Category Archives: humorous poem

The Makeover

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The Makeover

She was a timid little thing, wedded to lace and wicker.
Although she had a wicked wit if it were only quicker.
With her friends it’s true that she was faster to respond.
They were a modern sort of crowd–a regular beau monde.

They devised a plot to bring her out, to shatter her reserve.
They knew she had the talent but lacked the will and nerve.
They made it their year’s project to extract her from her shell.
They knew it wouldn’t be easy, for they knew her well.

But their decision was not arbitrary. They were all intent.
Of her reclusive habits, she was going to repent!!!
By what methods they inspired her, I fear we’ll ne’er discover.
Let it suffice for us to say they brought her from her cover.

By the next social season, she was fashionably buff.
Her reparté was clever, her rejoinders up to snuff.
And all the local bachelors, formerly prone to snickering
were lined up before the lady, groveling and smickering.

 

 

Words for the day are project, arbitrary, smicker, reserve and respond.

Definition of smicker from Merriam Webster Dictionary:

archaic: to ogle and smile amorously 

People Talk

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People Talk

“Precocious,” said the neighbor lady, talking about me.
And so I grabbed the dictionary, perched it on my knee,
intent upon my purpose, concentrating on my need
to know the meaning of the word, although I couldn’t read.

At three years old, another neighbor said that I was sweet.
I licked my arm, thinking that I might be good to eat,
but I tasted of my modeling clay, and I began to choke.
I figured out his comment was something of a joke.

My crazy older brother used to call me “out of sight”
when at the dinner table—in daylight, not at night.
The space between us was not much. Why couldn’t he see
this person in her rightful place was obviously me?

At four years old, I know a lot: numbers, letters, words.
What to call the insects. The names for all the birds.
I listen when they talk to me from grass or tree or fence.
It’s only human animals that often don’t make sense!

Prompt words for today are space, precocious, sweet, rightful and purpose.

Heart of the Matter

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Heart of the Matter

My family’s only easygoing when it isn’t moody,
and dealing with the moody times seems to be my duty.
If I were only liberated and in better shape,
I’d clamber out the window and down the fire escape
and find some other people easier to bear,
investigate the wider world and see how I would fare.
The solution to this problem you are likely to construe
if you interview my family, but I hope you never do,
for the truth is that the discord that you otherwise might see
is likely to have vanished when they’re not dealing with me!

Word prompts today are easygoing, construe, moody, liberate and escape. photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash, used with permission.

The Advantages of Social Distancing

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Click on photos to enlarge.

The Advantages of Social Distancing

My salad is mouthwatering, the ambience is fine.
The numbers in my dining room below what laws define.
I am amply distanced as I am all alone,
the friend that I am dining with connecting via phone.

The cake I baked four days ago obliterated in three,
insures my tonight’s dinner will be dessert-free.
How do I compensate for that when dining all alone?
I have my entertaining quirks for which I won’t atone.

My friend is in her very best—her Klein and De la Renta.
While I slurp up my soup, she slowly savors her polenta.
To not dress in my best as well I feel she would find rude,
so I will not reveal from the waist down, I’m dining nude!

Prompt words are mouthwatering, ambience, cake, obliterate and number.

 

 

Struth

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Struth

The world is swathed in horror. It vacillates between
ridiculous pronouncements both uninformed and mean.
Truth seems to be moveable. We store it here and there,
but rarely in an orange creature with unruly hair.
It seems he has no access to lexicon or brain
as everything he says is impossibly inane.

 

Prompt words today are horror, vacillate, moveable, ridiculous and access. Photo on Unsplash, used with permission. 

Blue Monday

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This poem was inspired by a misread line in Jan Wilberg’s Red’s Threads blog. What she said was, “Everything is very still here.” How I at first read it forms the last line of my poem, which also fulfills the dVerse Poet’s prompt of “Blue.” In place of one quadrille, the poem is actually composed of two quadrilles, the last line of one rhyming with the first line of the second:

Blue Monday

It’s not that I’m lonely. I’ve plenty to do,
and yet for some reason, I’m just feeling blue.
The thunder has stopped, though the night’s overcast.
The stars I saw three nights ago were the last
interrupting the dark that surrounds like a shroud.

Here I am still apart from the world’s rowdy crowd.
My dogs curled up in slumber, my cats in their bed,
all of my company curled in my head.
Alone in my house with familiar things near,
everything, everything’s still very here.

 

For dVerse Poets Quadrille prompt: Blue.

Film Legend

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Film Legend

Once I was unstoppable, but now my moves are tentative.
My tones once sweet and wheedling have now turned argumentative.
My salad days gone limp, “cute as a penny” turned to brass,
people take as vitriol what once they saw as sass.
My image has been shattered. When I look in the mirror,
I prefer to view me far away instead of standing nearer.
I once was an ingenue with all the roles I wanted.
I faced the cameras brazenly, unfiltered and undaunted.
But now I find the only lenses on my face
are trifocals. The cameras? Gone without a trace.

 

Prompt words today are brass, tentative, unstoppable, benefit and shattered. Photos from Unsplash and other free sites.

Nervous Nibbling Prior to the St. Patrick’s Day Party

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Nervous Nibbling Prior to the St. Patrick’s Day Party

I’ve secured the decorations and I’ve bought the party food.
I’ve put out all the shamrocks and soon the whole damn brood
will descend en masse for the St. Patrick’s celebration.
I fear that by the end of it I’ll need a small vacation.

Green salad and green curry, green bean casserole, green beer.
Every single  item of refreshment that is here 
seems to be of verdant hue. I’m finding it most shocking,
and soon there will be over-drinking and much over-talking.

Everyday on March 17th, I find it is the same.
If we run out of green cuisine, I am the one to blame.
Every other day of March, I’m totally secure.
It’s only the 17th day I find hard to endure.

This green ice-cream is melting and I fear it will be wasted.
It cannot last much longer. It’s a shame it’s gone untasted.
It looks so delicious. There are bowls there on the shelf.
Do you think it would be callous if I ate it all myself?

Words for the day are ice cream, callous, shamrock, secure and everyday.

Rainy Season Rag

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Rainy Season Rag

How can you be so cavalier
with so much lightning flashing near?
Do you not see? Can you not hear?
It’s raining harder. Have you no fear?
The dogs both circle, growl and peer.
This vigilance is their career.
They’re prodding you to move your rear,
Forsake your hammock. Grab your beer
and make a run. The house is near.
Vámonos ahora, my dear!

 

 

 

 

For the Weekend Writing Prompt: Cavalier in 64 words.

Fallen Star

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Fallen Star

Is it love or obligation? I am driven to inquire.
It’s the sort of information that I’m not going to acquire
unless I ask you bluntly. He’s a noxious sort of fellow—
shriveled-up and cranky, and his fingernails are yellow!

He’s a worn-out western movie star, but  I swear his past
is not the sort of glamor that’s been shown to last.
Marry a guy for former fame? My dear, it isn’t groovy.
If you want to see him at his best, may I suggest a movie?

Prompts today are shrivel, acquire, obligation, noxious and western. Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash. Used with permission.