Category Archives: Humor

Why Bakeries Were Invented

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Why Bakeries Were Invented

I’ve baked the cake, but cannot get the damn thing from the pan—
the problem being, mainly, that sticky layer of flan.
My daughter had demanded it, persnickety like her dad.
How had she ever heard of flan? I guess it was a fad.

I poured the custard in the pan and covered it with batter,
not sure whether the flan went first or if it was the latter.
Ten minutes in the oven and the glop began to rage
as though it was an animal, intent to leave its cage.

It roiled and fluxed, formed bubbles and spouted like fresh lava.
I lit a cigarette and poured another cup of java.
Although it was her birthday, I rued the day I’d asked
what kind of cake she wanted, for in this I’m sorely tasked.

But surprisingly, this devil cake did not escape its boundaries,
in spite of all my puzzlements and all my gross confounderies.
Now that I’ve finally got it out, I really am exhausted—
only to hear her next request. Now she wants it frosted!!!

Prompt words for today are exhausted, cage, flux, persnickety and cover.

Doggie Attention

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Doggie Attention

Though they love to eat obnoxious stuff
like bees and grass and dryer fluff,

see how they bristle
at my whistle?
Come a-running
for more funning?

Making pious little prayers for
just one doggie biscuit more,

they’re more pawsome
than they’re awesome—
begging treats
with doggie feets.

They’re authors of expressions of
countless little signs of love.

Giving sure signs 
of their designs,
they tell no lies
with tails and eyes,

Prompt words today are bristle, obnoxious, awesome, pious and author.

Honey This and Honey That

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Your honeyfuggling habits will not work with me.
Your foreplay is of no effect—just makes me want to pee.
If you want to romance me, you’ll have to get more physical.
This flittering and buzzing just makes me slightly quizzical.
You promise that your tactics will become more auspicious,
but then you call me “Honey” and make me more suspicious.
Your strategies of courtship are too fluttery and free.
I fear that our love story was just not meant to “bee.”

 

 

The prompt word for word of the day is honeyfuggle.

Fruitless Interrogation

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Fuitless Interrogation

When they lampooned the bully, he nearly slipped a gasket.
They had made his effigy and put it in a casket.
When he finds out exactly who engineered this jaunt,
He’ll know whose school locker that he’ll have to haunt
to find retribution—to torture and harass.
When he finds out who did it, he’ll surely have their ass!
But when it comes to sleuthery, he’s not doing so well.
The entire school was in on it. Nobody’s going to tell!

Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash. Used with permission. Prompt words today are bully, lampoon, jaunt and basket.

Neologism

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Neologism

Once talk at the next table had hushed, I made the observation
that it was likely they were listening to our conversation.  
And though they were both smirking and though their eyes were glistening,
they swore they were not eavesdropping. They were just overlistening!

 

For dVerse Poets Quadrille Challenge: Eavesdrop. (This true story happened to a friend and me in 1981 in a small diner in Cannon Beach, Oregon.) A quadrille is a poem of exactly 44 words.

Grafted Blooms

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I’ve taken to taking my camera with me into the pool during dragonfly season. I love watching these beautiful creatures and sometimes leave ugly bare branches poking out from above my planters just to attract them.

For Cee’s Flower of the Day.

New Car: Daily Funny, Sept 6, 2020

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Missed Shot

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Missed Shot

He was not noted for his charm, much less for his amenity.
Although he had been praised a bit for success at serenity.
He found spectator sports to be relaxing and most riveting
those times when he was not intent on shooting hoops or divoting.

His interests were not widespread, his hobbies not eclectic.
He simply spent his time at hoops and golf—both actual and electric.
But because a dance or movie caused him great travail,
his attempts to woo fair maidens were to no avail.

And so he forfeited a life of conjugal felicity
for a single life of what was unrelieved simplicity.
And  though he thought that chances for love had passed him by,
it wasn’t just a stroke of fate, but more a lapse of eye,

As he shot hoops with brothers on a public knoll,
a lady he’d admired before out on an aimless stroll,
paused to watch their antics, and especially to watch him
as he lofted up the ball and put it through the rim.

But when the lady winked, he traded one pass for the other
by simply pivoting to throw the ball on to his brother!
He thought that chance had passed him by. He had no luck at all,
when in fact the problem was he only watched the ball!

 

 

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash. Used with permission. Prompt words for the day are serenity, riveting, eclectic, travail and simplicity.

Delusions of Athleticism

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Delusions of Athleticism

Since I’m loyal by habit, it’s hard to explain
my quick burst of laughter in spite of the pain
you must have experienced in your hard fall
as you reached your foot out to kick back the ball
that had escaped the children at play,
rolling out of the street and into your way. 
but my dear, you aren’t known for athletic ability—
your speed or your aim or your grace or stability.
Yet again, please excuse my unrestrained snicker
making light of your dreams of being a kicker.

Word prompts today are again, excuse, laughter, loyal  and habit. Image by Afa Ah Loo on Unspash, used with permission.

Bird Bath

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Bird Bath

You bask in the sun as you crane to inspect
that bird in the water, demanding respect.
How odd that he has not one thing to say
and as you caw your challenge, doesn’t fly away.
When you bob your head at him, he bobs at you.
He’s an image of everything you choose to do.
Then, Mr. Raven, as you fly away,
So too does the other decide not to stay.
Just as you stage your sudden defection,
flying away with you is your reflection.

 

Prompt words today are bask, odd, raven, respect and image.