppermost acorn…

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… which he either eats on the spot, or buries in our potted plants, and leaves us with the…

 

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…collateral damage.

Go HERE to find Larry’s monthly articles in El Ojo del Lago.

MVB‘s Prompt is Acorn.

Acceptance, for dVerse Poets, Sept 4, 2025

 

Acceptance

Old age––
Can’t escape it.
We grumble about it,
but the alternative, for sure,
is worse.

The dVerse Poets prompt was to write a cinquain: 2-4-6-8-2.
See how others responded to the prompt HERE.

Spider on the Ceiling, for MVB, Sept 5, 2025

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Spider on the ceiling, legs evenly spread round,
I can’t help but wonder what keeps you ceiling-bound.
Have you little suction cups welded to each foot,
and if so, has nature adequately put
each one on this spider far above my bed
so it will not disconnect and land upon my head?

For MVB the prompt is “Ceiling.”

“Toast” for SOCS (Here’s to the Bride) Aug 29, 2025

 

Here’s To The Bride

The groom’s family was titled and a bit anachronistic.
So when they saw the bride, I fear they went a bit ballistic.
Instead of white she wore a dress of scarlet oddly draped.
The mother of the groom grew faint. Her husband merely gaped.
She wore something archaic instead of merely old—
her grandma’s feather boa—a bridal statement bold.
Around her neck, a python, and her arms were densely bangled.
Her veil pinned to a tractor hat of satin, oddly-angled.
The brim turned back as though she were an umpire at a game.
In short, the bride’s ensemble was anything but lame.

As she hip-hopped down the aisle to a tune by Kanye West,
the groom stood fondly watching her in morning coat and vest.
Her lipstick blue, her bustier was borrowed and conditional
on return to its owner in a manner most traditional.
To complete her fashion statement, her combat boots were blue,
and if you’ve paid attention, you could guess that they were new!
Her bouquet was fresh dandelions bound up with some chives.
She held it in one hand and with the other, gave high fives
to friends all up the aisle as she jerked her way on by.
The groom’s mom gave a shudder and his father gave a sigh.

So did this modern wedding  forsake the antiquated
with customs much less stuffy, less predictable and dated.
The wedding fare was tacos, Cuban sandwiches and chips,
jelly beans and donuts, crudités and dips.
No caviar or salmon. Just ribs and Tater Tots.
The toasts to bride and groom were made with Jello shots.
The wedding cake was chocolate with custard between layers.
Good wishes voiced by ministers, gurus and namaste’ers.
In place of rice the bride and groom were showered with quinoa.
In short, it was a wedding to rival mardi gras!

The SOCS prompt is “toast.”

“Chickening Out and More” for Fibbing Friday, Aug 29, 2025

Today’s Fibbing Friday prompts are:

1. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was being egged on to do so.
2. Why are eggs oval in shape?  Because they are formed in a Mama Chicken’s ovalries.
3. Who said Humpty Dumpty was an egg? I don’t know, but he said it in September or some other day in the fall.
4. What is fumigate? A scandal involving a Chinese restaurant famous for its egg fu young.
5. What is a wuss? Past tense of iss.
6. What is a spotter? An un-housetrained puppy.
7. What is the speed of light? Certainly a lot faster than the speed of heavy.
8. What is a hangover? The amount of bottom on three sides of an occupied bar stool.
9. What is a grammy? Grampy’s wife
10.What is lycra? Question asked of a best male friend by an Australian male who wants to flirt with a girl he suspects his friend likes, too.–– “Like ‘er, aye?”––(Did I spoil it by over-explaining?)

“More Prevarications” for Fibbing Friday, Aug 22, 2025

For Fibbing Friday, the task at hand is:

1. What is a saga? A menopausal-aged woman without a bra.
2. What is a synopsis? What a female police detective is called by her brother.
3. What is a dialect? A misspelled redial on the phone.
4. What is a goblin? A small amount.
5. What is a pinstripe? A line drawn by a fountain pen.
6. What is a catapult? The fur coat of a feline.
7. What is a mousse? A French Bullwinkle.
8. What is meant by bona fide?  What the credentials of a orthopedist certify him to be.
9. What is a sally? Mrs. Fields’ daughter.
10. What is a harem? A stalling utterance by a rabbit.