Category Archives: humorous poem

Tomboy

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Tomboy

She ate all her spinach, devoured all her kale.
She lifted weights and cussed and spit, and still she wasn’t male.
She wanted to be Popeye, but instead was Olive Oyl.
Nothing that she ever did made her less a goil.

She wished on every rainbow, unequivocally,
did her affirmations and squeezed her rosary,
praying for delivery from this female form.
Because she had three brothers, she felt it not the norm.

But when she reached her teenage years, something slowly changed.
Somehow she felt more normal and slightly less deranged.
And though it took a little time, finally she did confess
shyly, to her mother, that she’d like to buy a dress.

She put her hair in curlers and scrubbed her scaly knees,
spent more time upon the phone and less time climbing trees.
Flirted with her brothers’ friends whom formerly she wrestled.
Wound up at the movies, very comfortably nestled

up against the shoulder of a guy named Paul
and found that somehow she felt great. She didn’t mind at all
that she had not been born a boy, because then she’d have missed
that feeling that she felt the very first time she was kissed.

Prompt words today are indeed, equivocal, female, rainbow and squeeze.

Charles Ponzi in Hell

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Charles Ponzi in Hell

He is a shrouded shyster, an adjunct to the Devil—
a ghostly apparition not remotely on the level.
He peddled false indulgences and cut-rate lots in heaven
on a sliding scale from heaven one right up to seven.

He was as suave as men can get clad in just a sheet,
with no face to speak of, not to mention sans his feet.
And though his sins were constant, every day a new adventure,
thanks to the realm he dwelled in, his pranks came without censure.

 

Prompt words today are thanks, suave, apparition, adjunct and devil. Image by Erin Minuskin on Unsplash.

Up in Lights

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Up in Lights

She was an excellent waitress at Barney’s Bar and Grill—
cheerful in her service and accomplished at the till.
He saw her as he entered and admired her from afar,
then engaged her with his banter and said she’d be a star.

She aspired to the movies and so she was fair game.
She said that she’d do anything to try to get her name
up there on the billboards above the picture show,
so he taught her how to dress and act and told her where to go.

She was a fervent vessel, ready to be filled—
a pliant mound of clay for him to form and knead and build.
Taking that mere girl that he’d found in Barney’s diner,
he forged her rough exterior into something finer.

He knew just how to mold her—to polish and embellish
to make her into something that Hollywood would relish.
Now her name is on the Marquee for all the world to see,
And he gets ten percent of her top star salary!

 

Prompt words today are vessel, fervent, grill, forge and movie.
Image by Samuel Regan on Unsplash.

Panegyric Poetry: Ode to Morrie

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Ode to Morrie

Oh you ball of energy, you little snarl of fluff.
When it comes to hugging you, I cannot get enough.
Your hair so black and curly, your teeth so sharp and white
that it is an honor when you choose to bite.

Your flair at ball retrieval truly has no equal.
However many thrown for you, you always seek a sequel.
Your eyes luminous marbles, your nails a lovely shape
from running over terraces to stem a squirrel’s escape.

Your hairy little jowls would put Borgnine’s to shame.
So many little mysteries for which you aren’t to blame.
What creature eats the birdseed spread out on the wall?
What other creature has your leap? What other dog the gall?

You give the cats their exercise and what possum would dare
to stray into a garden given to your care?
Oh brave little caroler when interloper passes,
Your mighty barks belie your size. No burglar tests your sasses.

At night you serenade me with your howling croon
accompaniment to ambulances or the rising moon.
My revered alarm clock, my companion after dark,
as now and then throughout the night I celebrate your bark.

Each day I laud thy energy, thy beauty and thy voice.
When I contemplate your dogginess, I cannot but rejoice!
This ode of praise I write for thee, I cannot help but pen it.
If there had been a dog messiah, my dear, you would have been it!

 

A Panegyric poem of praise for dVerse Poets

Expired Lothario

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Expired Lothario

A veritable heart-swoon in those days that he was young,
handsome, dashing, fleet-of-foot and, rumor says, well-hung,
these days when he ogles, it’s sorta through a mist.
It’s been so many years now since he has been kissed.

Just at the point when long ago he might have been gripping,
it seems as though these days it is more likely he’ll be tripping.
Whereas once he wooed at leisure, his romancing days are done.
His smoking pistol hasn’t fired for years. (Pardon the pun.)

 

Prompt words for today are mist, ogle, gripping, veritable and leisure.

Obituary of a Jerk: Wordle 521, Oct 3, 2021

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The Obituary of a Jerk

We are loath to depict his despicable face,
for when it came to living, he just used up space.
He first saw to his own comfort all of his life,
never thinking of kids or parents or wife.
No slur to his family was ever avenged.
He had little time as he gorged and he binged.

One never knew if he could or he couldn’t.
Maybe he would or maybe he wouldn’t
get places on time, even given a ticket—
advance plans “a bit of the old sticky wicket.”
A fact all his family found a bit lame,
for he wasn’t British—in lineage or name.

And no matter how crammed the sofa might get,
he’d never stand when he found he could sit.
He’d say “Pull up a chair,” and when you had done it,
he’d use it himself–just plop his buns on it!
And although you may think that’s as bad as it gets,
don’t make any wagers. Don’t take any bets.

I’ve got so many stories depicting his greed
that you’d have to stay here for hours to read
the tales of his excesses, selfishness, binging.
They’re unbelievable–really unhinging.
He frittered away his kids’ college savings
on fishing trips, camping and personal cravings.

Their summer earnings bought his new car,
then he spent all the rest for rounds at the bar.
So  when it comes to expressing our grief,
you’ll find all his eulogies startlingly brief.
He was born and he prospered, then sickened and perished
unmourned and ungrieved-for, unloved and uncherished.

 

For the Sunday Whirl Wordle 521 the prompt words were avenge, lame, sit, ticket, cram, here, gets, pulls, maybe, used, space, comfort

Mr. Know and Do-It-All

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Mr. Know and Do-It-All

When it comes to puzzles, I solve every one.
It’s just a small part of my regular fun.
I can do cryptic, obscure if you wish.
Give me a recipe, I’ll cook the dish.
My stew is nutritious, delicious and stirrable
No job you give will I find insuperable.

Difficult tasks are why I exist.
Tell an obscure joke. I’ll discover the gist.
Problems excite me. Mysteries make me shiver.
I’m the proverbial solution giver.
What is impossible pushes my button.
Give me a live sheep and I’ll give you mutton.

Since I’ve gotten older, I’ve barely slowed down.
My feats are historic all over this town.
I am the one that unlocks keyless doors.
I’ve driven off bandits and outbored known bores.
Once you push my button, I’ll go ’til I’m done.
for I’m the proverbial “call upon” one!

Prompt words are cryptic, historic, shiver, insuperable and button.

Genetics and the Lack of True Grit

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Genetics and the Lack of True Grit

Documentation passed down from the past
says that since time primordial, folks have been cast
from the genes of their ancestors, first unto last.
Thus, my nose is too long and my forehead is vast.
It’s a truth of genetics that leaves me aghast!
(Yes, I’d alter those features if only I dast,)

 

Prompt words for today are forehead, genetic, primordial, document and vast,
 Image by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash.

“That” Friend Sept 26, 2021

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“That” Friend

My friend is amenable, but she is clueless.
If memories were sticky notes, hers would be glueless.
It seems like her calendar’s up for debate,
and if she shows up, she is, chronically late.

She’s always slow to get the ball rolling
for our monthly date for dinner and bowling.
Her memory’s airy. It blows where it blows.
Her socks are unmatched. There are tags on her clothes.

Her hair is disheveled, and It’s often the case
that traces of night cream are left on her face.
In short, she’s a space case. Her life’s in arrears.
If she were a car, she’d be missing some gears.

We gave up long ago in trying to change her.
We can’t straighten her out or fix or arrange her.
Over the years we’ve become less perplexible
figuring she’s here to keep us more flexible.

 

Prompts for the day are amenable, late, clueless,  airy and bowl. Photo for illustrative purposes only. The friends in this picture are anything but clueless. Not necessarily so for the person in the foreground, however!  ;o)

Wedding Dalliance

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Wedding Dalliance

Though it’s a lovely wedding, after the seventh toast,
you’re tired of the well-wishing and each new smart riposte.

You’ve had too much champagne. You can’t face another bubble,
so you ask for a martini and say, “Make it a double!”

You’re fatigued by the spectacle and need to get some air,
so you wander to the terrace to view the cloudscapes there.

Your shoes are less than comfortable, so you slip them off,
 and find that you are lost in dreams when you hear the cough 

of an interloper who has joined you in escape—
another wedding attendee who’s come outside to gape.

He joins you at the railing and elbows you for room,
and before you know it, you are flirting with the groom!

When you feel his arms around you, you take it in your stride.
You’ll have no regrets later, for luckily, you’re the bride!

 

Prompt for today are cloudscapes, attend, spectacle, riposte and comfortable. Image by Marcus Lewis on Unsplash.