Category Archives: Humor

Interlopers

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“I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.”     —Robert Brault

Interlopers

They watch the clock, waiting for dark,
impatient for their All-souls lark.
Small ghosts and goblins screech and moan,
their ghastly act to finely hone.
“Eye of newt and toe of frog,”
Mother prompts, as off they jog—
little witches in Walmart capes
with itchy tags upon their napes.

Meanwhile, other ghastly things
soar in on brooms, flap in on wings.
They’ve found that yearly secret door
under the earth, under the floor,
and creaked it open. Joining the flood
who lust for treats, they lust for blood.
Who among us might ace the task
of sorting countenance from mask?

That little vampire, newly gone—
was his blood real or painted on?
“Double double toil and trouble,
cauldron boil and cauldron bubble.”
Were those lines recently rehearsed
or are these witches instead well-versed
in brewing up a recipe
of wing of gnat and eye of bee?

Which ghoulies real and which ones playing?
Which ones begging? Which ones preying?
What other night of any year
do we open doors, devoid of fear
for such strange beings? Who thinks of this—
Hershey’s kisses or vampire’s kiss?
A silly poem. When small ghosts boo, they
offer no real threat. Or do they?

 

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Prompts for today are the secret door, adage, screech, treat and clock. Since one of the prompt words was “adage,” rather than use the actual word in the poem, I used a quote (an adage of sorts) by Robert Brault as inspiration for this poem.

Karma

Screen Shot 2019-10-25 at 9.22.14 AM.pngphoto by Darren Halstea, Unsplash. Used w/ permission

Karma

Can we extricate ourselves from all the evil we may we do,
or once we meet our maker will fate drop the other shoe
and will the evil we have done be visited on us?
On our journey to Nirvana, will we have missed the bus?

Will we be held accountable for all that we have done?
Once our life is over, will atonement have its fun?
Will there just be the help for us that we’ve given to others,

so our lack of mercy toward enemies and brothers
will be visited upon us, in spite of all our pleas—

past cruelties unfurled on us as we beg on our knees?

How many lifetimes will it take to extricate our being
from the fate we’ve set in motion? How long ’til we’ll be seeing
that the future ills we suffer are the ills we’ve done the world,

and in each evil act, our own future was unfurled.

Prompts this week are accountable, total, Karma, extricate and help.

If You Remember the Sixties, You Probably Weren’t Really Around at the Time

Indulgent Parents at the DMV

 

 

Indulgent Parents at the DMV

You’ve studied so hard and we’re screamingly proud.
You’ve done everything perfect, for crying out loud.

You’ve conquered the manual, drive in the dark,
avoiding pedestrians. Parallel park.

You knew all the signals for stopping and turning.
Looked perfectly calm, though your stomach was churning.

It’s such a travesty  you didn’t pass.
That inspector was prejudiced, ornery and crass.

Your driving test was perfect. Almost.
Anyone could have missed seeing that post!

 

Prompts today are travesty, scream, manual, loud and almost.

Cartoon Thinking

Cartoon Thinking

If our thoughts grew out of us in a gigantic bubble,
perhaps they might give warning to keep us out of trouble.
They might flow on ahead of us in a big balloon
to tell folks what we’re thinking, like in a cartoon.

Sometimes our thoughts scream out at us. At other times they whisper.
Sometimes our minds are in a fog. At other times they’re crisper,
but with prior warning of dangerous or sad thoughts,
perhaps our friends would intervene to circumvent  bad thoughts.

Folks in crowds we’re entering might split to left and right
when we’re in a pissy mood and spoiling for a fight.
Those we meet might warn us of what we’re about to think,
or chuckle at our naughty thoughts and give a little wink.

What would the world be like if folks knew everything we thought?
One friend would know we hate her hair, one know we think he’s hot.
There would be no mysteries, not one Christmas surprise.
No detecting secret thoughts by staring into eyes.

The whole world would be literal. No nuances or mysteries.
Strangers would know our secrets, both our present and our histories.
No reading of expressions, for the truth would all be there
floating in thought bubbles, right above your hair!

Prompt words are scream, ahead, bubble, right.

Drought Year Fourth of July

Drought Year Fourth of July

Dakota natives were sure to know
the Aurora Borealis show.
Why set off fireworks as well
risking that dread fire truck’s bell
that signaled prairie fires to quell?

The Weekend Write Prompt is to write a 28 word poem making use of the word aurora.

Skinny-dipping in One’s Sixties

 

Skinny-dipping in One’s Sixties

While driving on a country lane, I spy a little lake
and decide that I should skinny-dip, just for old time’s sake.
Lack of a suit is not a problem, for this spot is so secluded
that I jump into the water both nuded and deluded,
for after just five minutes, although the night is dark,
three cars pull up with lights full-on and proceed to park
directly in my exit spot with windows all rolled down,
music spilling out from them. Teenagers from the town
out here for the thrill of it to swill a little beer
and have a wild party with no parents near.

Like a deer in headlights, I am blinded by the glare.
I quickly put my hands back to obscure my derriere.
Then, desperate for cover, sprint for a nearby bush.
But when I cover up my front, I have to bare my tush.
Skinny-dipping simply doesn’t work with lookers-on,
and I guess that I am trapped until these partiers are gone.
With no hope on the horizon, I hunch and drip and cower,
forgetful of the blanket I had slung over a bower
just a few short yards away, but finally I sprint for it,
and wrapping it around me, I am grateful that I went for it
in spite of all the cheers and huzzahs and the blinding light
of the headlights of the teenagers who view my frenzied flight.

Once I reach my car, the far horizon is my goal.
I gun the engine and I speed over dip and knoll.
If I need to teach the lesson of this ill-advised adventure
of senior citizen skinny-dipping, I’m the one to censure,
for I was a solo-act swimming swimsuit-free,
and the only one that I can implicate is me.
I guess that skinny-dipping is best left in the past,
for the skinny body necessary simply doesn’t last!

Prompt words today are forgetful, horizon, desperate, implicate and deer.

The Dangers of Early Halloween Shopping

The Dangers of Early Halloween Shopping

Well, just a few more weeks before those little Halloweeners will be flooding through the gates of the Raquet Club. There are more every year and a few years ago we started all contributing candy and making up bags for each trick or treater and handing them out at the gate to the club. So, I made my trip to Walmart and bought 7 big bags of miniature Snicker bars and suckers, as well as a bag of chocolate chips so I could make cookies for my neighbors who are always bringing me shares of their suppers. I then made the mistake of bringing the Halloween candy into my house.

Instead of baking cookies, I  took a little nap, but awakened to that candy calling my name. I resisted for about 15 minutes before I tore a corner off one of the Snickers bags and had a single miniature Snickers bar––about one inch square.  I sealed up the bag. Tried to take my mind off it. Then felt suddenly thirsty and on my way to the water jug, had to pass very close to the chair the shopping bag holding all the candy was on. The bag that had been opened seemed to be saying something to me, so I leaned closer. “Eat me!”  Shades of Alice in Wonderland. I opened the bag and had just one more tiny piece of chocolate, caramel and peanuts before I called my next door neighbor and asked if I could bring the rest of the candy over to his house until it was time to take it down to the clubhouse to pack up the bags.

After he stopped laughing, he admitted it wouldn’t be much safer at his house. “You would eat my candy?” I queried. Shocked.

Well, no, he admitted. Probably not.  Were there Andes mint bars involved, he asked? No way. I don’t believe in mixing mint with anything but chewing gum. So he agreed and we met in the street outside our houses for the hand-over.

So, end of story until this Skype exchange between ForgottenMan and me.  By the way, the chocolate chips were still unopened in the cupboard. Cookies still unbaked at the time of this interchange a few minutes ago. The comments to the right are mine.

 

Forgottenman says I “might wanna” explain that an r&c is a rum and coke and g&t is a gin and tonic. I think he’s underestimating my audience!!  And thus go our evenings!! Somewhere I’m sure people are discussing great thoughts. Not so this evening with us.

Hop Scotch (Don’t Worry. Be Happy!)

                       Click on photos to enlarge.

 

                                  Hop
Scotch

                      “How green is blue?” the child asks,
“What is the taste of pink?”

                        A prodigy koan-master
 with a novel way to think,
                        such problems keep a child’s mind
engaged in matters other
                         than all the daily problems
of a father or a mother. 

                         No spider ever stumbles
when spinning out her strands,
                         for the feet she walks around on
are really only hands.

                         No specter of a problem
ever plagues a goat.

                          He simply feeds upon the world
and lives his life by rote.

                       And so it is with children.
They go from thing to thing

                      with no worries of the outcomes
that their acts might bring.

                       They leave to human adults
the worries of such things

                        and simply live with pleasures
that every new day brings.

Prompts for today are “How green is blue?spider, stumble, specter and goat.

Unfortunate Signage: Last Apartments

Last Apartments

The Lake Chapala, Mexico area where this apartment building has been going up for over a year is home to the largest group of American and Canadian expats in the world—most of them over 60 years old. That taken into account, I don’t think its sign sends the correct message to their targeted renters. I’m sure the name “Last Apartments” is a rather unfortunate translation of “Ultimos Departamentos,” and for the superstitious, it is definitely not a great selling point. (Most probably, their intention was to convey that they will be the latest or best in design, but the translation from Spanish to English leaves the impression that no renter will be leaving the premises alive!)

Please post your own example of unfortunate signage on your blog, pingback to this page and use the tag “Unfortunate Signage.”