Tag Archives: humorous poem about food

Picky Eater, For the Three Things Challenge, Mar 29, 2024

Picky Eater

If you don’t want me in a tizzy,
French fries? Crisp, please. Soda? Fizzy.
And though I like my ice cream soft,
when I’m holding it aloft,
if I’m not constantly on guard,
better that it’s frozen hard.

 

RDP’s three words today are: CRISP, SOFT, FIZZY
Image by Matthew Moloney on Unsplash.

Morning Menu

Morning Menu

If you desire a breakfast that’s full of health and crunch,
that will cast away your hunger from awakening to lunch,
lay a corn ear perpendicular and mash it all to bits,
relinquishing it’s former shape to turn it into grits.
No one will guess its origin. They will not have a hunch,
but it will solve their appetite if they eat a bunch.

 

Prompts today are crunch, origin, castaway, perpendicular, breakfast and relinquish.

Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

Unearthly nutrition is on its last legs.
How often have you been served deviled eggs?
Ambrosia they say was the food of the gods,
but to be served it now? Just what are the odds?
And only when faith causes us to unleaven
are we ever gifted with mana from heaven.
Heavenly hash and devil’s food cake
are dishes that only a cougar would make
to lure her young lover into her lair.
Wherein she’d seduce him with her angel hair
pasta to help him to bolster his energy—
her clever plot to improve their synergy!
But, if you’d like to start a new trend, 
by reprising old recipes, then read on, friend.
A *karma cocktail or a **devil’s brew?
Now and then it won’t hurt you to have one or two.

*A karma cocktail is made with Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, Triple Sec, Orange Juice, and Lemon Lime Soda!

To make a**devil’s brew : In a shaking glass, add vodka, triple sec, melon liqueur, peach schnapps and lime juice. Shake well. 3. Gently add ice to serving glass and strain mix over before layering ever clear on top and lighting.
Prompt words today are unearthly, nutrition, cougar, rally and clever.

Tofurky Asafoetida Blues

Tofurky Asafoetida Blues

My brother’s new wife has the whole family curious.
Her allegations seem New-Age and spurious.
With the result that grandma is furious.

She turns family gatherings into a podium
where she expounds on the dangers of sodium.
Meanwhile, the whole family is on Imodium .

Off to the bathroom, each one in a hurry
after imbibing in her saltless curry.
Will grandpa recover? We all share the worry.

Her asafoetida and cumin and dahl
have certainly cast an ominous pall.
We hardly enjoy family dinners at all!

She stuffs us with pita and gags us with bulgur
because she thinks regular rice is just vulgar.

But macrobiotic and Christmas don’t mix.
We miss all the old foods she’s certain to nix.

No turkey, no dressing, no cranberry sauce.
And no Christmas pudding, ’cause she is the boss!

For years, family dinners went by with no glitch,
but not so since bro married this tedious bitch.

So Santa, this year it would be very pleasant
if you gave us all just one communal present.

Please, Santa, deliver us from her tofurkey
and restore us to pudding and dressing and turkey!!!

 

Note: Asafoetida is a strong spice with a pungent smell, often used in Indian cuisine. It has been known to cause burping, farting and swelled lips.

Words of the day are ditch, insist , spurious, vulgar and sodium.

 

Too Many Cooks

 

IMG_4703

Too Many Cooks
(The Food Critic Invades the Kitchen)

In the guise of  gourmand, I fear that you laid waste
to my soup’s exquisite balance after one swift reckless taste.
You lifted up the salt shaker and ruined my day’s work
by heavily over-salting my consommé, you jerk!
Then you made it cloudy by adding a fair dollop
of sour cream that sat there like a tumor or a polyp.
The soup base that I’d toiled over for many an hour,
you squeezed a bit of lime into, transforming sweet to sour.
So in the end when you pronounced the verdict on my soup,
rating it as less than gourmet food and more like goop,
you neglected to take credit for your efforts at its ruin.
Now I rue the day my lovely soup chanced to meet your spoon!!

Prompt words today are gourmand, base, guise and cloudy. Links are below:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/05/11/rdp-saturday-gourmand/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/05/11/fowc-with-fandango-base/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/05/11/your-daily-word-prompt-guise-may-11-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/05/11/cloudy/

Hunters and Gatherers

Hunters and Gatherers

Each animal survives because of some unique ability.
The chipmunk gets along in life because of its nimbility.
It scampers over rocks and logs with speed and grace and pluck
to grab up errant picnic crumbs (on days when it’s in luck.)

Lions live by tooth and claw and speed to hunt their prey.
Cows just use their molars to masticate their hay.
Incisors furnish beavers with foliage and bark.
Raccoons have larger eyes than us for hunting in the dark.

If food in lofty places is what monkeys desire,
they can use prehensile thumbs to journey ever higher,
but an elephant’s long trunk can help him reach what he may please

obviating his necessity to climb up trees.

Humans , however, do not need  trunks or speed or climbing.
They do not need agility or viciousness or timing.
They have no need to wait in hiding by some water hole.
They simply use their money to buy  filet of sole!

 

Today’s prompt words are nimble, obviate, desire and money. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/29/rdp-monday-nimble/
FOWC with Fandango — Obviate
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/29/your-daily-word-prompt-desire-april-29-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/29/money/

Poetry Pie (A Recipe)

DSC00172

Poetry Pie

Pick an armful of fresh words from the poet tree.
Trim off dry leaves. Dispose of the ordinary or over-ripe.
Choose words that flower when juxtaposed.
Choose tiny clinging bees that sting.
Choose pollen-dusted blossoms that make you sneeze.
Choose agile leaves that swing when you breathe on them.
Staunch stalks that do not budge.
Throw them in a vase so that they fall where they want to go,
then rearrange to suit your fancy.

Admire your arrangement
as you bring a stock to boil.
This stock consists of honey and vinegar,
water to float the theme,
lightly peppered with adjectives
and salted with strong verbs.

When the water boils, break nouns from your bouquet.
Tender stalks may be sliced to syllables, but leave the flowers whole.
Do not cook too long lest they be too weak to chew upon.

Scoop with a wire ladle and lay on parchment to drain.
Arrange on a bed of crushed hopes pre-baked with future expectations.
Pile to the plate rim, then sift through and remove most of what you’ve put there.
Fill up to the top and beyond with whipped dreams. Careful, not too sweet.

Put on the shelf to gel.
The crust will grow crustier.
The whipped cream will not fall,
but some of the words will rise to the top and blow away.
Others will sink to the bottom and become so mired in crust
that they will stick to the cheeks and teeth of all who sample your pie,
and this is what you want.

This pie will not be to the taste of all
and there may not be enough of it to satisfy the taste of others,
but it will be a pie that satisfies you,
and others may become addicted enough
to order it now and then
in spite of that shelf
of so many delectable pies.
Perhaps because it is tenacious.
Perhaps because it suits their idiosyncratic taste.
Perhaps because of its placement, front and center,
so it meets the eye.

Whatever the reason, whether to the taste of many or few,
it will be there for so long as the cook holds out
and the poet tree stands and keeps blooming.

Poet Pie.  Special this week.
Comes with a big napkin and no fork
so you’ll need to eat it with you hands
and suck it from your fingers.

It will run down your arms
and cause your elbows to stick to the table,
drip from your chin onto your shirtfront,
adorning you like splatters down the fronts
of old ladies in voile dresses.
It will adorn the beards of the hirsute,
hide the pimples of preteens,
make ruby red the lips
of little girls too young for lipstick,
cause the drying lips of old women
to swell as though Botoxed.

It will cause tongues to wag
and fingers to write poetry of their own
in the air or on paper or perhaps
merely in minds
infected by the addictive
nature of poet pie.
You can both smell and taste it.
Feel on your fingers.  Hear its
tender branches crunch between
your teeth–those parts of the poem
that hold the whole together.

That poem that perhaps holds your life together
for the minutes you consume it
and further moments when you try to wash it from your beard
or fingers or chin or shirtfront,
and fail.  So a part of the poem goes with you.
Some may notice it and try to scrub it from your chin.
Others may not be able to resist,
and in wiping off its sweetness from where it has streaked your arm,
may put their fingers to their mouths to taste it themselves
and may be suffused with a yearning for a piece of their own.

Or, say, perhaps, “Not to my taste,”
which leaves more poetry pie for you.

 

Look familiar? If you were around three years ago, perhaps you read it before. Let me know if you found it worth reading again and made it this far. The prompt today is agile.

“Gorge”ous


“Gorge”ous

Everyone is cognizant that
runway models gone to fat
will very promptly get the axe
for appetite control grown lax.

Alas, it is a tragic truth
that larger forms are viewed uncouth.
Plus-sized is not viewed as “in,”
within a world that’s based on thin.

Designers never seem to feel
that models who enjoy a meal
do their fashions adequate
justice in the hips and butt.

Their hungry models  stroll and strut
with tiny waist and taut-stretched gut,
looking very lank and lean
and also just a little mean.

No doubt from hunger––their daily fate.
While as we watch, those overweight
have found a way to compensate.
We gain revenge by chocolate!

For the WordPress Daily Prompt: Gorge.

Squash Blossom: Flower (and Poem) of the Day, Dec 7, 2017

Squash Blossom

Hard to herd and hard to wrangle,
growing in a clustered tangle
here beside my kitchen stoop,
good as fritters or in soup.
Squash blooms don’t merely do their duty
as a thing of sun-filled beauty.
Their life as flowers fades in haste.
Best to enjoy them as a taste!
(Or, if at growing things you’re feckless,
just enjoy them as a necklace!)

IMG_1331

Lone Mountain Squash Blossom necklace.  Image “borrowed” from internet.

 

 

For Cee’s Flower Prompt.

“Diet”ribe

DSC08682

 

“Diet”ribe

I have given up on oatmeal, overdosed on kale.
All these faddish food taboos have gone beyond the pale.
I do not count my calories, my glutens or my carbs.
The benefits for doing so are outweighed by the barbs.
I’m not turned on by Atkins. I can’t abide a fast.
I tried microbiotic, but the microbes didn’t last.

It’s become an epic battle when the girls go out to brunch.
It’s easier brokering world peace that where to go for lunch.
Before we take a mouthful, we must peruse all the ads
and compare what’s on the menu to the latest diet fads.
Then, once we find the perfect place and make the reservation,
Serafina calls me up to share her trepidation.

She’s started a new diet––something fabulously new––
and much as she hates to stir the pot, this restaurant won’t do.
We can’t go out for hamburgers. Laura’s a vegetarian.
She can’t abide the scent of flesh. She finds it most barbarian.
Of course, she will eat foodstuffs that are certified agrarian,
but salad’sout because my other friend is a fruitarian.

I asked them all to my house, bought exotic fruits and plums,
thinking a fruity salad would offend the fewest gums;
but a new friend cannot eat raw fruit. She finds it unhygienic,
and my artist friend will not eat foods she finds unphotogenic.
She balked at the rambutan and when she tried to swallow it,
choked and had to chug down a carafe of wine to follow it.

Molly is insisting on a diet ketogenic,
while Lucy won’t eat any vegetation that is scenic.
We’re reduced to no more dining out. Potlucks will have to do
with every guest providing whatever they can chew.
Me? I’ll bring a pizza. Pepperoni. Extra cheese.
And everyone can envy me as they eat what they please!

 

For dVerse Poets Open Link Night#204