Category Archives: Humor

The Advantages of Social Distancing

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The Advantages of Social Distancing

My salad is mouthwatering, the ambience is fine.
The numbers in my dining room below what laws define.
I am amply distanced as I am all alone,
the friend that I am dining with connecting via phone.

The cake I baked four days ago obliterated in three,
insures my tonight’s dinner will be dessert-free.
How do I compensate for that when dining all alone?
I have my entertaining quirks for which I won’t atone.

My friend is in her very best—her Klein and De la Renta.
While I slurp up my soup, she slowly savors her polenta.
To not dress in my best as well I feel she would find rude,
so I will not reveal from the waist down, I’m dining nude!

Prompt words are mouthwatering, ambience, cake, obliterate and number.

 

 

Struth

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Struth

The world is swathed in horror. It vacillates between
ridiculous pronouncements both uninformed and mean.
Truth seems to be moveable. We store it here and there,
but rarely in an orange creature with unruly hair.
It seems he has no access to lexicon or brain
as everything he says is impossibly inane.

 

Prompt words today are horror, vacillate, moveable, ridiculous and access. Photo on Unsplash, used with permission. 

Donald Jr.’s Ad Turned Against Dad

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Click on link to see video by The Meidas Touch. (Go to second video.)

https://news.yahoo.com/donald-trump-jr-meidastouch-085910824.html

 

 

 

Nervous Nibbling Prior to the St. Patrick’s Day Party

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Nervous Nibbling Prior to the St. Patrick’s Day Party

I’ve secured the decorations and I’ve bought the party food.
I’ve put out all the shamrocks and soon the whole damn brood
will descend en masse for the St. Patrick’s celebration.
I fear that by the end of it I’ll need a small vacation.

Green salad and green curry, green bean casserole, green beer.
Every single  item of refreshment that is here 
seems to be of verdant hue. I’m finding it most shocking,
and soon there will be over-drinking and much over-talking.

Everyday on March 17th, I find it is the same.
If we run out of green cuisine, I am the one to blame.
Every other day of March, I’m totally secure.
It’s only the 17th day I find hard to endure.

This green ice-cream is melting and I fear it will be wasted.
It cannot last much longer. It’s a shame it’s gone untasted.
It looks so delicious. There are bowls there on the shelf.
Do you think it would be callous if I ate it all myself?

Words for the day are ice cream, callous, shamrock, secure and everyday.

Fallen Star

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Fallen Star

Is it love or obligation? I am driven to inquire.
It’s the sort of information that I’m not going to acquire
unless I ask you bluntly. He’s a noxious sort of fellow—
shriveled-up and cranky, and his fingernails are yellow!

He’s a worn-out western movie star, but  I swear his past
is not the sort of glamor that’s been shown to last.
Marry a guy for former fame? My dear, it isn’t groovy.
If you want to see him at his best, may I suggest a movie?

Prompts today are shrivel, acquire, obligation, noxious and western. Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash. Used with permission.

Blackberry Balsam

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Blackberry Balsam

Blackberry Balsam, the scourge of my youth.
It was repulsive, my father uncouth
for presenting this mucous-like liquid most vile,
insisting I swallow the ghastly brown bile.
I gritted my teeth and went sullen and wild,
but how could I refuse? I was only a child.

Gagging and choking, I chased it with Coke,
expecting another dose when I awoke.
All these years later, its flavor unfaded,
its vomitous odor my memory invaded.
Blackberry Balsam? No taste could be worse,
proving sometimes the cure is worse than the curse.

Animal Nature

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Animal Nature

She had a penchant for excitement but discretion was a must,
for how her family worried and how her family fussed—
fingers tearing hair and both palms shielding eyes.
Was bungee-jumping safe? Did she think sky-diving wise?

They’d have her clipping coupons and baking cherry pies,
so she only did her favorite things shrouded in disguise.
A person in a chicken costume jumping from a plane
might have been seeking notice, might have seemed inane

if the chicken ever took off her feathers or her mask.
If she ever answered the questions they might ask.
But she only shed her feathers once safely in her home,
arranging them with fingers and a broad-toothed comb.

Snow-boarding in her fox costume, she knew they’d never know
how she banged up her left elbow, fractured her little toe.
She’d said it was at tennis—that family-sanctioned sport,
as they happily imagined her on golf course or on court.

They found other sport unseemly, inappropriate at best
when associated with their spotless family crest.
Thus did she live her life according to her nature
while never bringing shame to her family nomenclature!

Words prompts for the day are: eyes, penchant, excitement, discretion and coupon. Illustration from Pinterest.

The Gift

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The Gift

Once more you have defeated me with your machination,
for this gadget you have gifted me defies imagination.
Those tripartite metal arms are too small for much  lifting,
but too far apart to make use of in fine sifting.

The little barrel at the end resembles a munition,
but it does not match a firearm of any definition.
Is it a curling iron? Should I use it in my grooming?
If I plug it in should I expect a lethal booming?

Who knows if it was meant for betterment or sure destruction?
Such gifts are more appreciated when sent with instruction!
The layoffs at our company were no fault of my own.
I didn’t learn of yours until after you had flown.

The powers that be just acted without consulting me.
The charges that the fault was mine, in truth, are calumny.
I swear your firing was in no way due to my picking,
so please reclaim your gift before it ceases in its ticking!!!

Prompt words are layoff, gadget, imagination, tripartite and definition. Illustration thanks to Unsplash, used with permission.

tri·par·tite (I’d never heard the word before either, so here’s the pronunciation and definition:/trīˈpär’ˌtīt/ adjective  shared by or involving three parties.“a tripartite coalition government”consisting of three parts.“a tripartite classification.”)

Stale Humor

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Stale Humor

A ubiquitous imagination is just like all the others
with no variation from your sister’s or your brother’s.
It does not twist or undulate. It runs a narrow course.
It has a sense of humor never varying from its source.

As Mother dreamed and Father dreamed, so does it dream as well.
It does not flaunt, cavort, carouse. It’s locked within a cell.
It doesn’t thrive on irony. It does not tease or bait us.
In lieu of furnishing fresh air, we flounder in its flatus.

God save us all from normalcy and those who are too dumb
to develop their own funny bone but who remain humdrum
by reciting age-old jokes to us and memorizing jokes
that haven’t drawn much laughter since they learned them from their folks.

 

Prompt words for the day are flatus, ubiquitous, imagination, carouse and twist.

Nuptial Gardening

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(This gardener used for illustrative purposes only!!!)

Nuptial Gardening

Once I was his buttercup. He plucked me from the bunch.
He bought me lovely jewelry and took me out to lunch.
He called me “dear” and “princess” and set me on a throne.
I had no respite from him. I never was alone.

But now that we are married, this man who was my savior
is stingy with household accounts and questions my behavior.
Our house once warm and welcoming is now a gelid zone.
If I knew what I’d done to cause it, I’d try to atone.

But he cannot come up with any errant act or deed
that transformed me from buttercup to a common weed.
He will not plough my garden, though frequently I ask.
Perhaps I’ll hire a gardener to complete the task.

Prompt words are gathered from five different sites. To see those sites, click on the words which are all linked to their sites: gelid, zone, behavior, respite and buttercup.  (This gardener used for illustrative purposes only!!!)