Category Archives: humorous poem

Morning Cuppas

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Cup of Java?
Cuppa Tea?

Cups of Java or Cups of Tea? Me, I just need my:

Morning Couplets

Every single day for years, my morning’s not replete
until my poem is published—polished and complete.

I meander through my sentences until I think they’re done,
and then I herd them into shape—each metaphor and pun.

My need is pathological to get them all just right.
I love words’ sensuality, their pathos and their bite.

Though some have a reluctance to show up when I call them,
there’s a satisfaction when I finally recall them.

What would I do with mornings if I had no words to play with?
There’d be nothing else for me to find to fill my day with!

Prompts for today are meander, sentence, pathological, replete, reluctance.

Rules of Order

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Rules of Order
(Mom’s Note Taped up on The Fridge)

I have a part time passion for things in their right place.
Shoes go in the closet. A nose goes on a face.
An Oxford comma bothers me when placed before an “and.”
An apostrophe in a plural word? Something I can’t stand!

“Me and her,” though common in modern print and speech,
is a solecism that I must beseech
you not to make. The use of it is bound to cause a screech.
Such errors unforgivable—a gross grammatical breach.

When issued from an errant tongue, it’s sure to cause a rise
in my pulse and blood pressure and pitchforks in my eyes!!!!
When I was a teacher, I’d put squiggles through a word
like “awesome” for its overuse was one I found absurd.

In striking out such errors, I felt most justified,
to save its proper usage for times more bonafide.
Right things in right places just somehow soothe my soul.
Sorting out the universe is my heartfelt goal.

Forks all on the left side, spoons and knives all on the right.
Bowls all stacked up on a shelf are a lovely sight.
Ants all neatly marching in their single rows.
Orderly arrangements? Even Nature knows

are the proper way for all the world to go,
and now that I’ve informed you, even you must know
enough to know that order makes me a happy camper,
so after this, please put your dirty socks into the hamper!!!

 

 

Prompts today are part time, passion, striking, solecism (a grammatical mistake in speech or writing), rise and squiggles. Photo by jdb

A “Golden Years” Rebuttal

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A “Golden Years” Rebuttal

Those who call these “Golden Years “deserve my blunt oration,
for getting older, you should know, ain’t no free vacation!
The abundant pains of aging for sure are not a bonus,
for to suffer silently seems to be our onus.

Our skin’s variegations you may think are bad tattoos,
but what you see as sub-par art, alas, is just a bruise
from taking our blood thinners. Every blot and every dot
is a new reminder of a bumping that we got.

When you bring us nuts and caramel, we thank you for your ventures,
but we do not mention we can’t eat them with our dentures!
“Old age ain’t for sissies,” is an adage often told,
so I am not the first to bemoan this getting old.

 

(Just kidding, Dolly.) Prompt words today are caramel, abundant, oration, variegation, and golden. Retablo and photo by jdb.

Preparing for Summer

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Preparing for Summer

When your appetite starts knocking and you crave a light repast,
even though the time since your last meal seems too vast,
tie your cravings to a stanchion and curb their niggling prompt.
Do some calisthenics or take a forest romp.
Defenestrate those Oreos. Resist that peanut brittle.
It takes a lot of will power to make yourself more little.
Dieting’s not easy. Resolution is the pits,
but it will all be worth it when your favorite swimsuit fits!!!!

 

Prompts for today are: knocking, vast, defenestrate, stanchion, forest and peanut brittle.

Rebus

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Prompt words today are excited, accord, glare, rebus, stitch .

Rebus: a puzzle in which words are represented by combinations of pictures and individual letters; for instance, apex might be represented by a picture of an ape followed by a letter X.

Election Year Blues

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Election Year Blues

This is nuts!
No ands or buts.
Change is brewing,
voters stewing.

Economic crunch,
most of the bunch
Half-Baked choices,
crazy voices.

Urban jumble
about to crumble.
The Yellow Brick Road
Soon to erode.

A Dastardly Mash
of rich guys’ cash
Make Rocky Roads
of mother lodes.

Cool Britannia
wins the day
as the rest of Earth
Just melts away!

For dVerse Poets Ben & Jerry prompt.  The italicized words above are all Ben & Jerry flavors and yes, I admit I sneaked in one non-B&J  flavor as well!!! Plus, changed the rhyme scheme in the last stanza. I should run for public office, changing the rules like that!!!

Here are the flavor choices:
Change is Brewing  – current
Half-Baked  – created in 2000 -still going strong
Urban Bourbon  – 2017 -still going strong
Coffee Coffee Buzzbuzzbuzz  – current
Wavy Gravy  – 1993 – 2001
Urban Jumble  – 2000 -2001
Dastardly Mash  – 1979 – 1991
Miz Jelena’s Sweet Potato Pie  – 1992 – 1993
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road  – limited edition available July 18 to 25, 2008
Late Night Snack  – 2010 – 2014
Imagine Whirled Peace  – 2007 – 2013
Sugar Plum  – 1989 – 1990
Cool Britannia  – 1995 – 1998
Economic Crunch  – only in 1987 during the stock market crash
This is Nuts  2001  – 2002

To see other posts that feature Ben & Jerry flavors, go HERE.

Reality Redefined

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Reality Redefined

(From Reality Shows to Reality Politicians, the meaning
of the word seems to have shifted to its opposite.)

Your underwhelming comments on my photographs should shame me,
but if they foster apathy, you really cannot blame me.
Timeless snapshots can’t be made of subjects that are boring,
and ordinary truth, it seems, leaves viewers merely snoring.

“What seems to be” has turned into the new truth that we seek—
reality  becoming something we can tweak.
A pantomimed emotion, sadly, I must confess,
if one is good enough at it, is good enough, I guess.

So bring on the kitschy actor, the reality show clown.
Their entertainment value will bring them wide renown.
They are what is called for in this modern cyber world.
“Reality’s” new meaning therein has been unfurled.

 

Prompt words are snapshot, underwhelming, timeless, kitschy, foster and pantomime.

Raucous Recipe #1

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Raucous Recipe #1

My flashback to a nifty dish of pears and peas and beans
is tastier if one can add olives and nectarines.
The problem is that when these five are ingested enmasse,
they cause indigestion and, I fear, a lot of gas.
So for the interim, until science solves the puzzle,
keep these five ingredients separate when you guzzle.

 

Prompt words today are flashback, gas, nifty, dish and pear.

Precious Things

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Precious Things

When lucky heirs received the shipment of their auntie’s things,
full of photos, pots and pans, old hats and silver rings,
mismatched shoes, a wash tub and an armchair that was armless,
a flintlock rifle that was jammed, ammunition-less and harmless,
they fondly combed the contents of her varied life—
her times as daughter, student, lover, wanderer and wife.
Her time spent in the orchestra, the years that she just wandered,
gypsy skirts and cowboys boots and bride’s dress that she laundered
years ago, then paper-wrapped and carefully put away
high up in a cupboard, just in case one day
one of her sister’s children was in much duress
searching for a favorite vintage wedding dress.
Boxes full of letters, old toys and souvenirs—
all of life’s remainders collected through the years.
What are they to do with these reminders of her living—
memorabilia of her life she took such joy in giving?
Call the second hand store to pick up the armless chair,
the tables and and sofas and all the kitchenware.
Pack away the photos and the eyeless teddybear
and put them in the storage space beneath the lowest stair
along with all their own stuff that they can’t throw away
so they can pass it on to their own kids some future day.

Prompts today are lucky, shipment, orchestra, heir and harmless.

Kids’ Fashion

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Kids’ Fashion

Ribbons and laces
and scrubbed shiny faces
are often conducive
to acts most abusive
by children who gad
in areas bad
that create messes
of fancy new dresses,
for puddles in paths
and gooey mud baths
wreak havoc, at best
on kids fancily dressed.

 

Prompts for today are children,  fancy, gad, ribbon and conducive.