Happy Ending
It’s typical and just my luck
that when the fruit fell from the truck,
I didn’t adequately duck,
and so was splattered with its muck.
My hungry hens began to cluck.
The honey bees began to suck.
They made a meal of former yuck!
https://dversepoets.com/quadrille/yuck
Judy just jabbed Joe’s jingling jodphurs.
“Jeez!” Joe jumped jerkily—justifiably jittery.
“Just joking, Joe!” Judy jabbered jejunely.
Joe’s joyless judgment jarred Judy’s jubilation.
Joyful June joint junket just jinxed!
Jumpin’ jiminy— Joe just jettisoned Judy!
For the six-word story prompt, the letter “J.” The assignment was to write a six word story using only the letter “j” to begin each word. I expanded the assignment to six six-word lines.
Cheap Falls Are a Stunning Solution!
She was a parachutist and an avid mountaineer
whereas he viewed such pastimes with a great amount of fear.
Yet, he was so enamored that he issued a proposal,
using every single cent he had at his disposal
to buy her an engagement ring, to which she answered “Yes!”
The agenda for their honeymoon? I’m guessing you can guess.
Only Nepal would suit the bride.
There they’d hire a sherpa guide
to climb Mt. Everest and then
parachute back down again!
The groom’s objections were double-fold.
The first was that he was not bold
enough to scale this mountain lest
he meet his end on Everest!
Plus, he had neither credit nor cash
to finance both a wedding bash
and an expensive wedding trip!
He’d spent his stash all on the ring,
not budgeting for everything.
To console himself, he took a nip
and then another little sip
until, too late, he’d had enough.
He found rising a little tough
and navigating down the hall?
He had no skill at it at all.
And so, a few yards from the keg?
I fear he fell and broke a leg!
Nonetheless, the wedding went through.
She said “I will.” He said “I do.”
They honeymooned at Niagara Falls
which cost less money, required fewer balls.
He kept her busy with hugs and kisses,
Giving thanks for two close misses.
Though his cast both cramped and itched,
He never complained, never bitched.
The drinking bout that caused his fall
was the greatest luck of all.
He blessed that final stiff ablution.
Two cheap falls? Stunning solution!!!
The prompt words today are fall, cheap, stunning and solution. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/29/rdp-saturday-fall/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/29/fowc-with-fandango-cheap/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/29/stunning/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/daily-addictions-2018-week-38/solution
jdb photo
The Jerk
He tended to overreact,
the truth to overly compact.
When he was touched, to be exact,
he swore that he’d been soundly whacked.
When his employer surveyed his work
and claimed that he was prone to shirk
his labors, he was known to smirk
and say his boss was just a jerk.
He was, in short, a royal mess,
much given to his own duress.
A cavity, I must confess,
in his words became an abscess.
Often, truth he would imbue,
and he was rumored to pursue
wages that were not his due,
threatening that he’d surely sue.
His fellow workers made a pact
to somehow get this fellow sacked.
Their plot was detailed and exact.
They wanted no more of his act.
Surely, revenge was overdue.
He hid out in the john, they knew,
so as the jerk approached the loo,
they primed the seat with Super Glue.
It’s true, they heard his sounds of stress
coming from that small recess
where he had chosen to undress
in order that he then might press
His ample bottom to the seat
of his favorite retreat.
They heard his loud resounding bleat,
the pounding of his booted feet
upon the metal, well-locked stall,
his futile poundings on the wall,
but they heeded not his call.
Did he distress them? Not at all.
Much later, he was seen to pass,
a ring attached to his bare ass.
The doctor must have thought it crass.
So did the pretty little lass
who was his nurse, who’d often guessed
he imagined her in states undressed
as she passed this macho pest;
and, if you cannot guess the rest:
as she raised the needle, gleefully aimed
at ample butt, so red and maimed
and yet so elegantly framed,
she gave witness as the beast was tamed—
and the frequent shamer was finally shamed.
The prompt words today are smirk, compact, duress and pursue. Here are the links to the bogs that gave them: (Disclaimer: The photo above was used for illustrative purposes only. The man photographed is actually the opposite of a jerk.)
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/rdp-friday-smirk/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/21/fowc-with-fandango-compact/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/duress/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/ pursue
Reluctant Guest
It was infatuation. He was there at my behest,
and although I hoped for more, he proved to be a slippery guest.
When I reached out for him and he escaped my grasp,
I improvised a harness out of scarf and belt and clasp.
Before you form ideas about my brashness in this tryst,
imagining the lengths that I might go to to be kissed,
I fear that you misunderstand the situation. Maybe,
I did not make it clear that I was bathing sis’s baby!
The prompt words today are slippery, guest, infatuation, improvise. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/rdp-thursday-slippery/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/20/fowc-with-fandango-guest/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/infatuation/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/improvise
Good Sport
Although he’s just a featherweight with arms and legs like sticks,
he survives all the scrimmages— the shoving and the kicks.
He’s always game to play the sport in any sort of weather,
with his helmet duct taped to his head and gaiters of fine leather.
He’ll show up to participate whenever they might please
with elbow guards and shoulder pads and cushions on his knees.
Every game he joins his teammates in the dugout trench,
where though they never let him play, he’s faithful to the bench.
And no matter how much they may laugh and jeer and chide and tease,
When it’s time for the team photo, he’ll turn up and mutter, “Cheese!”
Cheese, feather and game are the haunted wordsmith’s prompts today. Here is the link:
https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/three-things-challenge-18-sept-2018/
Good Taste
It was an ongoing debate
that never tended to abate.
One friend was too prone to oration
concerning the education
of her friend much given to
items that were too frou-frou:
clothing full of frills and ruching,
fluffy pillows good for smooshing,
carved furniture too ornate.
She feared bad taste would be her fate
forever unless she stepped in
to counteract what might have been.
She tried to teach her friend restraint
in ornaments and clothes and paint.
She tended to excoriate
items that were too ornate,
curbing her psychedelic bent
while showing her what Bauhaus meant.
She declared ruffled skirts too silly,
weeding out what was too frilly.
And though her friend declared it wasteful,
she threw out all that was not tasteful.
Ignoring her friend’s deep depression
as she culled out each possession.
She honed her house goods, cleared her shelves,
deprived her yard of frogs and elves.
Gave her flamingos to Good Will,
banned nicknacks on her window sill.
So finally, when she was through
relieving her of garish hue,
replacing all her things with new,
the friend knew what she had to do.
Her belongings spare, her wardrobe small,
her house was sparse, from wall-to-wall.
The most that she could say of it
was it was tasteful, but lacking wit.
‘Til when the culling was all ended,
the one thing left that still offended
was the friend who had advised her.
By the end, how she despised her.
So, with her training in good taste,
she acted now in confidant haste.
She first picked up, quickly upending
one last thing that needed tending—
dragged it clear across the floor
and tossed it out of her front door.
And that is how it came to pass
she pitched her friend out on her ass!
For more examples of extreme bad taste, go to A Visit to the Weird.
Not Prone to Marry
I am a happy spinster—a perpetual “Miss.”
I cannot fathom sinking into a passioned kiss.
I am without an anchor. Obligations have I few.
No imperious husband tells me what to do.
I have no need to ferret out the reasons why I’m single.
It’s not for hate of men and I am not loath to mingle.
I simply like my privacy, have no need for a kid.
While others chose to say “I do,” I simply never did.
The prompt words today are fathom, anchor, imperious and ferret. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/rdp-sunday-fathom/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/16/fowc-with-fandango-anchor/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/imperious/
http://www.inlinkz.com/new/view.php?id=797445 ferret
The assignment was to write a 6-line alphabet poem that started each line with a letter of the alphabet in a 6-letter sequence. I.E. abcdef, qrstuv, etc. Being a creature of excess, I used the entire alphabet, forwards and backwards, ending with a final Z to boot, since the title began with an “A.” Please note that this is the cynical rant of a misanthrope—not necessarily my own view. And this is the only photo I could find in my album that smacked of high society. Actually, it’s a photo of me and my date for the junior prom.
A Misanthropic Anti-creed
After all is said and done,
brotherhoo is not much fun.
Cliques are just a machination
Dumbing down imagination.
Each misanthrope must find his own
Final method to disown
Galas thrown to feed the poor
Hawking excesses they abhor.
In jewels, ladies you could die of,
Jostling to catch the eye of
Kings of minor countries or
Lords who are the things of lore.
Meanwhile, gents in tux and tie
Nod to try to catch the eye
Of that next lady in Dior
Possessed of means to feed the poor.
Quickened now, they move to kill,
Ready to restore their till.
Society’s main charity
Trying for a parity
Under the understanding that
Verisimilitude is boring.
What’s important is just scoring
Xcess being all the norm
Yielding to those who most conform.
Zero, then, goes to the poor.
You must admit, they are a bore.
Xtravagence is what they come for.
Widows they won’t waste a crumb for.
Very likely that the starving
Urgently needing this feast’s carving
Taste not one small bite of it,
Still hungry now in spite of it.
Rich charity spends what’s allowed on
Quality that draws the crowd on.
Pheasant under glass costs more.
Only beans left for the poor.
Not a charitable hope
Mars ponderings of our misanthrope.
Let not one charitable thought
Knit his brow.With doubts it’s fraught.
Jarring thoughts are all he thinks
In between ironic winks.
Hear well the stories he might tell—
Gory threats of burning hell
For that well-heeled society
Eating up the profits of
Doubtful fund raisers of love.
“Charitize” to feed the poor,
But really serve their own needs more.
Ask the misanthrope at the door.
Zero is left to feed the poor!!!!
The dVerse Poets prompt is to write a 6 line alphabet phone, using 6 letters in sequence to begin lines. Here is the link: https://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dversepoets&postid=12Sep2018&meme=12493
Excuse # 2
Quick, take my hand before I float off
on a breeze or a sigh or a sneeze or a cough.
No telling what currents are swelling today
to pick a girl up and float her away.
Oh, excuse number one?
Hand holding is fun!
For DVerse Poets: https://dversepoets.com/2018/09/10/quadrille-64-quickwrite-something/
lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown 