Tag Archives: cooking disasters

“Mugfin and Coffee” for SOCS, Oct 25, 2024

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Mugfin and Coffee for SOCS “Mug” Prompt, Oct 25, 2024

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I ran a sharp knife around the side of the mug, so I actually didn’t have too much trouble getting my microwave muffin out of its mug, although the bottom 1/4 inch stuck and had to be removed with a spoon. The next time, I’ll oil the bottom of the cup a bit. The muffin isn’t bad and actually isn’t that sweet. I think a lot of the powdered sugar fizzed off onto the bottom of the oven during those initial 12 minutes of time spent in the oven. Once I put them in the microwave, they rose fine, although the mugfin is a bit heavy.

If you don’t know what in the heck I’m talking about, go HERE for an explanation.

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I then decided to take a slice of the mugfin and add some of the bran concoction I made last night. It was very sweet and I think I prefer the muffin just by itself. I think the bran/banana/sugar concoction would be good on a blander white poundcake or shortbread cookie–or perhaps toast.

Okay.. I promise. No more banana bread/mugfin posts.

For SOCS

Raucous Recipe #1

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Raucous Recipe #1

My flashback to a nifty dish of pears and peas and beans
is tastier if one can add olives and nectarines.
The problem is that when these five are ingested enmasse,
they cause indigestion and, I fear, a lot of gas.
So for the interim, until science solves the puzzle,
keep these five ingredients separate when you guzzle.

 

Prompt words today are flashback, gas, nifty, dish and pear.

Bride’s First Meal

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Bride’s First Meal

It was a layered casserole of maize and squash and beans
whose contents were indigenous and well within her means.
She blanched and drained and layered in a metal pan.
She followed all directions and plotted out each plan.

Dabbing on her favorite essence, she donned his favorite dress.
With the front door open, she didn’t have to guess
when he was walking up the lane and so she would be able
to greet him with a soulful kiss and dinner on the table.

But, her first endeavor which she’d hoped would be delicious,
in fact was not ambrosial, but instead pernicious.
It seemed as though the entire dish might be having troubles
as it rose above its boundaries with ominous pops and bubbles.

In short,

These were the things that went amiss
after his entrance and their kiss.
She rued the day that dish was born.
The squash was tough, as was the corn.

Instead they went to Burger King
and ordered one of everything,
came on home and gorged on it,
so their first meal was quite a hit.

She pitched her failed attempt within
a nearby waiting rubbish bin.
She was smart and so good looking.
He didn’t wed her for her cooking.

 

Prompt words today are ambrosial, endeavor, indigenous, essence, metal and lane.

Why Bakeries Were Invented

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Why Bakeries Were Invented

I’ve baked the cake, but cannot get the damn thing from the pan—
the problem being, mainly, that sticky layer of flan.
My daughter had demanded it, persnickety like her dad.
How had she ever heard of flan? I guess it was a fad.

I poured the custard in the pan and covered it with batter,
not sure whether the flan went first or if it was the latter.
Ten minutes in the oven and the glop began to rage
as though it was an animal, intent to leave its cage.

It roiled and fluxed, formed bubbles and spouted like fresh lava.
I lit a cigarette and poured another cup of java.
Although it was her birthday, I rued the day I’d asked
what kind of cake she wanted, for in this I’m sorely tasked.

But surprisingly, this devil cake did not escape its boundaries,
in spite of all my puzzlements and all my gross confounderies.
Now that I’ve finally got it out, I really am exhausted—
only to hear her next request. Now she wants it frosted!!!

Prompt words for today are exhausted, cage, flux, persnickety and cover.

The Banana Bread Boo Boo II

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The Banana Bread Boo Boo II

When last you had word of our bungling baker, she had substituted 1½ cups of powdered sugar for the flour in her banana bread. (Read about this HERE.) When she discovered it 12 minutes into its baking, a disaster had already occurred. She’ll clean up the oven tomorrow.

Dolly at Kool Kosher Kitchen, who really knows what she’s doing when baking as well as cooking, advised “Take it out! Now! Throw it away.” I had already, in a flash of precognition, heeded half of this advice, but I just could not throw all those ingredients away, so I decided to perform a little experiment.

I put a half cup of the now deflated and runny banana, sugar, egg, butter, baking powder, salt, soda, walnut concoction (which at this point tasted a bit like runny banana jam) into a soup bowl and mixed an equal amount of stick-type bran cereal into it and put it in the microwave for 2 minutes. When it came out it was a bit sticky and very sweet. It would make a good ice cream topping I thought, but wouldn’t want to make a meal of it.

Instead, I mixed about a cup and a half of whole wheat flour into the rest of the banana disaster in the pan and divided it into two bowls and a coffee mug. Each one went into the microwave for 2 minutes and I must say the result is not bad. Never say die, say I, hoping 2 minutes in the microwave and 12 minutes in the oven was enough to cook those eggs!

I wonder if I have sufficient courage to give one of the bowls to my next door neighbors–and if I do, if I should tell them about this fiasco ahead of time. We’ll see tomorrow. Perhaps by then I will be so enamored of my new concoction that I won’t give any of it away. Bet you are dying to see pictures, right?

Click on the photos to enlarge them and see the captions.

This is the first bran concoction.
Then I had the brilliant idea to start mixing flour into the disaster instead of bran. Unwilling to put it back into my already trashed oven, I decided to cook it in small controllable portions in the microwave.
For the first one, I made a small batch, not knowing how much it would inflate.
It turned out not bad.
And tasted like–banana bread!
Cup of Tea
At that, the pan was empty,
Is the fact that someone left the water running a hint?
And this was the yield.

 Postscript: If you try to do this at home, kids, one warning–remember to grease the bowls!!! Guess who didn’t.

Expletive Deleted, Expletive Deleted, Expletive Deleted

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Dolly, help me! I just spent an hour making banana bread from scratch, put it in the oven, and as I was cleaning up the kitchen, I discovered I’d used powdered sugar in place of flour!!!! Crushed.

Tempted to let it bake and see what happens, but will my loaf pan be permanently encrusted with it?

Your sympathies and reassurances requested. If I ever needed friends, it is now!!!! Below is how my disaster looked after twelve minutes in the oven. I took it out!! The second photo is how the oven looked after I took it out.

Go HERE to see what ultimately happened to this mess.

Why I Don’t Bake!!!!

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Why I Don’t Bake!!!!

Disclaimer: Dolly, best you don’t view this one.

Well, it all started when I mistakenly bought non-gluten shortbread flour rather than corn flower at the local market that caters to expats. Since I’d thrown the receipt away and since I suddenly had a free day, thanks to the fact that the animals had not awakened me for their feeding in time to make the event I was supposed to go to, I decided to follow what looked like an “easy” recipe.

Wrong!!!  Four hours and two old movies* later, here is the final result. Oh, and if you were going to comment that they probably taste better than they look, WRONG. They taste terrible, partially due to the fact that I just noticed while taking these photos that the shortbread mix was a month out of date when I bought it. Or perhaps it is supposed to taste stale.  I just know that trying to get shortbread cookies blended and moist enough and rolled out without crumbling is IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!  And the glaze is another story all together.  All-in-all, I’ll buy my Little Schoolboy cookies at the store after this, never mind their very inflated price here. Click on the first photo if you are a glutton for punishment and want to see captions and enlarged views of my cooking disaster.

 

The mix.
The Glaze
After glaze
Four hours later, the result.
Best of the worst
Worst of the worse
More worst of the worst
And no, they did not taste better than they looked!!!

*To encourage myself to spend more time in the kitchen, I put an old TV with a VHS player in it in the kitchen and I’m watching my extensive collection of VHS movies before disposing of them. Any of you out there with a VHS player who want them, they are yours for the postage..or for the picking up.

 

 

 

Mac and Cheese

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I dedicate this poem to my ultimate chef friends Dolly
and Gordon, hard as it may be for them to bear.

Mac and Cheese

“Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat; stir in flour, salt, and pepper until smooth, about 5 minutes. Slowly pour milk into butter-flour mixture while continuously stirring until mixture is smooth and bubbling, about 5 minutes. Add Cheddar cheese to milk mixture and stir until cheese is melted, 2 to 4 minutes.”

I found the recipe on my Mac
for noodles swathed in creamy Jack.
I bought the cheese. Grated it up,
dreaming of when I would sup.
I was tenacious with the grater.
Nobody holds a cheese block straighter!
And I was forthright in each thrust,
for tiny cheese curls are a must.

I mixed the flour in melted butter,
watched the whole mess spit and sputter.
Added pepper, salt and flour.
Stirred for what seemed like an hour.
Added the milk in rapid whirls,
and then poured in the cheesy curls.
Round and and round and round it went.
Turned down the stove, turned on the vent.

Boiled the noodles until tender.
Then, when it was time to render
cheese to noodles, asked my crony
just to drain the macaroni.
But, as he was headed back,
his arm collided with my Mac,
flipping it into the cheese
with such artistry and ease

that for a moment it looked to me
as part of the whole recipe.
But cheese on Mac of Apple kind
is not quite what I had in mind.
My Mac expired in smoke and sparking.
Dogs ran in with joyful barking
to lap up congealing cheese
from counter, stove front, floor and knees.

Cheese, computer, pan and noodle—
I tossed the whole kit and kaboodle
out the window into the grass
where dogs and cats and ants en masse
ate their fill until they popped,
while I wiped and scoured and mopped.
(I doubt that you could find my match
at scrubbing up a cheesy patch.)

But if you need a recipe
for Mac and Cheese, don’t count on me.
Though boiling noodles I learned by heart,
I fear I flunked the whole “Mac” part.


Prompt words were match, forthright, tenacious and noodle. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/05/07/rdp-tuesday-match/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/05/07/fowc-with-fandango-forthright/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/05/07/your-daily-word-prompt-tenacious-may-7-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/05/07/noodle/