Tag Archives: Humor

Nate White on Donald Trump

Someone asked “Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?”
Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England, wrote this magnificent response: Taken from his X post at https://x.com/Ipitythepoorfo1/status/1317856496647049217
“A few things spring to mind.Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem.
For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed.
So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.
Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever.
I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman.
But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.
Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers.
And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.
There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface.
Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront.
Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul.
And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist.
Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that.
He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat.
He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.
And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully.
That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead.
There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down.
So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:
* Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.
* You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.
This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss.
After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum.
God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid.
He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart.
In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a Trump.
And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish:
‘My God… what… have… I… created?
If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set.”
With thanks to Rhonda Schrader, Ray DiFazio and Michael Lussier, who all republished this piece before it finally made its way to me.

Unfortunate License Plate Spotted in Billings, Montana

My sister Patti spotted this license plate in Billings, Montana in 2016. We think he must have meant it to read “Retired.” We both saw it as something else!!! Hopefully he has since changed his vanity plate. (That last letter is a “d” not an “o”.)

To “L” With It, for Fibbing Friday, July 11, 2025

Another Friday brings yet another opportunity to fib.  Here is this week’s Fibbing Friday challenge:
To ‘L’ with it this week: Some may be familiar, so fib away with your definitions, please.

1. Lunkhead: A certain American president
2. Lugubrious: a feeling of dread and gloom brought on by the process of carrying numerous heavy boxes when in the process of moving from one house to another.
3. Lickspittle: What dogs do to the faces of owners who are sputtering in rage.
4. Lampoon: An ironic humorously-shaped lamp fixture
5. Lollywater: The product of rinsing off a child’s sucker when they drop it on the ground.
6. Lollypopper: A child pulling a Tootsie Roll Pop out of their pursed lips.
7. Lumpen: A small swelling.
8. Loofah: Polite slang for the letting of a small fart while on the potty.
9. Lippy: One’s condition after a botox injection.
10. Lughole: Something it is impossible to do.

“Sign of the Chameleon,” for Esther’s Writing Prompts, June 25, 2025

I can’t resist reblogging this blog that I wrote 11 years ago and because I liked the comments as much as the blog, I’m reblogging them, too. This reblog is published for Esther’s Writing Prompts because this week’s prompt is ‘Signs.” If you want to publish your own response to her prompt, a link to it is given at the end of this post. Thanks, Esther.

Sign of the Chameleon

For Esther’s Writing Prompts, the prompt word is “Sign.”

“Wrinkles” for MVB, Sept 25, 2024

When it comes to aging, I’ve found a sense of humor becomes ever more important. Take the subject of wrinkles, for instance! I wrote this poem ten years ago and when I look in the mirror, I realize its truth has only become more obvious!!!

Wrinkles

Once when I was younger, poundage was the thing—
as I obsessed about the growth calories might bring.
Every morning on the scale, I checked for extra girth.
Any extra poundage was how I gauged my worth.
But now that I am older, I check the mirror first
before I stop to weigh myself or slake my morning thirst.
First thing on my agenda, if I have the chance,
is to approach my mirror to have a daily glance.
Now every little wrinkle, every little line
viewed within my mirror brings a little whine.
But when I step upon the scale, there’s less there to regret.
If I’ve gained a pound or two, I vow just to forget.
For if I’ve found new wrinkles, all that I can say
is every extra pound I gain just stretches them away.

For MVB the prompt is : humor

Completely Finished!!!!

Thanks to Eleanor Vogt for sending me this humorous bit of information:

Is it “Complete“, “Finished“, or “Completely Finished“?   No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words, “Complete” or “Finished“.
 
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by supposedly the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes. The final question was: How do you explain the difference between Complete and Finished in way that is easy to understand?
 
Some contestants said there was no difference between “Complete” and “Finished“.
 
Here is Mr. Balgobin’s astute answer:   “When you marry the right woman, you are Complete.   When you marry the wrong woman, you are Finished.   And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are Completely Finished.
 
He won a trip around the world and a case of 25-year Scotch.

LISTEN FOR THE BELLS (“A Chicken Plucking Story!”)

This is a story about Sarah who was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the gumbo pot and was replaced. . . .

go HERE to read the rest of Sam’s very timely story!

SAM VOELKER's avatarLos Perdidos

This is a story about Sarah who was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the gumbo pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah’s amazement, old Butch had…

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Gems from the Past

My mailbox is totally full, so I’ve been deleting old emails from the past 22 years. I had deleted about 2,000  without reading them,  when I chanced to read a couple  and realized that there are some real gems there, so I’m going to share a few with you. (2,000 down, 37,000 to go! No exaggeration.).  Here is one from 2010: 

A 1stgrade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.  She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.  It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.  Their insight may surprise you.   While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders,  6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! 

1. Don’t change horses until they stop running.
2. Strike while the bug is close.
3. It’s always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but How?
6. Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.
7. No news is impossible
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can’t teach an old dog new Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14. Where there’s smoke there’s pollution.
15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is not much.
17. Two’s company, three’s the Musketeers.
18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded..
22. If at first you don’t succeed get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way
25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26 Better late than Pregnant

Should children witness childbirth? Good question. 

Here’s your answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby…
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed..
Kathleen quickly responded, ‘He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place…..smack his butt again!’

If you don’t laugh at this one, there’s no hope for you.

Funny of the Day

I couldn’t resist sharing this one.

Wedding Dalliance

Wedding Dalliance

Though it’s a lovely wedding, after the seventh toast,
you’re tired of the well-wishing and each new smart riposte.

You’ve had too much champagne. You can’t face another bubble,
so you ask for a martini and say, “Make it a double!”

You’re fatigued by the spectacle and need to get some air,
so you wander to the terrace to view the cloudscapes there.

Your shoes are less than comfortable, so you slip them off,
 and find that you are lost in dreams when you hear the cough 

of an interloper who has joined you in escape—
another wedding attendee who’s come outside to gape.

He joins you at the railing and elbows you for room,
and before you know it, you are flirting with the groom!

When you feel his arms around you, you take it in your stride.
You’ll have no regrets later, for luckily, you’re the bride!

 

Prompt for today are cloudscapes, attend, spectacle, riposte and comfortable. Image by Marcus Lewis on Unsplash.